A PGSDer recently asked me an important question: “How do you know whether you are getting in your own way because of perfectionist thoughts or actually from a genuine skill gap (or lack of knowledge)?” In today’s episode, I’m sharing the answer.
If you’re not sure why you’re getting in your own way, today’s episode is for you. If you’re a perfectionist and you’re building a business, you want to listen to this episode today.
If you want a little motivational boost from me in your inbox every day, you need to sign up for my daily Perfectionist Power-Up emails: samlaurabrown.com/ppu.
If you’re ready to get out of your own way in your business, you want to join my coaching program Perfectionists Getting Shit Done (PGSD). Sign up now at samlaurabrown.com/pgsd.
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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Introduction
This is the Perfectionism Project, the only podcast created specifically for perfectionists who are building businesses. I’m your host, Sam Laura Brown, perfectionism expert and entrepreneur. I teach perfectionists how to plan properly, consistently follow through and rest without guilt so they can build profitable and fulfilling businesses without burning out.
I’ve helped over a thousand perfectionist entrepreneurs do exactly that inside my program, Perfectionist Getting Shit Done. If you’re tired of procrastinating, overthinking and half finishing your ideas, you’re in the right place. Now, let’s dive in.
Sam Laura Brown (Custom intro)
In today’s episode, I am sharing an excerpt from a PGSD coaching call because I answered a question that had been asked in Ask a Coach in the PGSD forum and I answered that on the call just to share a bit more of an explanation and so everyone can hear it about the difference between or how to know when it is a perfectionist thought that’s making you get in your own way and you have a perfectionist problem that’s holding you back and how do you know when you just genuinely actually have a skill gap or a lack of knowledge that is stopping you from being able to move forward and being able to succeed in your business.
This is such an important question to consider and to know the answer to because we perfectionists with our all-or-nothing mindset can really get into the mentality that it’s just one or the other and a lot of times we go into it’s just that I’m not skilled enough, I need to learn more about marketing, I need to learn more about selling, I need to learn more about branding and especially if you’re someone that you have actually already then gone out and learned a sufficient amount of that and then you’re still in this mindset of I just need to go and learn something else.
I really, really, really, really want you to hear this like I just need a certification even though I know what I’m doing like I just want someone to sign off on this like if you’re in any of that then you really want to hear the answer to this so that you can unlock skills and so you can actually take the knowledge that you do have even though your perfectionist brain doesn’t feel like it’s enough knowledge. You have got a lot and you can start taking that knowledge that you do have and put it to use so I hope you find this really helpful and that this helps you to get clarity on whether it is perfectionist thinking that is making you get in your own way or whether it is a genuine lack of skill or knowledge.
Sam Laura Brown (Start of episode)
I wanted to just start, and then we’ll do some open coaching, but I wanted to start by answering a question that Lydia posted in Ask a Coach. And this question, there’s so many different ways to approach it. I replied to Lydia and said, could you share some more context so I can answer in the most helpful way? But I think just in general, this question is a really, a really important one to be thinking about and to know the answer to.
So she said, how do you know whether you are getting it in your own way because of perfectionist thoughts or actually from a genuine skill gap or lack of knowledge? And as I would say, I’ve been thinking about this question for the last few days. And the main thing that I’ve been thinking about is first of all, how a lot of times when we ask questions, we present it in quite an all or nothing way as this question is presented. So this is something to be aware of anytime and this is just kind of like how it’s often done is like, is it this or is it that? Like, how do I know which one? And the answer is often it’s both.
That both are happening or like it’s not just A or B, but our brains go into, is it A or is it B? And unless I’m a hundred percent certain it’s A or that it’s B, that I’m then confused and I can’t move forward. So that’s how I’d start is saying, just looking for any question. Am I posing it in an all or nothing way? And with that, as I was thinking further about it, the, how do you know you’re getting in your own way because of perfectionist thoughts or actually from a genuine skill gap or lack of knowledge? How I think about it and really why PGSD is so important in your entrepreneurial journey is because perfectionist thoughts stop us from closing skill gaps and perfectionist thoughts stop us from gaining the knowledge that we need to be able to get what we want.
So when we’re in this sort of like, is it perfectionist thoughts or I just actually don’t have the skill, I’d more so be thinking about how might it be true that there’s a perfectionist thought that is stopping me from developing the skill that is required to achieve this goal, or that is stopping me from gaining the knowledge that is required. So often the best knowledge comes through taking action. And not just because we learn from the feedback from that action that we do, but also because when we take action, we can actually see what we do know and what we don’t know.
And also why power planning is such an important tool is your actions will reveal your mind and your perfectionist thinking that is going on. So when you, like for me, when I’m looking at my power planning, it’s such a practical way that I can look at my thoughts because every action I take is downstream from a thought and a feeling. But I have so many thoughts going on that I’m not able to capture my thoughts and notice what they are, but I can notice my actions and see what I’m thinking and what I’m feeling by looking at my actions and studying my actions.
So coming back to this question about is it a perfectionist thought or is it a genuine skill gap? Like what we are doing here in PGSD is shifting perfectionist thoughts so you can close skill gaps. And so you can put the knowledge you have into use and where there is a missing piece of knowledge, you can actually identify what that is and get that knowledge and then put it to use. So that’s really overall what we’re doing.
So it’s not this either or situation and like, oh no, it’s just a skill gap. There’s no perfectionist thought going on to just think about might there be a perfectionist thought or premise that is getting in the way of me developing the skill. And also like, what are the skills that I believe are required to develop to get to where I want to go? What is the knowledge that I believe is required? And what of that knowledge do I have and don’t I have? We often in our perfectionist thinking are in the mindset of, well, I’m like being smart should be enough.
If I’m smart, then there’s no reason I shouldn’t be successful. And that thought can really make us feel a lot of shame because there’s so much more to achieving a goal than being smart and intellectually understanding things as skills like resilience, bouncing back, the emotional capacities required, just smartness. Is it the only ingredient in the recipe to achieving the goal? So we could go into this, is it either like I’m smart, so I should just be able to achieve it or, oh, it’s because there’s nothing going on.
Mindset wise to me, it’s literally just that I’m missing this skill. But the way we know there’s no perfectionist thinking going on is you just identify that skill, get that skill, put it to use and get the result. Or if there’s a lack of knowledge, you just identify exactly what that lack of knowledge is, get the knowledge, put it to use.
Even like the question of, is it this or that is a perfectionist question that we ask. Is it A or is it B? I’m like, well, there’s actually a lot of different things as well. So I hope that makes sense.
And for Lydia to give some clarity and I’m happy to answer any questions on that. But just knowing that we are here to develop skills and we are here to gain more knowledge. And we do that by like shifting the perfectionist thoughts that stop us from developing skills and stop us from acquiring and using knowledge.
Because lack of knowledge often isn’t the problem, but there’s like, there’s so much you do need to learn along the way. But typically, especially when people join PGSD, they have enough knowledge to take the next step and they have enough skills to take the next step. But their perfectionist brain doesn’t feel like it’s safe to do that or has lots of criteria of like, well, I’m not ready because of this.
So again, it comes back to, I don’t feel safe enough emotionally to do that. It feels too risky. If I do that, I might do it wrong.
If I do it wrong, I won’t be loved by me or by anyone else. I’ll be disconnected. So if I do it perfect, that’s how I’m going to stay connected to myself and to everyone else.
So there’s the perfection, like when people, especially for anyone who’s just come in and Lydia came in, in June, that typically the starting point when someone joins PGSD is there isn’t a lack of knowledge that is stopping you from taking action. There isn’t a lack of skills that is stopping you from taking action. There’s perfectionist, and then there might be like in terms of skills, not like a, say for example, like the skill of selling, but it’s more so like this skill of resilience, the skill of putting yourself out there and getting nothing back and then being willing to do it again.
Like those are the skills often that are needing to be developed so that you can put the knowledge you have into use and then go out and get more knowledge through taking action and through being like, actually, it’s this specific thing I need to know. I’m going to go and learn that and then I’m going to apply it, which is different from I’m doing everything, nothing’s working. I need to do something completely different.
Let me go and learn this whole new thing and then let me learn it all perfectly before I go out and do anything with that. Or, like I know Lydia is a copywriter, to go, okay, maybe it’s just like my copywriting skills aren’t great. I’m going to spend the next year just like really fine tuning my copywriting skills and just like we can really go into, it sounds so smart to do this.
Let me just go back into hiding and like perfect myself and then I’ll come out instead of I’m going to improve my copywriting skills through copywriting for clients. Best way to do it. As a coach, I’m going to improve my coaching skills by coaching clients.
It’s not to say I can’t also go and learn skills in other ways, but it’s just interesting to look at anytime where like, let me just stop taking action and like put something on pause so that I can go into this more intellectual learning. Unless there’s like a very clear like this, and this is a nuance that can be brought to coaching for sure, but like I can help you determine what is going on, which is why I said to Lydia, can you please share more? Because I can help you not just answer the question in a more general way, but I can say like, here’s what I think is going on for you. But it’s not this either or like we never need to get new knowledge or new skills and it’s just perfectionist thinking or it’s only about skills and knowledge and there’s no perfectionist thinking.
It’s shifting your perfectionist thinking unlocks your ability to learn new skills and to gain new knowledge and to put your knowledge into use. And just to be aware of any time that your brain tells you, let’s just put this on pause while I go and learn that like that can continue on for years and decades for many perfectionists. Just like, let me, cause there’s always more to learn.
I love learning. We all here love learning, but if we’re learning as a way to hide, it’s not the most helpful learning. Like the learning is, can you keep building your business while learning instead of I’m either building the business or I’m learning.
So I hope that’s helpful.
Episode Custom Outro
I hope you found that episode incredibly helpful and just to hear that it is not either or that you have perfectionist thinking, especially if you relate to what I share on this podcast. There are perfectionist thoughts that are stopping you from using the skills you have and further developing those skills. And there are perfectionist thoughts that are stopping you from using the knowledge you have and further gaining knowledge.
And I really want to invite you into perfectionist getting shit done to get out of your own way, to learn how to shift your perfectionist thinking using tools like the growth goal and power planning and clean rest to be able to show up fully for your business, put yourself out there, do the things you know you need to do, be confident as you do them. And it’s not that perfectionist thinking is the only thing that’s going on, but it is something massive that is going on that does need to be addressed. Otherwise, no matter how much you learn, no matter how many skills you develop, you will not be able to build the business to the level that you know you can.
And I just want to say, I just really want to say this, and for you to hear it, that we perfectionists, because we often can just see only the imperfections and the insufficiencies, like that’s literally how a perfectionist brain works, is just constantly spotting for imperfection, that it can be challenging to recognize when you have learned a sufficient amount, when you are sufficiently ready, knowledge-wise or skill-wise, to be able to take the next step. So I totally, totally get it. I have been there, been there so deeply.
I’m just like, no, no, no. I know some of this stuff, but I just need to learn this little bit extra. Or how would this person say it? Let me go learn from this other person.
We can just really be in that mentality that we still just don’t know quite enough yet, and that once we do, we will feel more confident, we will feel ready. But it’s your perfectionist thinking that is stopping you from feeling ready or being willing to do it when you don’t feel ready yet. If you have heard that saying, start before you feel ready, that is a skill.
Starting before you feel ready is a skill. It’s an emotional skill. We teach that inside perfectionist getting shit done.
Bouncing back from failure, just keeping on going, that is a skill. Picking yourself back up, that is a skill. So inside perfectionist getting shit done, you will learn a lot of skills.
You will also learn knowledge. You will understand your perfectionist brain. You will learn how to work with it instead of against it so you can do the things you need to do to build your business.
There are so many skills, so many skills that are often not talked about that you will learn inside perfectionist getting shit done that will really be the unlock for you. And this is why so many perfectionist entrepreneurs come into PGSD and get such incredible results because they have typically learned a decent amount about marketing and what their business is and how people can be successful in that kind of business. They have often taken programs and done courses on their specific thing that they’re doing, but they aren’t actually taking the steps they need to take to build the business because of the perfectionist thinking and not knowing how to work with that perfectionist brain instead of against it.
So I want to invite you inside. PGSD is open now. And I want to mention this too, actually, perfectionist getting shit done is open.
Previously, we have been in an open and closed enrollment situation. So PGSD is either open for a week and then you can sign up or it’s closed and you’re not able to sign up between our open enrollments. But we have moved to PGSD being open for enrollment every day of the year so that you, the moment you have had enough of your perfectionist brain holding you back and making you get in your own way, whether that is at 2am in the morning or 3pm in the afternoon and you’re just so frustrated with the amount of overthinking you have done with an email newsletter or a post and you’re like, I am just ready to learn how to stop procrastinating, how to stop overthinking, how to follow through with my plans, how to put myself out there confidently, even when my perfectionist brain is telling me I’m just not ready yet.
You can join PGSD no matter what time of day or what day it is that you have had that moment that you just know, okay, I’m ready right now to get out of my way. You can sign up for PGSD in that very moment. Go to samlaurabrown.com /PGSD.
You can go to that page. You can sign up. You can get instant access to everything right away.
You can have the PGSD private podcast in your ears within minutes of signing up for PGSD and hear me coaching someone on those exact things that you have been struggling with. You can join our next weekly live coaching call. You can post in, ask a coach right away.
You can just start getting out of your own way today. And this is work that just like, it works so well with anything else that you’re learning. If you are in a program or learning skills of marketing and sales and any of those things that PGSD works so, what’s the word, synergistically with things like that, because you are learning what to do in those programs and PGSD allows you and teaches you the skills of how to actually do it, how to follow through with plans, how to plan in a way that works with your perfectionist brain so that you can follow through without having to force yourself and pressure yourself and burn yourself out.
It is just, it’s absolutely, if you relate to what I talk about on this podcast, it is the thing that you want and to get out of your own way. The sooner you can do that, the sooner you can stop being exasperated with yourself and with your procrastination, overthinking and knowing what to do and not doing it consistently and you can start getting out of your own way. So I want to invite you to join PGSD today.
The doors are open. The link is in the show note. If you do have any questions at any point about the program, support@samlaurabrown.com is where to email or you can DM on Instagram @perfectionismproject and we will reply to you.
You want to be inside perfectionist getting shit done. This is me inviting you, imploring you to get yourself inside and start getting out of your own way today. I hope you’ve enjoyed this episode and I will talk to you in the next one.
Outro
If you struggle to build your business due to procrastination or overthinking, or maybe you keep burning yourself out, I want to invite you to join my program, Perfectionist Getting Shit Done. Inside, I will teach you my proven process for getting shit done as a perfectionist entrepreneur. In case you didn’t know, perfectionists can’t follow the same productivity advice as everyone else.
When we do, we get in our own way. So let me teach you what works inside the program. It’s simple and anyone can learn.
To sign up today, visit samlaurabrown.com/pgsd. I’ll see you inside.