Episode 375: 3 New Year Myths That Will Stop You From Getting A Fresh Start

I love that New Year’s fresh start feeling as much as the next perfectionist BUT we all know that January motivation doesn’t last forever. And part of the reason that happens is because of a few common new year myths that we perfectionists can’t help but buy into.

If you want 2023 to be the year that you get out of your own way this is the episode for you. Tune into this episode to learn about 3 new myths that will stop you from getting a fresh start and how to avoid making them.

Find the full episode transcript and show notes at samlaurabrown.com/episode375.

In This Episode You’ll Learn:

  • Exactly why perfectionists love the new year so much
  • How to capitalise on the new year without going into all-or-nothing thinking
  • The real reason you can’t rely on motivation and what to focus on instead
  • What to focus on in the first month of the year so your ENTIRE year is productive
  • How to create a goal that motivates you for the full year (and isn’t one you just forget)

Featured In The Episode:

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Hi, and welcome to another episode of The Perfectionism Project. A podcast full of perfectionism advice for entrepreneurs. My name is Sam Laura Brown, I help entrepreneurs release their perfectionism handbrake, so they can get out of their own way and build a fulfilling and profitable business. I’m the founder of the perfectionist getting shit done group coaching program, which is otherwise known as PGSD. And for even more perfectionism advice to help you with your business, you can follow me on Instagram @perfectionismproject.

Sam Laura Brown

The new year is nearly here. So I wanted to talk about a few myths that will stop you from getting the fresh start that you are hoping for. I love the new year, I love January 1, I love that feeling of having a clean slate a fresh color things.

But at the same time, it’s really important to be aware of your perfectionist mindset around the New Year, particularly the all or nothing side of it, because it can really be a thing that drives us at that time of year. And it doesn’t feel like a problem, because we’re on that all side of the all or nothing mindset. But what tends to happen is that we have a really productive and inspiring January or at least first couple of weeks of January, and then from February to December, things just aren’t going the way that we hoped they would.

And if you have been in that cycle, year after year after year, where you are really waiting until January like the second half of the year, you kind of just coasting and away waiting until January in the clean slate. And then January comes and you just try to be super motivated and try to change a lot of things at once and do things in a new way and all of that kind of thing.

And then it just it isn’t sustainable for you. If you have been in that cycle for at least a few years now maybe your entire adult life, then I just want to talk about a few reasons why that might be the case, just so you’re aware of them going into the new year. And you can really go into the New Year feeling strong and grounded. And knowing that your perfectionist finds that your perfectionist brain is going to want to do all the things. And to see that but to not act on it and to instead just take a much more considered intentional approach.

That might not feel as satisfying in the moment. But it will be satisfying in the long time. And that really is what’s so important. Because you are building a business, what you in the first few weeks of January, doesn’t really matter if you don’t really do much else, the remainder of the year, and you’ll probably be walking the entire year.

But if you are just really hitting it hard in January and doing a lot and then the rest of the year, you’re just doing busy work or you’re just in your own way, then it’s not really going to get that fresh start isn’t really going to be a thing in actuality. So let’s talk through some myths. And I just wanted to say as well, like I have totally been that I’ve had to really be on to myself with this when it comes to the New Year. Thinking back on this was one year in particular 2018.

So it’s all documented on the podcast, when I was going through this, that I really was just wanting to have the best start to the year and I had the most productive January that I have ever had. Oh I had ever had till that point. There was no procrastination. I just felt like a new me and I was working on a course that I was launching at that time. And then I think it was at the end of January or like mid Feb, that I did the course launch and it didn’t go to plan. I didn’t hit the goal that I had in mind. And then I was just completely in a pit of despair. I basically did nothing.

For six weeks, I was just tried to regather myself. And when I say did nothing, I was still tinkering away things and working and whatever. But I wasn’t moving anything forward. Because I just I just couldn’t get myself to keep going with the things that really mattered. And it was because I didn’t set myself up with a foundation in January when I was doing things. I just relied on motivation. And it disappeared as soon as things didn’t go to plan. There’s always gonna be things that don’t go to plan. And that year it was still ended up being an OK year. But I can really see in hindsight how the way that I approached things in January particularly had such a big impact.

So I just want to talk through three myths that will stop you from getting a fresh start. And what I would recommend focusing on I also want to mention the power planning course is coming on the second of January.

So I will be sharing the details and everything about that soon. And so I’m just really excited for that in case you missed the announcement. It’s a self study course all about planning properly as a perfectionist you same power planning, I have been getting asked about it for so long if we can have something besides PGSD, that will teach power planning, and it’s coming on the second of January. So stay tuned for that.

So the first myth is that to get a fresh start, you need to change every area of your life. And I feel like there are two kind of underlying premises here.

The first is that only the year that starts perfectly, can end perfectly. Like we have this mindset, this all or nothing mindset that really has us thinking like how things begin is an indication of how good they can end.

So to speak, like we need to have our ducks in a row, we need to get this perfect start. And obviously, this manifests a lot of times in us over preparing for things, changing a lot of things at once that don’t need to be changed, like getting our ducks in a row waiting for the perfect time, all of that kind of behavior, because we want the start to be perfect, so that the end can be perfect. And it’s really this idea that like, once we get started, it’s going to be as good as it gets.

And it can’t be improved, which is really that perfectionist fixed mindset way of thinking rather than the growth mindset, we really see the beginning as just a starting point. And that it will end can be improved upon with time. And that’s why when we’re growth minded about something, we don’t have to do all this over preparing and waiting for the perfect time.

And we don’t feel a lot of pressure on getting things right right away, and all of that kind of thing. And so just know that this mindset might be going on for you, in January, that you feel a lot of pressure around January, might not really feel that way, because you’re really excited about it. But there’s this pressure that you just need to do all the things.

There’s also this underlying premise with this when you’re wanting to change every area of your life at once, that I wasn’t doing anything right before, it’s kind of coming from this place of inadequacy that nothing worked in the year before. And this is why it’s so important to do a like basically the weekly review the quarterly review the annual review, they talk about in PGSD.

And when your power planning that our perfectionist brains, like just love to ignore all the stuff that’s going really well. And all the things that are working, that we could be doubling down on. And they just focus on the things that aren’t working, and the things that need to change.

And it leads to us stopping a lot of things that were really serving us, or just focusing on our weaknesses, so to speak, rather than actually playing to our strengths. So this is all that all or nothing mindset. And it leads us to drastic changes, and trying to start a lot of new behaviors at once.

So it might look like for example that you are trying to get motivated with your business. Maybe there are some new purchases involved of like stationery or things like that to really help you. But particularly, it would be looking at maybe changing the way that you are marketing things or like just trying to do things in a new way, because you’re convinced the way you did it last year was the wrong way when that actually wasn’t the problem.

And I’ll talk about that in a second. But then also at the same time, you might be trying to completely overhaul your health and your fitness, maybe your finances, your relationships, maybe you want to do up your home, like we just we want to do everything fresh all at once like this complete life makeover. And as nice as that sounds as good as it looks in the movies when they have those little montage scenes. And there’s that full makeover that it isn’t actually sustainable.

And it’s not really what we want. But we’re doing it to try and compensate for the lack of self trust that we have. And that like not having a strong relationship with ourselves and being growth minded that we can really be willing to start January just focusing on one thing, knowing that how we do one thing is how we do everything, and then trusting that that will trickle over and pour over into every other area of our life because we don’t trust that and we don’t trust how will show up in the remainder of the year.

We’re just trying to do all of the things in January. And there’s also the whole self image piece that comes along with this is that when we have this pressure on ourselves to be different than we were before ie the prior year and over years, it came before that if we’re not doing the work on our self image to really see it as normal that where this new person that we are acting as, then it’s not going to be sustainable in the sense that our brain like we always act in accordance with who we believe we are.

That’s the principle of identity, self image, self concept, whatever you want to call it, is that as human beings, we love being consistent with the idea that we have about ourselves. And so if you don’t believe, for example, as they call them fitness, if you don’t believe that you’re someone who works out consistently, no matter how motivated you are in January, once that motivation wears off, you will always get what your identity is.

And so if your identity is that you are someone who doesn’t like the gym, for example, then you are not going to go to the gym, you will be pulled towards not going. And that will, it will feel disappointed, and all that kind of thing. But you won’t really be surprised, like that’s a good, a good sign that your identity isn’t where it needs to be is that if you stop doing something you want to do that you’re not surprised, like, Well, I knew this would happen.

This happened last year, I knew it wasn’t sustainable, or whatever. And it’s religious because the self image isn’t a match. So you have to do that work as well, to upgrade your self image. So in that example, to start seeing yourself as someone who goes to the gym consistently, someone who likes a gym, let’s say if you’re working out by going to the gym, and you will be pulled towards continuing to go so that when your motivation wears off, you will still be showing up, even though you don’t feel like it because you have that identity of this is something that I do, this is who I am. And so that work is a really important piece of creating change.

And it’s often missed, when we are just focused on the new year and the motivation that comes with that. And the only reason we’re feeling motivated is not like something magical happens. Or it can kind of feel that way. It’s because we change the way that we’re thinking about the things that we’re doing and the way that we’re thinking about ourselves. And it’s also there’s kind of like, we haven’t had any failure yet. There haven’t been any setbacks. And so it really feels like so much as possible.

And there’s so much hope and optimism for what is possible. And it’s just because it’s a way that we are thinking about the year it’s not because of January, even though it really feels like that is the case. So it’s just something to be aware of, it’s just that our thoughts have changed. It’s the same way where nothing magical happens at the last minute, like if you’re someone who leaves things until the last minute, and you just do busy work in the lead up to something being to you.

And then you’re like, Okay, should I actually need to do the thing I need to do, then it’s not that there’s anything that happens at that point, it’s just at the last minute you change your thinking from this is optional, like I don’t have to get this done right away to I need to get this done, no matter what it’s also at that last minute that we just take the pressure off for things to be perfect. So in the lead up to it being done, when you had more time, we have this sort of like, five a lot of time to do something than it needs to be perfect. And if we don’t have a lot of time to do something, we have this sort of It’s okay, if it’s not perfect. So the only thing that happens at the last minute is our thoughts about it change. It’s not actually anything to do with the last minute itself.

So it’s just really powerful to notice that it’s your brain, creating these feelings, this feeling of motivation. And it’s not the circumstances itself. So you don’t have to keep waiting for January, so to speak, or the last minute, or anything like that. But to notice like, is it actually helpful when our brain is so motivated, that we haven’t yet had any failure or setback?

Or do we instead want to create a growth mindset, so that failures and setbacks and obstacles aren’t even a problem at all, they aren’t something that deters us, they aren’t something that takes us out of who we want to be. And so that’s what I really recommend focusing on in January, is just building a solid foundation for your year, and focusing on one area of your life rather than trying to do all the things like trusting that over the course of the year, if you did want to experience change in all areas of your life, that can be done.

But coming back to this principle, it’s not one I created, but this idea of how you do one thing is how you do everything. So how brains work and the thoughts we have about one area of our life tend to be pretty well replicated in the other areas as well the thought patterns that we’re having, so to just focus on it, for example, your business and to really be able to take things more slowly and intentionally so to speak, rather than just trying to like redo everything at once. And to really use for example power planning to get your perfectionism mindset on your side so that you can get into a growth mindset.

And so that the remainder of the year can be so consistent and sustainable and solid for you, when it comes to showing up and doing the things that matter. Like actually just saying, Okay, I’m going to do this, I’m going to learn this, if you don’t already know it, and I’m going to really be focused just on practicing this and using it to build my business. And knowing that the more that I do this, the better my health and fitness will get as well. My finances, like every area of your life, it’s like the the one we’re trying to think of the quickest way to change your life is to change it slowly, even though it’s not actually so like, for example, with power planning, it doesn’t take long to learn at all. And with the power planning course, you’re going to be able to just sit down in an afternoon, what everything in the course and get started right away, like it’s going to be super quick. But to our perfectionist brain wants to just change everything at once.

It is going to feel less satisfying in a way than if you were to have this like long to do list of like all these new habits you want to start and all the things you want to start doing and stop doing all of that, that I know that we love to write this like list of good intentions and hopes and dreams, but to instead to just actually decide, I’m going to be building my business like this is the year for that at least January, this is what I’m going to be focusing on at the beginning of the year, trusting that the benefits will flow over to other areas and that you don’t need to change everything at once. And that it wasn’t that you were doing things wrong before like that everything was wrong the year before.

Now you need to do it right to just actually really take that time, especially like the end of the year is a great time to reflect on it. And in PGSD very soon. By the way, this week, we’re doing a year in review call. So if you’re a PGSDer, make sure you attend that call, or catch the replay. But be there live if you can, because we’re going to go through this to have you really pinpoint what’s working so that you can double down on it. And you’re not just dismissing all the progress you made because you have been making progress.

The second myth is that you should set realistic goals. So you don’t disappoint yourself. If you have been listening to this podcast for a while, you know that I take issue with advice like this, particularly when it comes to the disappointment side, the underlying assumption here is that disappointment or their disappointment is out of our control. Like we have to set our goals in a certain way. So that we avoid feeling disappointment. And the underlying assumption with that is that disappointment is to be avoided at all cost is something that we should never experience. It’s a really painful emotion. And we just don’t want to disappoint ourselves. And I get it, it’s not fun, disappointing yourself. But at the same time when we have this idea of like it’s better to aim low, because that way you’ll feel better about yourself, that has a serious impact on your relationship with yourself. And so it’s really interesting, like I’ve just been talking about the all or nothing mindset and how we have all these hopes and dreams and aspirations. But then what we tend to do is even though we want to change every area of our life at once, when it comes to actually setting the goals around that. Because we don’t want to disappoint ourselves. And especially if you have a track record of falling off the wagon with things and being really motivated. And then not being able to trust that motivation because it often ends in you just giving up on things or changing your mind all of that. Then we have these goals, hopes, dreams, etc. But we are really vague without goals around it.
It’s like things like for example, when it comes to health that it would be like
just things like I know I want to go to the gym more often. Or even if it’s like five times a week, it’s just like, it’s not actually a full goal that you can actually strive towards. And I’m a huge fan of having effort based goals as well within your goal setting toolkit so to speak. But when we just have these, like, I want to go to the gym five times a week, I don’t want to eat any junk food, I want to drink two liters of water a day I want to did it like isn’t actually setting a goal in a way that’s really going to serve us. And so we do that to avoid disappointing ourselves that we just have these like this wish list of things we want to do because we’re scared to actually set a specific, clear, measurable goal that we might not achieve because of the disappointment and therefore shame that that might bring about. But I’ve done an episode on this in the past actually, quite a while ago now I think about disappointment and how not to disappoint yourself but something that I spoke about in that episode is that if we keep thinking that disappointment is such
Big problem, then we go so far out of our way to avoid disappointment. And we end up disappointing ourselves. Because we’re not giving ourselves the opportunity to grow as a person to experience new things like that requires opening yourself up to disappointment and recognizing that failure doesn’t have to automatically equal disappointment. But when we’re in this mindset, we just think like, we just kind of construct our whole lives to avoid it. And it ends up being disappointing, because you’re not experiencing growth, because you’re not evolving, because you are the kind of person who really wants to be experienced, like you want to get to the end of the year, and feel like you’re a different person to the beginning. But that doesn’t happen from the approach of I don’t want to disappoint myself, you have to be willing to open yourself up to disappointment. And in doing so I think the easiest way to do that, or the simplest way, not necessarily the easiest, the simplest way is to really recognize it, if you allowed yourself to feel disappointed that you experienced that in your body, that it’s not actually so bad. That feeling of resisting disappointment is much more uncomfortable than just actually feeling clean disappointment. So being willing to open yourself up to that. And also just thinking about the impact this has on your relationship with yourself, when you are not making promises to yourself, because you don’t want to disappoint yourself. It doesn’t help you build self trust, it doesn’t help you to be able to rely on yourself, it doesn’t help you to be able to blow your own mind and see what’s possible. If you aren’t willing to make any clear promises to yourself, ones that you’re fully committed to then not just a wish list, it really is just perpetuating that lack of self trust. And so what we do well, manpower planning and planning properly, the first part of that is setting a growth goal. And so this will be covered in the power planning course in one of the modules, that you will set your growth goal, which is a 12 month revenue goal for your business that is set above what you currently believe is possible. It’s not impossible that you achieve this goal by any stretch that will show me people who are living that reality. And it’s something that you’ll be able to do too. But present day you isn’t yet the version of you that can achieve that goal. So your brain thinks it’s unrealistic, even though it is actually literally realistic, like it can and will and does already exist in reality. And it’s just your self image. And the way that you’re approaching things means it’s not currently possible for you to get there, but with some simple changes that it would be. So we set that growth goal that’s just above what we believe is possible for ourselves. And then use power planning to get into the growth mindset. So that we’re able to pursue that growth goal all the way there and you’re able to get to the end of the year, feeling like a different person, in the best way feeling like you’re so proud of yourself, you’re able to, to really feel like it wasn’t just a year where you’re just trying to do the same thing as before, but feeling more motivated or trying to feel more motivated, and spending your whole year trying to get yourself there. But you were actually able to grow and evolve and overcome things that you didn’t think you could, it’s really a different way to approach things. It’s not just a normal goal, but bigger when it comes to the growth goal. But part of it is about this idea of disappointing yourself. Like when we have that growth goal, we are opening ourselves up to failure and disappointment. Knowing that that’s okay, that that’s not a problem that if we are just trying to spend the whole year avoiding disappointment, it’s going to be a very disappointing year. Because we want to go we want to experience aid.

And the third myth I want to talk about is this idea. Like if I can just stay motivated enough I’ll have the perfect year is this new year new me mentality. It’s very focused on keeping motivation levels high. And really just as I said, already, I’ve talked about this, but trying to change everything at once. But it really been this idea that lack of motivation is the problem. And if I can just stay motivated, everything will be fixed. And I used to for sure think that I had a motivation problem. And it was actually my perfectionism and right that was the problem, not the motivation, but it manifested as me not being able to do things consistently sustainably, like stopping and starting working in spurts of motivation. And doing busy work like focusing on the least important tasks or the less important tasks because it felt so vulnerable to actually do the things that really mattered because what if I did have them like subconsciously thinking, what if I did them and I give them my best and they don’t actually work?

And then that’s gonna be so embarrassing. So I’m just going to do these other things instead. So that if things don’t work out, I can at least say, Well, yeah, they would have worked out though if I’d actually focus on the things that matter. So I really used to just think I had this motivation problem. And because I was focused on it being a motivation problem, I was ignoring the underlying issues. Such I didn’t really want to call it issues, but I was ignoring the perfectionism side of things, and staying busy trying to stay motivated all the time, and really getting down on myself when I didn’t feel motivated, because that meant, well, now I can’t do anything, because I need to get my motivation back, and trying to capitalize all the time on my motivation.

And again, it’s really just working in these spots, like the stops and starts, a lot of burnout comes along with that as well. And it also causes us like, I think the biggest thing with this, when it comes to the new year, is it causes us to just do things the same way that we tried them before. But with more motivation, rather than actually looking at doing them in a different way. So I talked about, it’s very important to look at what’s working and doubling down on that.

But it’s also really important to not just keep trying the same way, again, and again and again, and just saying, Well, I just need to be more motivated, I just need to have more discipline, I just need to have more willpower. Because it might not be that it probably couldn’t relate to what I talk about on this broadcast. It’s probably not that. And so it means that if you’re not planning properly as a perfectionist, and you have your perfectionist mindset working against you, but you’re like, Well, I can just still take this approach, but I’m going to be more motivated. It’s going to be an uphill battle.

And so for example, if you can want to reflect on this, if you think about how you started January, say in 2020 to 2021 2020 2019, like going back, did you set pretty similar goals for yourself? Did it look pretty, pretty much the same how you approached what you wanted to do, and you were just like, okay, but I’m motivated now. So I should be able to do it, then that is hopefully, this is probably something that you really need to look at.

And to just know that, like when we are only able to show up when motivated. Basically what that means is, we’re only able to show up when things are visibly working. Like when there’s so much evidence that things are working that it’s super easy for us to have that thought it often means we then as I said, working inspires but we have one productive week, three weeks of busy work one productive week, as we’re doing the things that matter. Three weeks of busy work. And if you put a lot of effort into something, for example, a launch a promotion, a campaign, whatever that looks like for your business, and it doesn’t go to plan, then you just fall off and spend so much time like I talked about at the beginning of this episode in this kind of shame spiral, this pit of despair. And this is just happening because you’re not planning in a way that’s getting your perfectionist mindset on your side. So it’s making it really challenging to be growth minded around setbacks.

And it means as well that when there is one or when something doesn’t work out, when you have a temporary failure that you’re making, it means something about you. And so that feels very painful. And it makes you want to stop or it makes you want to focus on things that are less important. Because it feels so vulnerable to keep going with the things that are actually going to make a difference. Because what if they fail as well as even more evidence that you’re not good enough that you’re not worthy of being loved? And all those kinds of things? So no with this, that again, if you’ve liked what I talk about on this podcast, you’re probably already thinking about your perfectionist mindset, which is great. Again, there’s, I mean, not again, I say again, because this podcast, but there’s nothing wrong.

With being a perfectionist with having that mindset. We just need to learn how to get it on our side. And oftentimes like a motivation problem, a willpower problem, like so much of that is really just a planning problem. You’re just not planning properly. As a perfectionist, you’re not planning in a way that gets your perfectionist mindset on your side. And that is making you get in your own way to the five signs that your perfectionism handbrake is on it could be one of these signs it could be all of them is overthinking procrastination burnout, all or nothing thinking and fear of judgment. And so if those are things you can relate to, to know that focusing on your perfectionism, itself, rather than on trying to stay motivated, is going to be such a better long term strategy.

And it’s really just about instead of like, Oh, now I have this mountain of work to do on my perfectionism of like, actually, you just need to learn how to plan in a way, that doesn’t trigger your perfectionist mindset into that all or nothing thinking into that fear of judgment into procrastination into burnout into overthinking, that’s what power planning is.

And when you are planning, you don’t need to rely on motivation. And because you will have more resilience, more self trust, etc, you’re not going to be thrown off for long when something works, or sorry, when something doesn’t work, you will be able to get yourself back up on the horse, pick yourself back up, and keep going in a really brave and courageous way, it won’t be this big issue, then there’s less pressure on January having to be perfect, because you know, that if something were to happen, you have the relationship with yourself, and you have the mindset that you can just dust yourself off, pick yourself back up, and keep going and still get to where you want to go.

So those are three myths I really wanted to chat about with you in this episode, that you need to change every area of your life at once. You should set realistic goals so you don’t disappoint yourself. And that if I can just stay motivated enough, I’ll have the perfect year, that new year new me mentality. And there’s nothing wrong with the new year. I love the new year. I love that feeling that my brain produces, I get to the new year. But if you are approaching it thinking like I need to just start everything fresh, like do everything in a completely new way change every area of my life at once you have this long list of like vague habits that you want to start, or you find yourself starting things over that don’t even need to be restarted, this will be really hard to notice when it’s you in it because it will feel so justified.

But we love doing this, if something is so close to working, but it’s not quite there instead of iterating on it. And just making a little tweak and trying again, we love to just scrap it completely and try something completely new. Because again, it creates that hope that optimism that we will be able to do it perfectly, there are going to be no blemishes on our record. And because we don’t have that relationship with ourselves, we can trust ourselves in failure and setbacks and disappointment and all of that kind of thing, that it just feels so much more appealing to have this option. And you potentially don’t have to feel any of that. Because we haven’t even started yet.

So things might go perfectly. So I hope this has been helpful in his media a bit more aware of some of the things that could be going on with your brain in January. And as I mentioned, the power planning course is coming out on the second of January, that’s when it is launching. So stay tuned for more details about that. And I’m just so excited to get it into your hands. And there are so many people who have emailed us, or DMs and all of that to say that they can’t wait for it to open and they’ve been waiting for it, which is why we created it.

So yeah, stay tuned for that it’s really going to be able to help you build a solid foundation for not just next year. But year after year after year, you only need to learn it once you get the benefits for a lifetime. And it’s like it’s how I do everything that I do is with the help of power planning. And it’s how I’ve been able to get out of this all or nothing mindset when it comes to the New Year. And yes, I’m still excited about it. And yes, I still love having a productive January.

But I’m also I have a much more considered intentional, consistent, sustainable approach so that I’m as productive in February to December, if not more than I am in January that I don’t experiences like big peak and then this massive trough for the rest of the year. It’s just about having that steady, sustainable, consistent showing up and not having to rely on motivation, it not been a problem if motivation isn’t there. Or once it disappears that like it means I’m still able to get shit done and do the things I need to do. And so I want to invite you into that reality into having that experience. It is possible. I know because I’ve been able to change myself and I’ve seen hundreds of PGSD do it as well with the help of how planning that so yeah, definitely keep an eye out for that.

I hope you are having a beautiful day and I’ll talk to you in the next episode.

Author: Sam Brown