There’s something that every perfectionist needs to know about clean rest: Clean rest that doesn’t feel restorative is STILL clean rest.
Sometimes clean rest will have you feeling energised, recharged, peaceful, present and inspired.
Other times you’ll feel bored and restless.
And that’s ok because feeling ‘good’ isn’t what defines time off your business as clean rest.
And because you’re a human being (we’re not designed to feel happy 24/7).
Learning to have your own back, regardless of whether you feel good or not, will always be an important part of your clean rest practice.
This is why it’s so important to let yourself rest regardless of how you feel AND to not make it mean anything if it doesn’t always feel perfect to you.
I go into more detail as to why this is the case, as well as what counts as clean rest versus what doesn’t, as I coach PGSDer Jenna in this episode.
In This Episode You’ll Learn:
- A deeper understanding of what it really means to get clean rest
- What counts as clean rest versus what doesn’t
- Why it’s important to let yourself rest (even if it doesn’t feel perfect)
- How getting clean rest helps you work towards your business goals consistently
PGSD is opening to new students on 27 July 2022:
The PGSD Process will get you out of your own way in your business and have you making more money more easily. The doors to Perfectionists Getting Shit Done will be opening at 6am New York time on 27 July and closing at 11:59pm New York time on 2 August 2022. To find out more about the program and be the first to know when the doors open, join the waitlist here: samlaurabrown.com/pgsd.
Featured In The Episode:
- Jenna’s instagram – @emotakwip
- Jenna’s instagram – @quevivavulnerability
- Join the waitlist for Perfectionists Getting Shit Done (PGSD) – samlaurabrown.com/pgsd
- Learn the basics of Power Planning – samlaurabrown.com/planning
- Sign up for daily Perfectionist Power-Ups – samlaurabrown.com/power
- Follow me on Instagram @perfectionismproject
Listen To The Episode
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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Hi, and welcome to another episode of The Perfectionism Project. A podcast full of perfectionism advice for entrepreneurs. My name is Sam Laura Brown, I help entrepreneurs release their perfectionism handbrake, so they can get out of their own way and build a fulfilling and profitable business. I’m the founder of the perfectionist getting shit done group coaching program, which is otherwise known as PGSD. And for even more perfectionism advice to help you with your business, you can follow me on Instagram @perfectionismproject.
Sam Laura Brown
This episode is the fourth part in my five part series on clean rest, I hope you have been enjoying it. And this series is also an invitation to join PGSD as is every episode of this podcast. That is where you can take this work to a deeper level, you can master it, practice it, embody it, and not just intellectually understand these concepts about perfectionism and planning, and how to get out of your own way, but to actually be living them and doing the things that you know you need to do to build your business.
So I want to invite you into PGSD, the doors are opening at 6am, New York time on the 27th of July, and the doors are closing for enrollment at 11:59pm, New York time on the second of August. So if you want to find out more about PGSD, and you are not yet on the PGSD waitlist, I encourage you to go to samlaurabrown.com/pgsd. That’s where you can find out more about it, the investment, all of that kind of information, you can put your name on the waitlist, and you’ll be the first to know when the doors open. So you don’t miss the enrollment period. We are strict with that. And we don’t allow people to sign up after the doors are closed.
So I want to make sure that you know about it, and that you are able to get prepared if you need to so that you can join us during the week that we are open. And you can plan properly as a perfectionist, follow through your plans 80% of time, rest without guilt and repeat that is the PGSD process. It’s a process for creating a growth mindset is the process for getting out of your own way in your business or showing up fully and creating the success that you know you deserve.
So in this episode, I’m going to be sharing a snippet with permission a PGSD coaching call that I did inside PGSD. With one of our PGSDers Jenna. As I mentioned, she has given permission for me to share this on the podcast I am so grateful that she has because I know that what we cover in this coaching call is going to really help you to understand clean rest at a deeper level. And to really get that clean rest. Like yes, we want to be focusing on developing that ability to rest without feeling guilty.
And yes, rest is restorative. But also just because you aren’t feeling recharged after you rest. That doesn’t mean that you aren’t getting clean rest, right? And that you’re not good enough at clean rest and that it doesn’t count. We need to be really generous with ourselves for what counts as clean rest. And I want you to be thinking especially in the beginning as you enter this practice of clean rest to be thinking about clean resting time that you are intentionally deciding you won’t work on the business. It is a no go for business stuff.
And to not overthink when you’re asking, are you feeling guilty? Or not? Does that count when you’ve been productive or not? Does that count as clean rest? Are you feeling recharged? Does that count as clean rest like Yes, get curious about what kind of est does feel best to you. And use power planning to do that. But at the same time, to not use clean rest as a tool against yourself. So in this coaching call, we explore what counts as clean rest and what doesn’t. And I really hope you find it helpful, I have a good feeling that you will. So thank you to Jenna for giving me permission to share this, I will leave links to where you can find out more about her and her business and all that kind of stuff in the show notes.
And yeah, here is the excerpt of Oh, actually, I just want to mention too, in case you’re wondering PGSD we do weekly coaching calls. And as I mentioned, this is a portion of one of the coaching calls. And this is where you are really able to get support. And also not just like you being supported personally that you will get that. But also we have the PGSD private podcast where you can listen to replay recordings on the go and really just have like if you love this podcast, it is really like that.
But all coaching calls and you’re going to hear other PGSDers who are also perfectionist entrepreneurs that are also doing this work to plan properly and follow through 80% of the time and rest without guilt and repeat. And they are even if they’re on the other side of the world. And even if they have a completely different kind of business, you’ll be able to see yourself in them and hearing them getting coached is first of all just going to be so relieving because you really start like the more PGSDers you hear getting coach, the more and more you be like, Ah, it’s not just me.
Like there’s that title of the Brene Brown book like I thought it was just me but it isn’t like that’s how you’re going to feel when you listen to all these coaching calls. If you don’t already feel that way from this podcast, and if you do, you’re going to feel even more that way. Listen to the private podcast, but it’s so powerful to hear others getting coached and seeing like not just learning the principles and that kind of thing that I talked about on the podcast, but really seeing what it looks like in practice and the things that come up and getting the nuance of it, and being able to navigate through what it looks like for you to plan properly. And that’s going to look different to everyone else.
And what are your needle movers and what is your growth goal, and just like all these things that come up along the way, as we are building our business and getting out of our own way, and creating that growth mindset, and building up our, you know, resilience, and failure, tolerance, and all these different things, that just having some of you can turn to where people get one is like to be a perfectionist, they don’t kind of look at you funny, or whatever that they like, they love business, they love personal development, they get you they understand you and we create such a safe space, I’m so proud of it, that we do this, that you can really come to a coaching call.
And you can feel so safe sharing things that you might be embarrassed to share sharing the ups and the downs of your business journey, because inevitably, there will be ups and downs. And that’s all normal. And the calls are really an opportunity for you too, as I say, get that sense of relief, like oh, it’s not just me. And that is going to remove so much shame, which is going to make it so much easier to show up in your business. And you’re going to be able to get the personalized tweaks and like, you’re going to have a mirror held up to you in the best possible way.
Because we all have blind spots like this is why I’m in a mastermind like we all have things that we can’t see like when we’re efficient water, we can’t see our own brain. And even if you’re really great at spotting it in other people, you still need someone to help you see your brain. So that’s why I really want to encourage you to sign up for PGSD and join us in there. Because it’s really going to help you embody what I’ve been talking about with this series. And have you planning properly, following through 80% of time, resting without guilt and repeating.
So you can create that growth mindset. And really, it’s about like, I want to give you access to the tools that will get you out of your own way. And I just want to make sure you know about it, you’re invited in you can imagine what it would be like to be in there. And so by sharing this coaching call, I hope it gives you an idea of what the coaching calls are like, also a bit of an idea of who else is inside PGSD and specifically the content of the coaching call in this instance, especially what counters clean rest and what doesn’t. So with that said, enjoy the episode.
Okay, so I noticed this pattern that happened this past week. So last week, I had like, Monday through Friday, just like feeling so good. My way I’m getting so much done like boom, boom, I’m updating my iCal, like, yeah, my iCal, you know, putting all those checkmarks in like, boom, boom, look at me, like making decisions in the moment of like, what’s aligned and like also getting shit done, boom, boom, boom. I’m not gonna say there was no clean rest, because, you know, not all or nothing, but like, there was like 10% or less of clean rest.
So, and I remember thinking, towards the end of the week, I remember thinking like, oh, I can’t wait for Saturday, which now I realized was me, my brain being like, I can’t wait for clean rest. I didn’t realize that until right now during the call. But anyway, so it was like I had all this I put all this in my mind for Saturday, Saturday, I’m gonna rest finally Saturday, I’m gonna get to rest. And then Saturday came. I don’t know if it was Friday night or Saturday.
But point being is I like I broke. And I don’t really know how to describe it. But I just I could feel it inside me. Like I felt the shift inside me of like, all of a sudden the world is just like, everything irritates me, everything feels like it’s going to be the end, you know, getting in arguments feeling like I have to go into the gym and I have to have the best workout because it has to be like, good. I have to feel good about this because this Saturday was supposed to be my day of like, rejuvenating myself.
And so it’s been like that for the past four days. So now we’re at Tuesday and I’m like today I started moving out of that feelings. I listened to the clean rest. I submitted to get coached about clean rest and then I listened to the the modules on clean rest today. So I’m like, like today finally I’m like, starting to take some action steps but it’s seriously been like Saturday, Sunday, Monday of just like, like on the edge.
And I feel like in my opinion, that’s clean rest and I also feel like it’s a pattern in my life of like, I’ll do like probably that I just had even a couple of weeks ago. And I think I’ve been calling it like, Oh, it’s my cycle. It’s my cycle, which I mean, there could be some influence there. But I think I’ve been just dismissing it like that. And now I’m like, something’s going on, because I do this high impact week of being excited and going through.
And then the following week, I’m like, I really need to do clean rest. I’m not committing to clean rest, like, see, Jenna, this is why you need clean rest. Like this was your lesson. This was what you learned last week of like, how important clean rest is and oh, great, now you’re gonna do clean rest, and like you’re balanced it out. And then I do clean rest for like, a week or whatever. And then back again. So I get Yeah, so it’s like something in that like getting coached and like something in that world.
Sam Laura Brown
Yeah. So I love how this happens. Like, this is exactly what I have been talking about at the beginning of this coaching call, how it’s like this belief that clean rest entitles you to feeling good. And if you could just get it’s kind of like, so if I just did my work early, then I’d be more successful. And then we like hold ourselves apart from doing the work early. So we can believe like, well, I’d feel better if I just did it early. And then if we do get it done early.
So in your case, if you do do the clean rest, and it’s like this pressure of like, well, I should feel good now because I’m getting clean rest. And it’s just like, it’s so interesting how this mindset like this kind of entitlement, if we want to call it that comes up of like, well, I like I should be getting like I should be feeling good when I’m getting clean rest. And so I have to like force myself and my clean rest to feel good. But a lot of times like I had the whole week last week, having like clean rest obviously was like looking after my daughter and doing other things within that. But there were some days I was like, I’m just like in a total funk.
And like that is also clean rest. It’s not like clean rest is just when we feel like Oh, I’m so rejuvenated and recharged like this ebbs and flows, there’s gonna be times where you’re like having clean rest, and you don’t feel amazing. And it’s still worth having the clean rest, and it still is clean rest. And also, I just want to mention, too, that when I told him I like when we solve for this false problem, I’m not saying that our cycle like that’s a false problem, like looking at your menstrual cycle and that kind of thing. But it’s interesting to ask like, okay, maybe there is some influence from your cycle.
But if it wasn’t your cycle, what could it be? If it wasn’t that, you know, getting the work done early or late is the thing that’s causing it? What could it be? And that’s when we can really start looking like for Chris and like, well, if it wasn’t that the lack of consistency was a problem before. And so now I’m consistent, I should be more successful, what could it be, and then we can really start to investigate. So when we look at this, what I actually want to do is have a look at how you’re thinking throughout that like high impact week.
Because I think it’s less about like, what’s happening come Saturday than that, that’s kind of just a symptom of how you’re thinking about yourself and your work and everything during that like high impact week to the point to that is like, we need a break. This isn’t sustainable that and like we want to be when we’re getting shit done. We want to be feeling like focused and clear. And like yes, it’s sometimes challenged and bored and all those things. But when we’re feeling like I just can’t wait for like this future time where I’m going to feel better.
Like we have clean rest so that we have an end to that and our brain knows this like reprieve from focus is coming. But it’s a little like alarm bell when we’re thinking of this, like happened to me during the launch, like a one of the days particularly like I’m keen for this to be over which I hadn’t been thinking I was like, Oh, that’s really like, how am I thinking today? Like, what are the thoughts I’m having today? It’s so helpful to even think like, instead of it’s this whole pattern, just like what what are the thoughts you having that day?
Oh, there’s something about how I’m thinking about today that I’m coming from a place of like inadequacy or like having for me it was like having to prove like I was trying to prove to myself with a launch that I can hit my goals and that I could turn a launch around or whatever that that like proving anything that comes from like when my approving trying to prove something to ourselves or to other people is exhausting.
And of course we’re like I can’t fucking wait for a break. Whereas we can still be focused and looking forward to the break. But also not in this way where we’re like telling ourselves life’s gonna be so good when we get there we’re gonna feel so much better in this I can’t say in this but I’m like getting shit done and so good. So for you like let’s go into that your… When was your high impact week if you want to call it that last week like starting Monday?
Yeah, so like last Monday to Friday.
Sam Laura Brown
Okay, tell me some of the thoughts you are having on Monday. About the week like this is going to be so productive. Like, what were you thinking? Generally? How are you feeling about the week?
Um, oh my God, I don’t know, that feels like a lifetime ago. But I have like it yeah, coming out of this feeling of like, I’m doing so well that I have to hold on to this. And like, look at me, I’m doing so well. I need more of like, like that…
Sam Laura Brown
I have to keep doing like…
Moving so yes. Like, like, See, see, this is who I am like I can. This is like, makes me think of like what you say about how we used to want and like fixed mindset you want it effortless like see I can do this. And it can’t it is effortless. It’s like, I feel like it was that feeling. And just like I kept wanting to be like, “See, see, see”, I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. So it was like, so yeah, that’s what I feel like that was like, even like more so than on the forefront of my mind and more of a like a driving force.
Sam Laura Brown
Yeah. And that makes sense. Like, it’s when we’re in that proving energy. And yeah, like earlier in our journey with all of this, it can come up as like, this different kind of flavor of it. Like, I’m not that person. And so I need to become that person. And we’re trying to like prove it. Whereas now you’re like, still kind of like on that journey bit further along. And now you’re like, Well, I am that person, but you’re not fully yet in the self image of that. So you’re like, well, now I have to prove to myself that this is who I am, and that I can maintain it.
And then it’s this, like you’re using your weak and how you show up as a way to prove and I talked about this in those episodes as well, like so many things, but proving to yourself that you are that kind of person instead of just approaching your week as being that person and knowing that that person who does follow through and is consistent is also going to have seasons ebbs and flows like good days and bad days, so to speak. Like we’re humans, we have brains.
They’re not like we’re not robots. And so when we’re using our week to prove to ourselves that yes, we are productive and look at me go and I’m Power Planning, I’m getting shit done. Of course, our brain is like, well, this is exhausting, because I just feel like I have to perform this whole, like I’m just kind of having to like, play.
It’s like so many of them pleasing, performing, perfecting that Brene Brown talks about like, that’s all going on. And so, yeah, then we’re like, oh, we want to have clean rest. But then that brings up like, when you approach your week, with this proving mentality, then that like trickles into how we approach clean rest. And it’s kind of like he took that same approach of like, see, I can clean rest now. And like, it needs to be like this topic in clean rest.
I even like my clean rest last week, I was like, Oh, I learned this week during my clean rest I didn’t have during my clean rest. I didn’t have rest. But I learned a lesson. I learned that I need to have like decision lists, activities or whatever. So I like even that I made it productive.
Sam Laura Brown
Yeah, and so like, it’s really important when like talking about productivity and clean rest, if you do something productive in clean rest time. We don’t want to be like, Oh, that’s bad, I need to like just, you know, sit down and do nothing. And that’s clean rest. It’s like, when I was taking my clean rise, I was like cleaning out the cupboards in the house and like organizing that and like, like I was doing things. And I was also like reading the book and other stuff like that, or like just feeling like in a funk and not really doing anything. And I watched like 10 episodes of selling sunset and like all the things. So it’s not like when we’re taking clean rest, it needs to be this like perfect nonproductive energizing kind of experience.
And I think, I think maybe it was Chris and I’ve coaching this before, like when we kind of have these rules around clean res that are very rigid and strict and narrow. And we think like only these certain things are clean rest and what you’re thinking about is like and I have to feel a certain way for it to be a clean rest. Like I have to be feeling good. Like when we can recognize sometimes I’m just going to feel like like in a bit of a blob mood and that’s still clean rest like, if we think about it instead like the first layer I guess with practicing clean rest is like there’s business time and there’s non business time.
So then we can start to be like, cool, I make a clear distinction. I’m not like resting, like having my day off or having an hour off. And then I’m like, oh, but I’m gonna go check Instagram or whatever. And it’s okay if you do that, and like, be compassionate with yourself, but to just like, have that distinction. And then as we practice more and more clean rest, then we can really start to have added layers of awareness around it or like nuance around it. But I think like, even for me, I’m still somewhat like, there’s business time, and there’s clean rest time.
And in my clean rest time, I’m looking after Lydia, and I’m like, organizing the covers at home, and I’m grocery shopping, and I’m whatever. And there are times I’m watching Kardashians, and like that, for now, in my mind, like that’s clean rest. And I’m still going through like the nuance of that and discovering that. And it doesn’t have to be that it’s like clean rest is only when you’re being unproductive and feeling energized, and recharged, and everything else isn’t clean rest.
Okay, that’s really sticking out to me, as you said that, like, intellectually, I hear you of like, it’s not a feel like I’m attaching clean rest to a feeling. And in or intellectual. I can be like, oh, yeah, I’m doing that. Like, that’s not how it is. But I feel it in my body still of like, yeah, that’s what clean rest should be like, I should feel if I don’t feel recharged after if I don’t feel calm through it. If I don’t feel a certain feeling, then it’s not going to be clean rest.
Sam Laura Brown
Yeah. And that’s okay, that you’ve been thinking that, but it isn’t helpful. And when we can start to think like I had this maybe a couple months ago, now. I had four days to clean rest. And I was like, it was I think, I don’t know what day the week it would have been. Maybe like Sunday evening, and I was on a walk. And I was like, I don’t feel recharged.
Like, I just feel like, I’m about to go back into my work week, and I just feel flat. And then I realized, like, oh, I can just decide to feel recharged, like the way that I decided I don’t feel recharged. And I had just said that, like I was saying, like the sky is blue kind of thing. Yeah. When I was like, I could actually like, let me try that on. I’ll just think like, I actually feel recharged. And I like directed my brain to, you know, thoughts that would be similar to that, that I already believed.
And I changed my experience in that like, even the other night, I was feeling really tired. Lydia’s been waking up quite a bit at night. And I haven’t been having as much sleep and I was like, my eye like I just feel so exhausted. And then I was actually like, losing out my eyes just feel like they’re like singing, like I just got present to the sensation, like, my eyes is singing. But otherwise, I actually feel pretty good if I just like get out and self pity about it. But I just have seen eyes.
And that’s fine. And it’s like 9pm I’m about to go to bed. But we can as we decide to not feel recharged, it is potentially also an option to decide that. And that might not be the case in every situation. And that’s going to be the solution. But in from what you’ve presented, like playing around with like, maybe I do feel recharged. Yeah. Like maybe this clean rest didn’t have to look the way I thought for me to be able to come out of it and come back into my business feeling like, I’ve got this, I’m consistent. And I don’t have to prove that to myself. I just am.
Yeah, that really resonates with me of like, making it a decision. Like, I like feelings, feelings are going to come and go like feelings are going to be all over the place. But like, I am recharged. I took this hour this time away from my work and like, therefore I am recharged to return to work tomorrow or like at whatever time it is. And like that really helps me confront the thinking part of it of like, because it is like then I don’t have clean rest. And then I have guilt that I didn’t have clean rest. And then it’s like this problem that I have to solve, like, how am I going to figure out how to clean rest because I’m never going to be productive in my business until I get really good at clean rest. You know. So yeah, that’s like super helpful, you know, deciding that I am rested.
Sam Laura Brown
Sorry, I was gonna say it’s not to say that we want to deny the feelings that we do have this isn’t about like a positivity bandaid on top of anything. But a lot of times it’s just this kind of like self pity kind of self indulgent, like, I don’t feel recharged. So now I kind of have a productive week and like we just kind of use it as an excuse to not give 100% effort because it feels scary to do that. So we’re like, oh, well, I would if I was recharged, but I’m not recharged. And then we have Yeah, so let’s continue. So we don’t feel recharged.
So it’s not to say that if there are feelings we need to be with and process that we’re just going to, like slap some like decision on top. But if we are in this kind of self pity, kind of flavor of things that isn’t like we don’t need to process self pity, and like, be with that, like, that’s just something like overwhelmed, we don’t need to process it. It’s just like this indulgent kind of emotion that just keeps our selves busy and distracted from that is another feeling that that we’re avoiding with those feelings.
So being like, I am, decide and just trying to get on, like I’ve talked about before, I have tried on like, I’m so well rested. And when I think that my experience like physically changes, and encourages me to get to bed when I need to get to bed, and to set my alarm when I need to set my alarm. And like, it doesn’t stop me from like, it doesn’t deny any feelings that I do have, but it just like, it’s like, well, this could also be equally true. And so like, just like, it could be true that you don’t feel recharged. Maybe that is just a decision that you’re making, unconsciously, so that you have an excuse not to screw up fully.
Especially because I’m finally at a point where like, everything I do for my business costs me courage, like, I have no more busy work going on. And so it’s interesting to me that this is happening at the same time, like it’s no coincidence. And it was making me think when you were talking like just like when you said you were tired, and you were like, or your eyes like, and you just got present to the sensation of your eyes, and then made the decision. I feel like, like that, the feelings to like, okay, I can get present to the sensation of the feeling and decide that I’m recharged and ready to go. Without like, putting that positivity bandaid like you said.
Sam Laura Brown
Yeah. And like when I was going for that walk, and I was like, Oh, I could actually just decide to feel recharged. I had just before that thought about like, why am I telling myself I don’t feel recharged, like how am I feeling? And then I could identify like that, like, there’s nothing there like, I’m just telling myself that I don’t feel recharged, because my brain is just defaulting to that. And it could just be redirected somewhere else. And it wasn’t like, oh, no, I actually like my body’s crying out for rest. So it was like, literally my brain. It’s just my thoughts that are creating the feeling of not being charged. There’s like not something going on with my body. Or I don’t know if that makes sense. But yeah, it’s like, before that, like, as you said, getting in touch with how you’re feeling with the sensations.
And anytime I’ve done that, it’s always been surprising to me to be like, Oh, actually, like when I really get present even like the fatigue the other day, I was like, my eyes just sting. Like, it’s, I’ve been making it this whole Oh, like maybe it’s, like takes us few seconds longer to get my brain to think about something but it when it says vague, like I’m so tired and that kind of thing. It feels like this big mountain of like emotion that it’s just like a fact that we can overcome it. And when it’s like no, my eyes just sting a little like with how we do with shame.
Like, oh, yeah, my like, cheeks are just hot and I have this feeling in my stomach. My pulse is fastly like, oh, okay, well, that’s manageable, like when we get to the feeling. And then from the feeling once we’re in that and my present to me allow it to be there like, I wasn’t trying to be like, Oh no, my eyes need to stop seeing. Like, no, I’m gonna let my eyes keep seeing till I go to bed. And once I let that be okay, it was like, okay, cool. Now I can just get out of the self pity about being tired and just enjoy the rest of my night and then go to bed and get to sleep I need.
Yeah, it’s like what I was, what I first started out with was explaining what was happening and saying the past four days, I’ve been feeling like, you know, I can’t whatever I can all these things. And now I’m like, Oh my gosh, that’s what I was doing. I was like lingering in that instead of like, sitting with it looking at it and like and deciding to move on from it.
Sam Laura Brown
So let’s talk about then how it had like, before you got on the coaching call and like before we looked at like clean rest photos or whatever. How was that feeling of like not being recharged and like, how was that feeling like physically to you if you had to describe it?
Like I was physically drowning. And just like, desperate like I was, like, desperate for the thing that was going to fix so that I could get back into like, my like balanced productivity and like feeling like myself and feeling in my body and like, able to make decisions. And like, I was so desperate for that. And then like I saw on one hand, I was like, desperate. And then on the other hand, I was like, trying to figure out like, Okay, what decision do I need to make? Or, you know, what thing do I need to do?
Sam Laura Brown
So how does that feel in your body? Like when you were saying you felt like you’re drowning? Like, is it and this is where it’s like, really interesting, because it, maybe it’s hard to explain, maybe it isn’t. But to notice how like, the word use, like I was drowning, I felt desperate. And then my guess is when we investigate, it’s gonna be like, Oh, I just had like, this flutter in my chest or like, you know what I mean? So how was that feeling physically to you?
Like, so heavy in my chest. And like, my throat, like tight to me. That’s what it felt like. But it’s interesting, because now as I’m saying, like, as I’m saying it to you now I’m like, oh, yeah, it was just like a, like tightening in my throat and heavy chest. Like, it’s not gonna go more than that. Like, it’s not gonna go further than that. Like, that just is what it is. But before you just asked me this question, I would have been like, Oh, my, it feels like 1000 pounds. Like, it feels like my throat is gonna tighten up. Like, I can’t even talk without wanting to cry, like, but it’s, it’s just interesting to me how, like the same degree of it. It hasn’t changed. But just the thought shift about it changed the way of it. And just by you saying that.
Sam Laura Brown
Yeah. And like when we saw it in a self trust module, about like, feeling your feelings and like naming them and getting present to them. And this is often the case, like almost always, that when we’re resisting an emotion, and we’re not letting it be there, and like, you kind of said, like, I want to feel like myself again, and you’re denying that it’s also you to feel like you have something heavy on your chest.
And like that, well, humans, it’s also it’s not like, we’re just feeling like ourselves, when we feel like, you know, we’re springing around the house, and everything’s so good. And we’re being productive. And that’s me, and it’s not me to be in these other feelings. It’s all on us. And but when we’re not descriptive and vague about it, then it feels like this emotion that we can’t move past and we then want to resist it because it feels like well, if I really get into that, I’m not going to be able to get out of it.
And that’s his whole thing. And I’m just like, makes me think about probably gonna get my high credit reference a bit skew but like, in Harry Potter seven there’s like, their like, lake thing that where Dumbledore goes anyway, like, this whole, like, gloomy. Like, there’s like these dead people in the lake that are like, kind of come out and grab you and like, you’ll never be able to escape. Like, it’s like, we think that if we let ourselves go there like, that’s when we have to like, I’ll go watch the modules. And I’ll go do this. Because I need to get out of this feeling. Because this feeling isn’t me this feeling isn’t safe to be in. But when we can recognize…
I feel that’s how I felt. Like, I felt like I was in that lake of just like, I didn’t feel like it was coming for me. Like I felt like I was in that lake and it was dragging me down like the indecision was dragging me down, like, all those feelings in my chest and everything, like I was being pulled down. And if I didn’t figure it out, I was gonna get sucked under. And so I was like, desperately like, what module do I need to watch? What book do I need to read? Like, what do I need to read before this could sink me under the water because my knees are already under.
Sam Laura Brown
Yeah, and it’s like an even with having this awareness. It’s not like that I’m coaching on this. So I this never happens to me even like, What day is it today? Like, two days ago, I was feeling like, I just feel like so bland, like, not great. And like, I just felt like this. I was like, I just want to feel like myself. Like all these things. Like the coach I’m giving you is like the coaching for me too. But once I was like, I’m just gonna let it be okay, like that. I’m not feeling like energetic and whatever, 100% of the time.
And I’m like, actually, this was on Sunday. I’m like, there’s still like I can either just like wallow in self pity all day. Or I can like just be with this feeling and still do the things I want to do today because my future self is going to be glad that I set myself up for the week. And I’m going to do all of that while letting it be okay that I don’t feel motivated and I don’t feel inspired and I don’t have all of these ideas and whatever. And like as soon as I let it be okay, I like had the best afternoon because I let it be okay for me not to have the best afternoon.
Wow. I feel just like so simple. But that makes so much sense. Like because that you let go of the resistance. And so then you could actually, like have a good afternoon.
Sam Laura Brown
Yeah, and it’s like, allowing it to be there without like wallowing in it and like, then going into this indulgence around it, it’s like, I’m just gonna, like, let it be there with me and be okay, and I’m gonna let myself be in this feeling for as long as I need to be in it. Like, I’m not going to feel it as a means to an end of getting out of it. Because sometimes they can do that, like, I’ll let myself have a bad like, bad day, quote, unquote, so that, like, I can get to the good one. It’s like, if we feel our feelings as a means to an end as a means to feeling better, they persist, they don’t go away. But if like, I’m willing to, like, sit in shame, or I’m willing to just like, be with this feeling of like, feeling unmotivated.
Today, I’m just gonna, like, let it be that and I’m not gonna go into self pity about it, like be on to ourselves about that, how we can want to indulge in that, but to just like, let it be there. And then from that place of allowance, decide how we want to like I could have then decided, okay, this afternoon, I’m just going to do nothing and that to the okay, but I was like, You know what, now I’m like, let me be okay, I feel this way. There are still things that I like to do. I’m going to do them.
And it was just letting it be okay, that like, I wasn’t even consciously thinking about it. But an hour later, I was like, Oh, it feels like a completely different day. Now that I’m feeling differently. So let’s wrap up this by talking about your next work week that you’re studying, like your next work day. What do you think you need to do differently? That’s super simple, and super easy. We don’t want to be in this like, now I need to do all this self coaching and whatever.
Just like, what is something that you could bring with you to your next work day, to help you be more in the energy of I’m just the person who is consistent and does a courageous things, and it could be looking with your power planning your Power Hour, I’d like if everything you’re doing is I love how you said like costing you courage that that might mean extra clean rest is called for, because the stuff you’re doing, it’s such a needle mover. And it does like anything that really does take courage is going to take like, like, it feels more unsafe for us. Like we need to then create safety and the clean rest and like safety while we’re doing the, like emotional safety while we’re doing the courageous thing. But also like our brain, knowing clean rest is coming.
So it might be like having more clean rest throughout the week and that kind of thing. But we want to be looking at like your next work days that you are approaching? How might you be able to think about them? Or like, what can you take into that? So that instead of it being like this high impact sprint? Yeah. And then you’re like, exhausted on the side of the road like, dying? Yeah. Sprint again, because I’m so behind in the race.
If we want to just be thinking about going at a steady pace, and you’re the kind of person who does that, and you take rest when appropriate. And when it’s time to run using the analogy, you do the running. And that’s fine. You’re not trying to prove to yourself that you’re running and just run. So how might you need to think about your week, or more importantly, yourself?
I’m having a really hard time with this one because I literally hopped on this call just from trying to do work. And I felt like what you just said, like I was trying to catch up like, Oh, yay, finally, I watched the modules and it helped me and now I’ve rearranged my clean rest for the week. So now I know I am gonna have clean rest. So then I sat down to work and I was like, now I have to like power through because I’m so behind.
So I’m like I don’t feel like it has any I feel like it has to do with what you’re talking about like letting about being the type of person who like I am who I am on the good days in the bad days. Like what you something about that what you said about it’s not just I am who I am when I’m like happy and feeling good. Like it is still me also if like I’m feeling whatever, like blah or like not feeling good. So but I don’t know how to make that simple. That’s where I think that’s where I’m getting stuck is like how does that simple.
Sam Laura Brown
So basically, like, from what you just said, this like proving and like hustling, like I have to, like sprint kind of energy is coming from one of the ways it’s coming from is I’m behind. Which of course you like, well, I need to catch up. And that’s gonna, like mean this extra spurt of motivation. And like, we know, like, I know everyone in PGSD has been through like that experience that it’s been when we’re in this mentality of like, I’m behind, and I need to catch up, it perpetuates behind this.
Yeah, I’ve talked before about the addiction to feeling behind. But it perpetuates that, because then we sprint, and then we’re exhausted again. And so the version of us like in this made up world where there is like this on track, or whatever. And it’s possible to, you know, be on track and not be behind. But with, like, if we were just going along at this consistent pace, that doesn’t feel glamorous, that isn’t going to feel high impact, we would be so far ahead of us who sprint. And then like, is exhausted.
And then especially with like, consistency, when we have that we have that momentum. And we’re able like with that just steady pace, we are able to stay in motion. But when we’re doing spurts of work and stopping and starting, it takes so much energy and this is what you’re in right now, it takes so much energy to like go from zero to 100 instead of just being like 50. And it doesn’t mean like our 50% is us like dialing it in and doing mediocre work but 50% when we’re like just going at that steady pace is us doing our best work.
And doing it in a really sustainable, thoughtful focus way, instead of like trying to do this huge spurt of motivation and work. And then being exhausted, and then going back to 100%. And then zero 100% Zero, it’s like just been knowing it’s safe to be at that like 50% well, you’re not feeling like you’re frantically doing shit. And you’re just like, oh, I actually feel like calm and I don’t feel overwhelmed.
And it can feel really jarring at first when we’re so used to 100 or zero to be like, Oh, I just did my workday, and I don’t feel exhausted and like, I don’t feel overwhelmed. And this is kind of weird. And I should either feel overwhelmed and burned out. Or I should feel highly motivated and like frantic and into it. And if I’m not feeling one of those two things that I’m never gonna get there. It’s like, letting it feel emotionally safe to be in. I’m just doing consistent high quality imperfect work.
Okay, then you know what?
Sam Laura Brown
What does that bring up for you?
What that brings up for me is like, that’s exactly how I felt when you asked me, what do I need to do in the next couple of days, it felt like, well, I need to swing to the other side of the pendulum because now I’ve been like, I’ve wasted these past four days. So now I need to like flip over. So now I think like in light of that and what you said of like, instead of flipping, you know, being on this consistent steady rate of flow, whatever rhythm I think that would look like maybe just like focusing on clean rest that I set out. So like I watched the modules I readjusted I realize for myself, like, guess what, the gym is clean rest for me.
And you know, and that really helps me because I was like trying to have the gym and meals and work and like well house clean rest. So like that was really helpful for me to make that clean rest. And it genuinely is clean rest. Like from watching the modules. I was like, oh, yeah, like this is clean rest. So I think maybe if I was on a steady pace instead of pendulum, I would. Yeah, I would just like focus on following through with clean rest, as I’ve set out today and think about what you said, as far as it’s true.
All of my stuff are like, costing me so much courage. So probably for next week, I need an even more clean rest, like because I really do think that’s true. Like I’ve been trying to get these things done for a couple of weeks now. And I realized like it’s because I’m not like properly preparing for the amount of courage that it’s going to be so I’m never ready so I’m always moving it. So I feel like if I can so like the steady race made for me is like instead of adding more clean rest tomorrow, it’s like focusing on just following through with the clean rest, and then for next week, like adding more. And like, Yeah, I think that’s what it looks like.
Sam Laura Brown
And how would you have to think about yourself to do that. And I also want to mention like your future self, because this relates back to self trust and trusting that your future self is going to be able to achieve the goals you want to achieve. At the pace you’ve set out. Like when we don’t trust that when we don’t trust our future self. This is something I’ve been working on a lot, is like trusting my future self to be able to get shit done even when it’s not an ideal circumstances. Like basically, as an example, when, before I had Lydia and I talked about this on the podcast, like when I was pregnant, I went into like, total over prepared, like I needed to have everything, like I needed to know everything, have everything, all the things.
And what I’ve really been realizing is that, that I didn’t trust my future self to be able to handle what it might be like to have a newborn unless I was in ideal circumstances. So I was like trying to create these ideal circumstances and have like, all the like, all the little bits and bobs we could possibly need. So if anything was challenging, I at least had this like, I had circumstantially set myself up as good as possible. And that by doing that, I was like, wasn’t instead building the self trust that I could handle whatever would come, even if I wasn’t in ideal circumstances.
And so I think when we’re like this over preparedness, and that kind of thing, it’s really like, we’re not trusting ourselves to be able to handle things without ideal circumstances. But I think as well, like in this situation, it’s thinking about, like, your relationship with your future self and self trust, and trusting that when it does come time to work, you’re going to be able to do the courageous things you need to do, and that it is going to add up. And that doesn’t entitle you like doing the courageous things doesn’t entitle you to success.
But it is going to get you that because when you do that, and you evaluate, you’re going to be able to adjust and adapt and grow until you get there. So it is worth doing those things for so many reasons. But thinking about how would you need to think about yourself? And how might you need to think about yourself that way in relation to self trust, like where might you need to trust yourself a little more, so that you can get the clean rest you need, and do the courageous things. Think out that what comes to mind to you, for you?
What’s coming to mind to me right now is like, I have built such an identity of being someone who’s a consistent person. And yet, somehow, like clean rest has escaped that. So like, what’s coming up for me is like, I can do this, like, if I am able to be consistent. If I created myself as a consistent person, then I can do this here too. So that’s coming up for me. And also what’s coming up for me is like really letting go of that.
Whatever belief, I think belief of like, the feeling associated to clean rest of like chasing the feeling that I’ve made a belief about clean rest, which essentially, is the feeling that I was chasing all last week in productivity of like really good about myself, you know, that’s probably why I felt like I was getting clean rest because it was like I’ve made in the past clean rest has been a feeling. So now I’m venturing out to like, make clean rest a commitment. And like, I can trust that I can do that. I can practice that. And I can learn that.
Sam Laura Brown
Yeah. And to trust like it to know it’s going to feel when you committed to clean rest, like the clean rest is self as you said, it’s going to feel different ways on different days. And that’s completely normal. And I love how you identified like, trusting that you can learn the skill of clean rest. And also, I think as well thinking about trusting that you can like, you’ve been talking about needing to prove to yourself that you’re this consistent person. So like your self image is way closer to being like, I am consistent, but it’s still not all the way there because once we’re all the way there we don’t need to prove to ourselves that we are. So that’s not a problem. That’s not a bad thing. But just recognizing that and then focusing on like I can trust myself to be consistent, like consistently if that makes sense.
Like I’m not just consistent for a couple of weeks, and then I pull off that I can trust myself to be able to maintain it. Even without being in a frenzy or like in this high impact, like I don’t need to be in this spurt of motivation to be able to be consistent or like I don’t know exactly like, that’s probably not the right way to word it. But that we’re thinking like, I can’t trust myself to maintain my focus and do the things I need to do. So I need to do it while I’m motivated. Because I can’t trust myself to do it when I’m unmotivated. Well I can’t trust myself to do it later on.
And when we have that thought, what happens we don’t do it later on, because we can’t trust ourselves. But if we can start like, I’m considering the possibility that I can trust myself to rest, it’s safe to rest. And that I can do the things I need to do when the time comes, regardless of how I feel like going back to talking about having a baby that I was like, I wasn’t thinking I can trust myself to figure it out in the moment and be resourceful and I was thinking like, I can’t trust myself, not consciously, but I was thinking I can’t trust myself.
So I need to have ideal circumstances. Like the same thing here that it’s like, I need to have ideal circumstances in terms of motivation because I can’t trust myself to be feeling unmotivated, and do the courageous thing, or to be feeling whatever and do the courageous thing. So I need to like capitalize on this motivation, but I can’t trust it’s gonna stay. And so I need to definitely make the most of it because it’s going to go.
It’s like, adding on to that. I think it’s also like when I have that feeling. So in that week, I have that feeling. I believe in my self like worth, so like, my identity of myself, is I believe I’m worthy. And like all those things. So it’s like, oh, well, I have to hold on to this. Because once this is gone, and I’m not doing this like my self-worth is gone also. Yeah, so that makes a lot of sense of like, I’m clinging on to that. And like, I need to learn to trust myself, that I hold on to my self-worth regardless, like regardless of if I’m like… Whatever, whatever actions are being taken, or whatever productivity or whatever’s happening, like my self-worth, needs to be, like, I need to trust myself that I can maintain that.
Sam Laura Brown
Yeah, and like, it’s safe to rest, because by thinking like, subconsciously, it’s not safe to rest, because that means I’m not gonna like I’m not being productive, and I’m not being productive, and I’m not gonna be successful, and no one’s gonna love me. I’m gonna die alone and that kind of thing. It’s fine that our brain does that. But like, we’re getting into, like, it’s safe to rest. And I can try it. Like, if you think about, you know, when they run a marathon, they don’t like sprint, and then stuck to the side of the sprint, and like, they just got this steady pace. And if they need to stop for a drink, they stop for a drink. And when they’re training, like they don’t train 24/7, like, it’s, it’s so important, like to feel that safety in the rest. And the only way to do that is to practice the rest.
But our brains have a little freakout and to just keep resting and to prove to ourselves and not from this, like inadequate kind of thing, but to like, give our brains a chance to see that the world keeps spinning. We’re still lovable, like all those things, when we are resting. And when we are going into rest with self trust, we are going to be able to find that evidence when we go into rest with like, from that mentality, I have to be productive to be worthy, then our brain freaks the fuck out.
And it’s totally normal. As I said that, when we first start resting in like the first few years of clean rest, our brain is still like, this is not safe. We need to be productive. So just giving ourselves a compassion with that is so important. That’s all we have time for today. Thank you so much for getting coached, because I know it’s gonna help everyone. So thank you so much. And we’ll be back. We… What am I trying to say? I will talk to you on the next call. Bye.
So that was the coaching call with Jenna. I hope you found it incredibly helpful. And the final part in this claim rest series is going to be the next episode, where I am going to be sharing what I get up to personally when I’m taking clean rest and how am I clean press… What am I saying? How my clean rest practice has evolved over the years just to help give you some ideas and really help you see what this can look like.
This is going to be my personal experience with it. But I really hope that you find it helpful and inspiring. And so yeah, that is going to be the fifth and final part in this series. And again, I just I want to invite you into PGSD. If you can relate to what I talk about on this podcast, that is where you belong, that is where you’re going to get the help and support and community and encouragement and safety to really practice everything that I talked about here on the podcast.
So you can go to samlaurabrown.com/pgsd, to find out more about the program to join the waitlist and to sign up when the doors open. So the doors do open at 6am, New York time on the 27th of July and close at 11:59pm, New York time on the second of August, I would love to see you in there I would love to work with you as your coach. And to really help you to get out of your own way in your business and show up fully and do all the things you know you need to do.
And it’s never too late to start planning properly. And I just want to mention that at the time this episode is going out it is the middle of the year. And we perfectionist can think that ship that you know that 2022 ship has sailed and it has not. It definitely has not, it’s never too late to learn how to start planning properly. And the sooner you learn it, the sooner you will be getting out of your own way.
And this is such a perfect time to really commit to doing this work because you are going to be able to go into next year. Really like having done already your first three months with power planning, you’re going to have all the tools and really have a such a great degree of mastery over them, you’ll still be learning them. But you will have made so much progress between now and the end of the year that you are going to be walking into 2023 feeling.
So trusting of yourself, you are going to be able to trust yourself to follow through, you’re going to feel confident setting your goal for 2023 knowing that you are the kind of person who achieves their goals and who does what they said they will do and who is willing to be uncomfortable and to do the scary things and to do the tedious things and to let it be fun and to let it be easy. And that like it’s kind of that idea of you know, like some our bodies are made in the winter like that kind of and I mean, for me, it technically is winter now might not be for you. But to just know that it is such a perfect time to really commit to learning how to plan properly your follow through problems or just planning problems.
And anyone can learn how to plan properly as a perfectionist. So I want to invite you in, I want to have you joining us inside PGSD. So you can spend the remainder of this year being in the practice of power planning and clean rest and you can set your growth goal and all of those things and then you can really walk into next year with the support of PGSD to once you’re in.
So with the support next year as well. You can really hit the ground running and go into the new year not just with this hope of I hope this year will be different but with this knowing and this certainty that this will be your year and that gets created now in advance. You don’t want to wait until January to try to create that for yourself. So anyway, samlaurabrown.com/pgsd. Just in case you need that again, it’s in the show notes for you and I will talk to you in the next episode.