I wasn’t planning to record this episode – it was one of those moments where I just had to pick up the mic and talk. Something clicked for me recently and it made so many things in my business and life suddenly make sense in a way they never had before. It’s one of those shifts that once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
In this episode, I share the story behind that realisation – what led up to it, what I noticed about the way I’d been working and thinking and how it’s been quietly shaping my results for years without me realising. If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing all the right things but still not feeling fulfilled or inspired by your business, this is going to resonate deeply.
I talk about what I discovered during my Weekly Review that changed how I look at my habits, my relationships and my goals. It’s something that’s been right under my nose for years – and yet it’s completely shifted how I plan, create and show up.
If you’ve been feeling a little disconnected, overthinking your next move or trying to get everything perfect before you take action, this conversation will help you see things in a totally new light.
Resources to help you get out of your own way in your business:
- Join Perfectionists Getting Shit Done today – samlaurabrown.com/pgsd
- Work with me privately in my 1:1 coaching program: samlaurabrown.com/coaching
- Take The Perfectionism Quiz – samlaurabrown.com/quiz
- Sign up for daily Perfectionist Power-Ups – samlaurabrown.com/power
- Follow me on instagram: @perfectionismproject
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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Introduction
Hi and welcome to another episode of The Perfectionism Project. A podcast full of perfectionism advice for entrepreneurs. My name is Sam Laura Brown, I help entrepreneurs release their perfectionism handbrake, so they can get out of their own way and build a fulfilling and profitable business. I’m the founder of the Perfectionists Getting Shit Done group coaching program, which is otherwise known as PGSD. And for even more perfectionism advice to help you with your business, you can follow me on Instagram @perfectionismproject.
Sam Laura Brown
Okay, so in today’s episode, I just want to share something that I have been thinking about really deeply, that I know if you’re a perfectionist entrepreneur, this is going to resonate with you. This is going to resonate so much and help make sense of things that maybe you haven’t been able to make sense of before in this way. This for me, what I’m going to be sharing is, really, I’d say, one of the biggest realizations I’ve had, and it’s kind of been right under my noise. But you know, when something just clicks in a way, we like, Oh, I really get it now, like I can see it and like the world will not look the same to me ever again. That is how I feel about what I’m sharing in this episode. So whether or not it’s going to land for you today or a year from now, you’re going to have this pop into your mind and be like, Oh, I get it. I want to share it with you. I just feel like I had to pick up my microphone and hit record and share this message with you.
And so where do I start with this? What I’ve been reflecting on is connection and disconnection, and a few days ago, so I was doing my weekly review, and I was doing it around my personal life. So what I’ve started doing recently is not just doing self coaching and really planning out my business side of my life, but really bringing that into the personal side a lot more. I was still doing it before with my personal life, but not really with the same level of intention as I was doing it with the business. So I was doing my personal weekly review, and I set up a cubby house for the kids, for the three oldest ones to play in this cubby house while I did my weekly review. And what I noticed was what came up was thoughts of disconnection, thoughts about with one of the coaching containers that I’m in, how that’s not currently a great fit for me, even though I really do believe it is. But thoughts wanting to disconnect me from that thoughts wanting to disconnect me from friendships that are emerging and evolving and things like that that I just found myself wanting to find difference instead of wanting to find similarity.
And that really had me reflecting on like, what is this disconnection about? Like, why is my brain generating these thoughts of disconnection? And I noticed as well, with that, that having thoughts of disconnection is something that I think my brain does, my perfectionist brain does to create safety. There’s some kind of safety in disconnection and kind of just only having to rely on yourself, like when you’re disconnected, you can’t be harmed, in a sense, by whatever you’re connected to. And it’s not that I was thinking I was going to be harmed by any of these things that I’ve just talked about with the coaching container, with friendships and things like that, but it’s just a protective habit to disconnect. And I’ve noticed, as I’ve been studying how I’ve showed up in the last few years, and what has been going on for me and my evolution and the business and all of that, that what I can see is that there is this theme and just the whole of my business of disconnecting and then reconnecting or getting connected, and then wanting to disconnect, and then I reconnect, and just I can track the revenue of the business and my satisfaction with my business work life based on how connected I am.
And as much as my perfectionist brain wants to have me disconnect. It wants to have me have kind of everything at an arm’s length, that when I’m connected and when I’m connected to myself, when I’m connected to my ideas, when I’m connected to nature, when I’m connected to my friends, when I’m connected to my family, when I’m connected to my environment, to my physical space, when I’m connected to coaching and like my craft, when I’m connected to personal development, which is part of that, all of that when I’m connected, that is when everything is so easy, but when I don’t see, or when I haven’t seen directly, how connection is really the precursor to everything that I’ve created that has been so impactful. It’s not to say I have to be connected in this, like all or nothing thing, but I’ve just been noticing when I feel connected, I am compelled, I’m convicted, I’m magnetic.
I just want to share stuff, and it resonates, it lands. But when I’m disconnected, I’m in my head. I’m trying to get it right. I’m trying to say the right thing. I’m trying to be strategic. And I’ve talked before on this podcast about how for me, when I’m doing something. In a strategic way. That for me is perfectionism, and it’s not to say not to be strategic. And I’ve been trying to, like, pass out, like, what is this? And make the distinction with like, I am strategic. I am a very strategic business woman person in general. But when it comes to this strategy, thinking like, what is that? And it’s because I’m when I’m thinking that way for me, I’m disconnected from the person on the other end. I’m not thinking about them anymore. I’m disconnected from my wisdom. I’m disconnected from so much so for me, when I go into thinking about doing the right strategy, or what the algorithm wants, or, like, all of that kind of thing, when I haven’t first connected.
So this is key. Connection comes in that feminine energy, and then I go into being able to really think about any kind of analytics and data and all of that kind of stuff in such a powerful way. So it’s not to say, not to have the strategy, but for me, I have just been noticing, and I just want to voice it. And I’ve just hopeful either it lands for you today or a year from now, or 10 years from now. But I just want to plant that seed whenever it blooms, that connection, connecting to yourself, your ideas, your craft, your clients, your future clients, or customers, just like being connected, being connected to what’s already in your life, the things you already have. And people talk about, like abundance and gratitude and all that. But for me, just seeing it through the sense of like, oh, it’s about connection. What can I do in this moment to be more connected with the kids? What can I do in this moment to be more connected with myself? And I have looked back over the years and just seen through this lens of connection, how everything makes so much sense. So I’ll give you a few examples.
By the way, I have zero notes whatsoever for this. I’m just chatting. So a few examples. One is power planning. I think for me, that is the most powerful example of a connection ritual, a connection practice that has been so supportive. And it’s like, why, even when I don’t do the Power Hour perfectly, or I do it late, or sometimes not even at all, like it’s just such a grounding practice for me, and I’ve been thinking about AI a lot recently. Love some AI, love all of that. And I’ve been like, why don’t I want to just have it be a purely AI thing, like you can have when you’re planning out your week. You could have AI fully do that, and you just then have a calendar you follow. But for me, power planning, that process, the Power Hour, the little tweaks, the weekly review. It’s about connection it’s about connection with myself. It’s about connection with my business. It’s about connection with what’s possible. It’s about connection with my clients. Like there’s so much connection that is being supported.
And when I’m doing my Power Hour, I’m not just structuring the week, I’m connecting to the week, and I’m really paying attention to what the business needs are that needs to be met, what my personal needs are that needs to be met, and figuring out a way to have all of those needs met, or if they can’t all be met at the same time, which ones are the priority, and just having that plan, that connection for the week, having that I feel so different to when I’m just winging it. And I don’t like having this rigid structure, like I have to follow through on this thing. It’s like, it’s flexible structure that’s so supportive. And the reason that power planning works so well for me and so many PGSDers and clients who have learned power planning and applied it and it’s changed their lives, is it is a practice of connecting when we are offered as perfectionist so disconnected from ourselves, we’re all up in our heads, we’re disconnected from our bodies and our feelings.
We’re disconnected from the person on the other end, especially if, like myself, you have an online business where you don’t actually get to see really, even in person, most of my clients live on the other side of the world to me, here in Australia. They’re in the United States. They’re in Europe, in the UK. Like I am disconnected physically, but I can connect through different practices that I have. So power planning connects me to the week in the Power Hour, the little tweaks really help me stay connected with what’s actually unfolding throughout the week. I’m not just managing disruptions. I’m staying connected to the life of the week, to the actual week that’s happening. And in my weekly review, I’m not just evaluating performance in this very masculine kind of way. There is a time and place for the masculine, but I am in that reconnecting with growth and with gratitude and aliveness and with myself. It’s all a connection practice. I’ve also talked about many times, how writing down an affirmation where I just write down, for example, the original one. I will celebrate the last day at my full time job on 30, June, 2017, or sooner.
How I wrote that out in my journal 15 times. I think it was at the time that I started with I did that every day. It felt crazy to do that, because there was no way I could leave. I just couldn’t see like, Okay, I have to go full time in my business to be able to do that, and I’m nowhere close to being able to make that amount of money and have that full time income. But by having that that I wrote down every day, it wasn’t that I needed to do that, but it connected me. It was something that really connected me to the possibilities to what my goal was and what I was working towards. Goals connect me so in PGSD, we have the growth goal. We also have the momentum project as well. Those kinds of goal structures, if you will, connect me to the vision. They actually make it tangible and real and make it something that I can be connected with.
And in the power planning is what allows me to stay connected to the bigger goal. Because it’s easy to have a goal and you set it and then you forget it, but power planning is a weekly practice where I’m also reconnecting back to Hey, What’s my goal for the year, and what’s my goal for this quarter? And okay, if that’s the case, and also what’s going on for me in my personal life, if that’s all the case, then what is the supportive plan that I actually want to follow through on that is going to get me there? And even if I don’t feel like doing something, if I want to do something because of it’s going to get me to that goal in a way that I’m happy about, that I’m willing to feel uncomfortable, I’m willing to do things that in the moment might feel exposing, like when I was initially starting my business, and it just felt so insane to be posting like anything to my Instagram. We had, I didn’t have a podcast for the first few years, even though I loved podcasts. That’s how I found out about the business world, the online business world, but I could never be that person who had one.
So then it really felt vulnerable to say, Hey, I think I’m the kind of person who could have a podcast and actually do that, but I was willing to do that because I felt connected to the goals that I had and the goal that I had and the goal that I had at that time wasn’t even crystal clear. It was just, I want to have a full time income from my business. I don’t want to be a lawyer, as I’ve studied to be I don’t want to be in the finance world. I don’t want to be an accountant. I want to figure out what this business is, personal development related business. I wasn’t offering coaching services at the time or anything like that. That was something that I felt very connected to, to being a coach, but I didn’t yet have the identity that allowed me to actually do that, the self image. And so just looking at, when I look back through the history of my business, all of these connection point and how when I’ve been connected, that is when momentum has been created, and I’ve developed a lot of practices like power planning that are really embedded into my week. Clean rest is such a great example of this as well. Clean rest is me connecting with myself, and it doesn’t mean I’m just sitting around reading all day, and I love reading, and I’d love to do that, but also I want to spend time with my family and my kids, and I have other things to do, like practical life, things to take care of as well.
And so in that clean rest, it’s not that I’m having to be doing nothing, or I can’t be taking care of anyone else or like, I have to just be journaling the whole time. I connect with myself through disconnecting from the business. So I talk about with clean rest, it isn’t so much like what you need to do in that rest time, or anything like that. It’s just time where you’re not allowed, so to speak, to work on your business. And the reason that’s the case because we want you to mentally switch off the business so you can mentally switch on to something else. And this is a realization I’ve had as well. Very recently, I was talking to friends of mine. I have a lot of my close friends all have had a baby very similar time to me having Liam my fourth which has been amazing, amazing, amazing. And what we’ve been talking about has come up in conversation about having people talk about, you know, is your partner, your husband, whoever it is, are they a hands on Dad?
And what I really came to thinking about was the reason, or not the only reason, but one of the reasons, a very important one, that Steve is able to be so hands on, is because I am willing to be hands off, and energetically, I’m still connected, but I’m willing to not be the hands on. And so if you want to be hands on to your child, and you also want your partner to be hands on, sometimes that’s just too many hands, there only needs to be two hands. And so if you want someone else to be hands on, you’ve got to look at, do I need to be a bit more hands off here? And that might bring up certain things, of like, well, maybe they don’t need me, or like, fears like that, but I’m willing to be hands off. And this has happened in my business too. When I’ve brought on team, I’m willing to be hands off so someone else can be hands on. And I’ve had to disconnect, but not in an unhelpful way. I think there is helpful disconnection in certain ways, but I’ve been willing to take my hands off so someone else can put their hands on and support me in the business, for example, or support our clients that we have in PGSD.
So with this, just seeing how connection is such, the entry point, the connection point and self trust, I talk about all the time how self trust for a perfectionist is really like one of the core things to be developing, that we’re no longer at war with ourselves and not trusting ourselves and not being able to rely on ourselves and nitpicking ourselves and judging ourselves, and like that constant opposition we have with ourselves when we’re a perfectionist and constantly looking for all the imperfections and screaming about them to ourselves that is disconnection from ourselves, and we’re really just craving connection with ourselves. How good does it feel to feel like yourself?
How good does it feel to feel like you are connected to yourself? And there have been so many lessons in connection, and a lot of those I’ve learned through disconnection over the past few years. And one, for example, is when I had the twins, and in that postpartum period, I felt very disconnected. Part of that was because I felt disconnected from myself, and I hadn’t realized it at the time, but I stopped a lot of the practices that allow me to feel connected to myself and also connected to the business, because I still had a business, so I still need to be connected to the business, even if I’m not working as often as I would otherwise be. So when it came to that things like self coaching, getting coached is such a big point of connection. And journaling, those are all kind of in the same bucket, like connecting with my thoughts, connecting with my feelings, being willing to be connected enough with myself that I’m willing to look at those things. Going for walks in nature.
When I had the twins and I also had Lydia, who was 19 months old, it felt so much harder emotionally to go for a walk, because there was just so many little bodies involved. And it also just felt really hard emotionally to just ask for time away from everyone else, to go for a walk by myself, and so I didn’t have that connection point. And it’s not that I need to have a walk, it’s not that I need to have time by myself, but that was one of the practices I had that helped me connect with myself. I also really, I think another thing in that time that I disconnected from my friends, and I didn’t do this intentionally, and I really just felt like because I had thoughts that disconnected me. It was just like my thought was, no one wants to hang out with me while I’ve got three little kids that I’m looking after because I’m so like, I have to be so disconnected from them to be able to be connected to like, what the kids needs are, I’m meeting those needs that I can’t actually, kind of like, not entertain, but sort of that way of thinking of like, I can’t actually be connected to my friends if they come over.
Because then I can’t be connected enough to the kids when actually, of course, my friends still want to hang out with me, and that has been such an important realization that I’ve had this postpartum as well. But when I had the twins, a lot of my close friends didn’t have a child at the same time, like a new baby or two babies at the same time. But when I had Lydia, my daughter, who’s four years old. My close friends, also, many of them, had a little one. So I naturally, like, I didn’t even realize it, but I naturally had that connection if we were in a similar point, and it was easier to catch up, and we had, like, personal life stuff going on that we naturally would catch up and talk about. And so there were just sometimes, like, unintentional connection, like I would work out, but really important, I was working out with two of my closest friends. We were all living within like three streets of each other, which was such a gift.
We were doing the renovation here in our house, and we ended up being able to get a rental that was right down the street from one of my best friends, and then when my other best friends was in a rental as well there, and that was just such an amazing time. And going for a workout at one of my friend’s place each morning, like I got to have that just like friendship every morning, and like seeing each other every morning, that it was just easy to do that, and easier that it is circumstantially to do it now, and I really have to make the effort, but I hadn’t realized how important all these different connection points were, and I don’t need to be perfectly connected to myself or to anyone else, or to ideas or nature or like this doesn’t then create this like connection curriculum that has to be so strenuous and rigid and like, well, if I’m not connected, then I can’t, you know, I can’t post on social media, or I can’t, I can’t operate normally, and I have to have this instead of, like, actually, I’m just looking for connection in the moments that I think of it. Of like, Okay, what could this look like to be connected here?
And then I’m looking at really prioritizing in my power planning and seeing it through this lens of like, okay, when I’m connecting to the week and planning out the week, have I got those connection points, like, and for me, like, working out is a way I connect, to my brain, to my body, to myself. That’s really important, seeing friends as well as a way that I connect. I don’t have to be ticking all these boxes every week, recording a podcast episode, that is a way I connect to myself. This is a way I connect to myself. It’s a way that I connect to you. Having that be published, publishing, we’ve been talking about this inside pgsd, with the creative cocoon and creating consistent content. When you have spark content. You got to publish it. Publishing is part of connecting. If you’re just creating these amazing ideas and nothing ever gets out into the world, you’re not closing that connection loop. You are remaining disconnected.
And so for me, for example, I feel like there are so many examples of this, I’ll share another one. Lately, I feel like I haven’t been connected to the business because I’ve been trying to be strategic. And this is just such a pattern for me, and it’s just so important when you spot a pattern, I shared about this in a recent episode where there was a coaching call in PGSD where I talked to this and we shared that. But when you see a pattern, super important not to go into frustration that you have the awareness, but you’re still doing the thing, but to actually understand there’s having the awareness around it, and then the emotional capacity and identity to be able to move out of that pattern and into a different one. So I’ve just been like in this pattern that I’ve seen of me really wanting to connect, I had this deep desire to connect, and then my brain goes into Okay, here’s what we need to do to connect. We need to have this workflow for content creation that goes like this, so that you can connect instead of like okay, but I already know how to connect, and how can we just have me keep connecting while I figure that out?
My brain went into this all or nothing. Okay, I need to disconnect from connecting. I need to disconnect from recording the podcast episodes, from writing the emails, from doing the post, from just showing up and sharing while I figure out this other thing. Instead of, oh, I just keep doing that, and that fuels how I figure it out, and that really makes it so much more powerful to be in the doing of the connecting. Like to be connected while figuring out a system and while building out a process, then to completely disconnect. And for me, I’ve just had that, not even like stagnant energy. But kind of, if you think about there being a current and the flow, and then that being stagnant, or you’re kind of like on the bank of the river next to the current that’s flowing, I feel like I’ve been standing next to the river, studying the river, trying to figure out how to get into the river again, when I know so damn well how to be in the river, and it’s easier to be in the river than to be on the bank.
And I was recently coaching a PGSDer on this as well, when it comes to visibility. So supporting perfectionist entrepreneurs with being visible and feeling safe to do that is a big thing that we do inside Perfectionist Getting Shit Done. It’s really important for marketing and sales that you are feeling safe, feeling visible. And so what she was saying on this call, when she was reflecting on something, she was saying, I was… What did she say I was visible? It for a period of time, for a year, and before that, I just been thinking about it like on the the bank of the river, I’ve been thinking about being visible. That was really uncomfortable. Then I actually showed up and was visible for about a year posting, and that was uncomfortable, but it was actually less uncomfortable than it was to be thinking about, I’m going to be visible. And then she went back onto the river of the bank next to the current.
She was back on that in the in the sense of not showing up, not sharing not doing her thing, and with this fear of visibility coming up, but when she’s being visible, that fear actually isn’t there as much as when you’re invisible, like when you’re not being visible. So if you have fear of visibility and showing up and putting yourself out there, it’s so, so so important and powerful to just think about. Just, is it the case for you that the fear of visibility is actually more painful than just being visible? And there’s fear of visibility, and then there’s really the realization of, like, I’m actually fine being visible. It’s just how I treat myself when I’m visible. Like I judge myself a lot more and I nitpick myself a lot more when I’m creating stuff than when I’m not creating stuff. So maybe I should not create stuff. Like when you’re visible, when you allow yourself to publish things and get it out in the world, that creates safety, because you’re getting that connection, like the feedback loop that actually it’s safe to publish.
And one of our PGSDers, I was coaching her in the pgsd forum, and she was saying, Yeah, I’ve created this spark content, which comes from connection with yourself. I’ve created this spark content and your connection with your ideas, connection with so much connection, that is what really sparks the content. She created this spark content, and she’s like, I’m still thinking about whether I should publish it. So we have two parts to the consistent content. It’s one is creating the spark content, connecting with yourself, your ideas, your philosophies, things you just want to chat about. Just like connected and like having that connection spark the content. And then power publishing, which is what closes that connection loop, and what really creates a safe visibility is letting yourself publish stuff. And so she was saying, I’m not sure whether I should publish this writing that I’ve created, or should I go and write this other thing that I’m thinking about?
And I said, Well, can you just publish it and just delete it if you know, if you want to, you always have that option. You always have that back door of like, if you publish it and you don’t want to have it be up there forever, you can just take it down. She’s not in a situation where she has millions of people following her, and as soon as she publishes anything, then they’re going to screenshot it, and it’s like, out there forever, almost everyone, if you’re listening to this, you’re in a situation where you can just quietly delete something and no one will even know that it existed. And that’s such a safety I think we overlook how valuable that period is to be able to just delete something and it’s it’s literally like it never existed. That is such a great source of safety, as you’re developing your relationship with yourself, invisibility. It’s so powerful to have that. So I said to her, just publish it, delete it if you want. But like, kind of this idea, like, it’s not so precious that you can, oh, like, you know, only publish one thing and, like, should it be this or that? Of like, just publish it and let yourself not just be connected with yourself and your ideas and all those things, but like let yourself be connected with the world.
Then if it’s too much, you can disconnect. That’s okay, but connecting will like you can only really create the safety through allowing yourself to connect. And just really, for me, seeing everything through this lens of connection and how important it is as a perfectionist, I think like because self trust is all about connecting with yourself, like that is what self trust is. And when we’re in that perfectionist mindset, we’re disconnected from ourselves. We’re either people pleasing and we’re so desperate for connection, and we’re not getting it from ourselves. So we’re trying to connect with someone else through being liked by them, through obliging them, through like just trying to jump over hoops or through hoops or whatever it is, so that they will like us, because we’re not feeling connected to ourselves. We want that external validation. We want the praise, the engagement, the client to sign up, the customer to buy, because we’re wanting that connection, because we’re not getting that connection from ourself.
And it then it feels like such a big deal because we’re not getting connection from ourselves, or we have to get it from somewhere else. And then we show up in a way that we don’t really even like a lot of the time, or it completely burns us out and has us feeling more disconnected. When we’re burned out, we’re disconnecting. We’ve been disconnected from our body and from our thoughts that we’re having that are fueling that disconnection, all of the procrastination that’s disconnection, like it’s all about connection and disconnection, and I just feel like seeing that. And it’s not like I feel like I’ve had that message in so many different ways that I’ve been exposed to, but I had to feel ready enough emotionally to connect. And so what I have been doing this week is reconnecting myself. So on Sunday, I had that realization of, like, oh, what’s all these disconnecting thoughts about like, why is my brain just like, disconnect from this, disconnect from that, and what’s what’s going on there?
I started reading, Dissolve the Problem by Richard Dotts, which is a fantastic, slim little book that is really was just echoing back so much of what I know to be true, but the way it was said just really resonated in terms of how to connect with a solution and what that looks like. And so I was applying that to like, Okay, what about this situation? How would I apply this principle? And like, I was chatting that out with ChatGPT of like, hey, if I took this principle, how do I apply that here? If I took that here, like, and just really, not just reading it, but connecting with the material in the book, and, like, doing that self coaching and that work with that material, and then being like, oh, like, I can see it’s all about this connection. So yesterday, what I did, gonna tell you my plan for this week. Then we’ll wrap up yesterday, what I did is that I connected back to myself as a creator. I connected back with my craft and reading that book, The dissolve the problem, book that connected me back to my love of personal development and how nerdy I am about like, oh, like, and if you do this, I love that, and not from this place of fixing, which I think is initially how I got into the personal development world, but like, just fascinated.
I’m endlessly curious about how the brain works, and like all these concepts of identity and manifestation and all of this, I love it. Like it. It really energizes me so much, and so I reconnected like that, reconnected me. And then yesterday, I was like, hey, all I’m gonna do is just reconnect with my spark, like reconnect with myself, so that I can spark ideas. And that is something I’m very experienced in. But when I’m disconnected, the spark isn’t there, and I feel like part of it, I haven’t been letting myself record new episodes like I’ve been tying my hands behind my back. I did an episode on that a while ago, which I think is one of the most profound realizations I’ve had as well. And just seeing me tie my hands behind my back is disconnection. It’s me disconnecting from what the business needs, which might be evolution, which might be iteration, which might mean a new idea. It might mean doubling down on something else, but when I tie my hands behind my back, that’s when I’m trying to get something right, and I’m ignoring what is actually like right under my nose, and I feel like my hands are tied because I know what needs to be done, and I’m not letting myself do what needs to be done.
So really like having yesterday, I was just like, letting myself do whatever I wanted, and in the name of connection, is kind of the thing. So I read a book, I sat on the deck with my breakfast, and I just journaled, and I just then was like, Oh, I feel like recording, and picking up my phone and just recording, like a face to camera, kind of like, thinking of it like it’s an Instagram story, but like, I’m gonna record that. And then I was like, Oh, I could actually do one on this. So I recorded that, and I was like, Oh, I could actually do one on this. And then I recorded that one, that one was about 30 minutes in total. So I was like, okay, that could be turned into a podcast episode, but I don’t have to do that right now. I’m just like, letting myself reconnect. I went for a workout at the gym that I’m going to, and I connected with people there. I didn’t like, just look down and like, I can do that when I’m like, feeling disconnected is I just, like, kind of try not to make eye contact with people, and I’m just not trying to, like, be rude or anything. I’m just feeling disconnected.
And then I don’t like remind myself to connect and how powerful that is, so then I just create more disconnection. Then I came home, and I was like, I just feel like reading for a bit. And then they were playing the Taylor Swift new album, life of a show girl at the gym. And I was like, I actually feel like listening to that. And then I was like, hey, what’s Taylor’s human design? And what like do you know what I mean? I’m just like doing whatever I want. I’m gonna read that book again and listen to Taylor Swift. And I was like, I actually feel like recording about what I’m sharing now, but also in the lens of, I’m gonna do a behind the scenes episode of the launch for perfectionist getting shit done that we have coming up, and I’m just gonna share this. And I walked around the deck of our house. I was scooting around on Liddy scooter for some of it. I was standing in the pantry for some of it because I needed to charge my phone. I was just talking literally into voice memos on my phone, no recording equipment.
I was like, I just want to share about this. And like, really hash it out for myself and letting myself record things, and I didn’t know, and I still don’t know, will I share that on the main podcast? Will I share that just with my coaching clients? Will I never share that and it’s just purely for my own benefit? I don’t know, but I know the act of sharing that connects me like actually recording it. And so I’m going to do that. That was yesterday, and then today, I was like, Okay, what I need to do, what I want to do is close that connection loop and be publishing things again. Like, I need to be publishing things I haven’t even and this is so rare for the podcast I haven’t recorded, like, published an episode last week, and then there was, like, two weeks before that, there was one that didn’t go out, and just like a symptom of this disconnection. And so I’ve been noticing it, but then not in a position emotionally to not be disconnected and to reconnect myself.
So then when it came to today, I was like, I want to to actually be publishing things and all of that. And then what I noticed was like, actually, first before I do that, I need to reconnect to the business. I need to reconnect to So yesterday, I connected to clients and coaching, and was in the PGSD forum coaching. We didn’t have a coaching call yesterday, so I was like, connected and reading everyone, like what they’re up to and what they’re working on and all of that. And so then I was feeling a lot more connected. So today I was like, Hey, I actually really feel like the next step is to connect back to the business and to connect to myself as a business woman, not just as a twin mom of four, who is like, kind of having a business as a side hustle, which isn’t the vibe, but had kind of inadvertently become the vibe, because Liam is four and a half months old at this point, and I wanted to keep working, or, like, not have any hard parameters around what I would be working and not working.
And so it did just kind of merge that, like, in the office here we had, like, and I’m organizing cupboards and things like that, and like, systemizing a lot of the house in order to reduce mental load, and, like, make things a lot easier. And I feel like, now all my babies are here, like, now I could just nest in a way that i is just so different to nesting in pregnancy is like nesting now you have all your birds in the nest with you, so there’s a lot of that reorganizing happening. And like my personal style and like figuring out what that looks like. And just like a lot of shifts that have been happening starting to, like, manifest in physical reality. But I had here, like, my the toys that had overflowed from the cupboard and things like that. And then I had, like, because the kids, if I’m in here and they’re awake, they will, which isn’t happening that much. But when Lydia, if I’m going to work during the twins nap time and Liam’s nap time, then she will often come in with in here with me, and she wants to do business with me, which, of course, I’m going to support that.
My dream is that we started business together, me and all my kids, that we have a business together. So I’m, like, wanting to foster that. But I had, like, pens everywhere, and like unicorn drawings and all these different things, and like what I did to. I was like, I want to reconnect with the business. I’m just going to intuit what that actually looks like, like, what, what I’m going to just feel into it, like that feminine energy of I’m just going to, like, feel into what connection with the business looks like for me. And so what I ended up doing, I just kind of like verbally processed, which I love doing at ChatGPT, but I just like, do the voice recording or whatever, and I just like, say a bunch of stuff and just verbally process that way and make sense of things. So I was doing that about, like, what the reconnection would look like. I’m like, I feel like actually cleaning up my space, and not from this, like avoidant energy, really. Like, cleaning can be a connective practice or a disconnective practice, if you’re disconnected, like if you’re trying to avoid something, and so you’re cleaning as a way to distract yourself from having to do the thing you actually want to be connected with. But this was such a connecting thing.
I was like, I want to really transform the office into a different energy, and I’ve been feeling like the design of the office feels outdated, or like I’ve moved past it. It’s been like how it is with my gallery wall you might have seen on Instagram, which I love, by the way, but like, I’ve had it like this for three years. I just feel like I’m ready for what’s next. And on the weekend when Liddy was in here with me, she was like, Oh, Mom, I want to close the curtains and the block out curtains. And I was like, Oh, I love leading the moment. She’s like, I want to close it. I was like, Okay, you can close it. And close it. And I was like, this actually feels so nice, because it doesn’t even feel like I’m in my home because I can’t see we live on acreage. We have, like, beautiful grass and trees and everything out the window. But like, I actually feel like I’m entering, like a different portal, if you will, like, I’m in a different space. And so I’ve got the curtains closed currently, which I normally would not do. I’m like, of course, I want to have the sunlight and, like all of that. I love having a window. But also I want to just feel like I’m somewhere different without having to add a commute.
Like, literally last because, like, do I go to a co working space again or get an office? Like, actually, what I’m craving is switching off family life mode and mum mode, and switching on to being a businesswoman and being in that mentality. And so today, I was like, Hey, I just want to, like, update my space. And so I just did very basic things. I got I put to the side, like every other room in this house is very much like, we have lots of photos up of all the kids and all of that, and but I had photos here of the kids right in front of me, and on my screensaver, like my wallpaper. And I was like, I actually want to have it be business related. And like, this room is business related. And like, for just me as a business woman. And of course, I’m still a mom, and of course I still think about the kids, but I’m not That’s not what I mean to connect with while I’m in this room. What I’m needing to connect with in this room is me as a businesswoman, and to connect with the business and to connect with my clients.
And so what I did was I got out business books that have been on our other bookshelf. I don’t have a bookshelf in here, actually, but I put them on the side table. I put a chair back in here so I have a cozy little corner for journaling. And I want to have a different chair, but that chair is sufficient. So I’ve got that chair, I’ve got another plant, and I have got a candle lit right in front of me. I had, like, my MacBook, I have two screens, a big one, and then my MacBook Air is open and it’s propped up so it’s at a good height, so I’m not having to, like, look down all the time. And I had it just on, like a three birds renovations book and other things like that, to have it up. But I put it on and said, some Alex Hormozi books I have that are like, business related. So I’m actually, like, bringing business back into the space. I took those photos down. What else did I do? I cleaned up the cupboard a bit. That was just like, there’s a lot of stuff in that cupboard that’s more like child related, like wrapping paper for presents, for kids birthday parties and all of that kind of stuff.
So I’m moving that out, and that will be part of, like, I didn’t do it all today. I just got it to sufficiency, but I’m gonna keep reorganizing that and get things into a different home. And then what I did, which I’m looking at right now, which I love, is I made two screen savers because I was like, I was like, I want to actually see my clients faces, because I have so many clients that we work with in PGSD and in my one on one coaching, and I want to see their faces as I’m creating. And I want to just be met with the sufficiency of my business as it currently says. It’s kind of like basically a vision board. But if the vision is like the life you’re actually in is what I have created. And it’s the kind of vision board that I literally did create as a screen saver many years ago, and to just see that like having so I have, I went around different places. I’ve got some podcast reviews, some five star podcast reviews. I’ve got all time downloads for the podcast, which is currently 3,156,000.
I’ve got little just quotes from people like testimonials wins from the PGSD forum that people have shared. I’ve gone into the PGSD forum and got little like screenshots of some PGSDers faces with their names. And it says, like, how many posts I’ve done, and when they joined, when they last visited, I’ve got that. And I’ve just got, like, this wall of connection in front of me that I’m looking at, that I’ve got my profit and loss, and I can see, and this has been a big thing, like, I’ve been feeling disconnected from who I am. And I think that was, as well, one of the the most painful things about there was a lot of joy with the twins postpartum just to be clear, but one of the painful things about it was I felt like I forgot myself. Like I felt like I not that I didn’t even know who I was, but like I forgot who I was. Like I knew who I was, but I was forgetting it, and I like, wasn’t acting like me, and particularly when it came to business, I felt like the year prior to their birth, I felt so powerful in business, and then I didn’t feel that way after they were born, because I didn’t realize I disconnected. I hired a marketing manager, which disconnected me from actually doing the marketing and the selling.
So I disconnected myself from that. I had PGSD coaches, where our PGSDers loved. So many benefits to all that, but also I wasn’t doing coaching calls, I wasn’t doing podcast episodes, like I just actually disconnected myself in so many different ways, and then I was trying to do the perfect launch when I’d already figured out how to launch and to just like to know for me that the most painful thing was feeling like I’d forgotten who I was, and I didn’t feel powerful. And I felt like I’ve made over $2 million in my business, and I feel like it feels so hard to even make a few 100,000 like, What the hell is happening? And there was so much shame around that as well. Like, what is going on there? Like, was it not real? Because I now, like, feel like I can’t do that again when, like, I deeply know how to do it. So what I’ve got as well on this screen is the profit and loss from the entirety that we have in our accounting software. And the overall gross profit is 2,189,000 and to just see as well, like to see the profit that we have over that period as well, and to see wages and salaries.
And just like I’ve paid myself over or about $600,000 and then also in terms of other big expenses, or, like, technically, OPEX operating expenses, professional development, $322,000 that is wild to me. That is so insane in the best way, like, what a joy that I’ve been able to invest in professional and personal development, coaching, containers, masterminds, one on one, coaches, programs like I have got to feed my mind such incredible food for having this business. So I’ve met with that, and that is connecting me and having me feel so connected to the point where I was like, and now I just feel like I just have to pick up the microphone and record and just record it in such a way where I can just publish it, and I don’t have to do anything fancy with it, or like, I can just have it go out. And I really hope it’s been helpful to hear me chat, to hear me chat about connection and disconnection and the power of reconnecting to yourself, to your craft, to nature, like just getting those connection points back, if you’re feeling like you are stagnant, if you’re feeling like you are just stuck, or you’re like returning, like I’ve been returning after a postpartum that I’m now like, oh, I actually feel ready to be connected to the business.
Whereas until really this week, I haven’t felt ready to be connected. I’ve been doing things, but I haven’t felt like to I have the capacity to really be connected to the business and to be connected to my personal life. So I’ve been really nurturing connection in my personal life, so that in the business now I can be so connected and do both instead of being like, well, if I’m going to be more connected to the business, I have to be disconnected from my personal life. I feel like I’ve just really connected with my personal life in a way that I feel like, and now I can just, I have the capacity, I’ve developed the capacity through my thinking, to be able to have the capacity and the connection with my business, that the business needs me to have, and that I want to have.
And so that has just been, yeah, it’s just been a wild ride so far. And I’m like, I feel like I I’ve, like, figured out the secret to the universe for me, at least personally, I’d seen it all through this connection lens. And then tomorrow is going to be all about taking that spark content, like connecting back as well to the bigger goals, to the finances of the business, to the operations of the business, of like, what’s going on with my team, and, like, all of those things. But I was like, first I’ve got to connect to the space and, like, the energy of the business. And I feel like journaling again, and not just like only typing things out, or only voice noting and just like all of that, and it’s just such a non linear process. But as I’m doing and I’m realizing there is a linearity to it, but I’ve had to feel into like, Okay, start with like, whatever I feel like doing, like the flowy thing, and then naturally, any systemizing is born from that, and it’s born in a really effective way, instead of what I try to go.
When I’m in that perfectionist mindset, I’m feeling insecure, I’m feeling inadequate, I’m feeling like I’m behind, like any of that energy, I’m feeling rushed. Then I try to go into that like the masculine energy of like the number and the daughters and daughter and all of that. And for me, I’ve got to go into that feminine first. I’ve got to go into connection, and then productivity naturally emerges. And I do end up doing those like masculine, I don’t mean male or female. There’s masculine, feminine energy. I go into those more masculine kinds of activities, but with such a different lens, such a connected lens, and I feel like that is that to be guys just felt like figuring out the secret of the universe, to have this realization of like, oh, it all makes sense. So with that said, I hope you’re having a beautiful day, and I will talk to you in the next episode.
Outro
If you enjoyed this episode, I want to invite you into my coaching program called perfectionist getting shit done. It’s for perfectionist entrepreneurs, and inside, you’re going to learn my simple, proven process for how to get out of your own way. In your business, you’re going to be taking consistent action without burning out, even if you have a full time job, you’re a parent, you have a health issue, you’ve got a lot on your plate. That’s exactly who we help inside PGSD. We teach you. We have you master how to show up for your business and stop having the productivity issues that are being caused by perfectionism that are making it so, so, so hard to grow your business, even though you know you have the potential to have a successful business, we teach you how to work with your perfectionist mindset instead of against it, so you can be showing up consistently and sustainably and your business can finally grow. So to find out more about the program and to join us inside today, go to samlaurabrown.com/pgsd.