In this episode I want to talk to you about why it’s ok to say no to a business opportunity (especially when you’ve already said yes). Saying no can feel awkward for perfectionist business owners – we often think we need to follow through with an opportunity that isn’t a good fit because we already said yes.
But there are times when an opportunity isn’t right for you and your stage of business. When that happens, your growth will come from clearly saying no.
And you can do it without being rude and without drama.
Tune in to learn how to discern if a business opportunity is a good fit for you and practical advice on saying no without being rude. I also share helpful examples of times I’ve said no after saying yes in my business (and why I made that decision).
In This Episode You’ll Learn:
- Why it’s ok to say no to an opportunity or request after you’ve already said yes
- How to say no without being rude
- How to discern whether your growth is saying no or continuing to be a yes
- Times in my business where I’ve said no after saying yes and why I did it
PGSD is opening to new students on 26 October 2022:
The PGSD Process will have you getting out of your own way in your business and planning properly as a perfectionist. The doors to Perfectionists Getting Shit Done will be opening at 6am New York time on 26 October and closing at 11:59pm New York time on 1 November 2022. To find out more about the program and be the first to know when the doors open, join the waitlist here: samlaurabrown.com/pgsd.
Featured In The Episode:
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- Sign up for daily Perfectionist Power-Ups – samlaurabrown.com/power
- Follow me on Instagram @perfectionismproject
Listen To The Episode
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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Hi, and welcome to another episode of The Perfectionism Project. A podcast full of perfectionism advice for entrepreneurs. My name is Sam Laura Brown, I help entrepreneurs release their perfectionism handbrake, so they can get out of their own way and build a fulfilling and profitable business. I’m the founder of the perfectionist getting shit done group coaching program, which is otherwise known as PGSD. And for even more perfectionism advice to help you with your business, you can follow me on Instagram @perfectionismproject.
Before we get into today’s episode, I want to make sure you know that the doors to perfectionist getting shit done. My coaching program for perfectionist entrepreneurs is now open for enrollment. So the doors opened at 6am, New York time on the 27th of July and are open for one week only closing at 6am New York time on the second of August. So if you resonate with what I talk about on this podcast, if you are a perfectionist entrepreneur, maybe you are an artist, a writer, a graphic designer, a stylist, an e commerce store owner, maybe you’re a coach like me, maybe you are trying to think who else we have inside PGSD, maybe you’re a dancer, a performer, maybe you’re a real estate agent, if you can relate to what I talk about on this podcast.
And you really want to actually apply all of these concepts in your life, in your business. And you’re really ready to get out of your own way to make that three month commitment to power planning and to really begin showing up fully for yourself and for your business. I want to invite you in so samlaurabrown.com/pgsd is where you can find out more about the program. And it’s also where you can sign up. So I want to invite you to go there to join us for this enrollment period of perfectionist getting shit done.
And I would love to coach you. And also I wanted to mention that we are strict with the deadline to sign up for PGSD. Every time we open the doors, we get people emailing us. Classic perfectionist behavior, so we expect it but people who were like I was waiting to the last minute and then I just forgot or I missed out for some reason something happened in their life and they didn’t sign up. And we then in that case would have you wait until the next enrollment period. So if you know that PGSD is the next step for you in your business, then I want to invite you to go and sign up today. So again, samlaurabrown.com/pgsd is where you can sign up for perfectionist getting shit done.
In this episode, I want to talk about when it is okay to say no, even after you’ve already said, yes, so I was giving a PGSDer some coaching on this. And I think it’s going to be really helpful for you to hear about it as well, if you’re not already in PGSD, and you haven’t listened to that coaching, but even if you have, I think that hearing this shared again, will be so beneficial, because there are many times that we will say yes. And then actually, no, was the answer that we needed to give. And we just didn’t in that moment, give it. And so we need to then communicate that actually to know, or maybe there’s some new information that comes up, and it’s no longer a good fit. So in this particular example, we were talking about a brand deal for sponsoring a YouTube video.
But there are so many ways that this comes up, that something will initially be a great fit. And once more information is provided. It’s no longer a good fit, or maybe something changes in your life circumstances or your business goals or your business model, or anything else. And it no longer makes sense. And sometimes we can think, Okay, well, I’ve said yes, I have to really stay true to my word and honor that commitment, or I have to follow through, like I’m working on follow through.
So you should follow through with everything. And sometimes that’s actually not in your best interests. And it’s not in the best interest of your business, your customers and clients. It’s not in their best interest either. So I think that this is a great topic to be talking about. And for you to have some awareness around first of all, that it’s okay to say no, after you’ve said yes. Second of all, that being direct about that, rather than being vague, is actually the politest way to do it.
We offer well, we’re saying no, it can just we tell ourselves that you have to give all these reasons and excuses and not really share what’s actually going on. It’s that whole people pleasing, fear of judgment side of perfectionism. So I just wanted to have a chat with you in this episode about all of that, creating standards and some rules for yourself and how to handle those situations, how to identify those situations, and really, as well sharing a few of my experiences that I’ve had when it has come to this so that you can really give yourself some permission to say no, even after you’ve said yes. And there’s nuance to this.
So sometimes you might want to say no, after you’ve said yes, and actually your growth is to follow through with that. But there are other times where your growth is to not follow through and to tell that person or that business or whatever it is no. And to say that clearly. And to say that directly, I did not say okay, well, maybe at another time in the future or whatever to just be like, No, it’s not for me, it’s not a good fit. Thank you, wishing you all the best. And that being that. So let’s talk about some specific examples.
So I want to share that with this PGSDer that I was coaching, that she was saying that for her YouTube channel, she had said yes to a number of different sponsored videos, brand deals and that kind of thing that there was one that really felt like it was a great fit for her. And there were others that didn’t. And she actually presented to get coach by trying to wanting help with getting unstuck around following through with those commitments that she was feeling a lot of resistance to it, and wasn’t sure why.
And so when we dug into it, and when I say dug, it was beneath the surface, it was very obvious as an outsider what was going on, and as a coach, what was going on, but that there was this resistance in this situation, because it wasn’t a good fit for her business, her business model. And that she had really said yes, because earlier in her business journey. It was so exciting to be offered sponsorships and to be getting paid for something that felt like that I love this so much. I should never even be getting paid for it. So it just felt like a privilege and there was gratitude around that.
And her business has grown so much but her self image was still in she’s not really a full business owner and it’s just in that place of like it’s a hobby that I get paid to do so I should be grateful for anything and had said yes to things that didn’t really make sense at the stage of business that she was in. And an analogy that I shared with her that I had heard from Neil Gaiman was that if you think about, you know where you’re going, in terms of your business, I think in this example, he was talking about career stuff is the same thing, that where you are, you’re always trying to get closer to that mountain.
And when you’re very far away from the mountain, there will be a lot of things that you can do to get yourself closer to the mountain. So in this example, that earlier in her journey, that saying yes to a brand deal, or a sponsor video was actually helping her to get closer to that. Whereas now and she’s further along, and she’s making money in other ways, making a lot more money in other ways, that that actually isn’t a step closer to the mountain for her.
That’s not to say that someone who has a different business and a different business model and different goals and different everything, or just a few things different that that wouldn’t be a good fit for them. So it’s really important with this, this isn’t saying anything about brand deals and sponsored videos, and whether you should or shouldn’t do them. That is not the message here at all, I’m just sharing the specifics, to illustrate this point, to really about what is for you going to get you closer to that mountain.
And if you have said yes to something that isn’t getting you closer from an old self image, or it is something that will get you closer to your mountain. But it isn’t in alignment with how you want to get that it isn’t in alignment with your values that you have, as a person as a business. It’s so important without growth goals, were not just making money at any cost. It is an even this is especially the case in this example, it was like yeah, but I do like those brands, and like they’re not horrible or anything.
This is especially the case, when it’s not something that’s really like, not a good fit whatsoever. But when it’s like a lukewarm fit, that yeah I could kind of do that. And I see other people doing it. So maybe I should do it too. And all of that, that. It’s actually like no, what is it a hell yes, that’s getting me closer to that mountain and, and being in the sufficiency and abundance, to say no to the things that aren’t going to get us closer in the way that we want to get that because we are not pursuing our growth goal.
And getting there at any cost. It’s really about doing that in a way that’s in alignment with our values. And in this example, that she was taught like thinking what I hope they cancel, I hope that I can just get, you know get an email from them. And they’ll say actually, it’s no longer a good fit for us. And anytime you are hoping that someone will cancel, really it is your growth. A lot of times there’s nuance to this, and this is where coaching comes in. But there is nuance that a lot of times though, it will be that your growth is to communicate the no.
And to do that not in a vague way. And to know that doing it in a direct way, is actually the most polite. And that doesn’t mean that you need to share every thought that you have about it or whatever. But just being to the point and saying this isn’t a good fit for me. Not making some kind of excuse, oh, sorry, I’m so busy with other things. No, you’re not so busy with other things. And it’s very important not to blame. This is just generally speaking, if you blame busyness, and you have that as you’re out for when you don’t want to do something, then you are really setting yourself up.
So that when you are and this is creating the subconscious reason to be overwhelmed and busy is that if you’re blaming busyness, or like using it as an excuse for when you don’t want to do something, then you’re going to subconsciously keep yourself busy so that you don’t have to do certain things, instead of the growth being learning how to say no, and having your own back in that. And then using power planning and planning properly, to just be on top of your shit. And to not keep yourself apart from the life you want by telling yourself a story that you’ve got all these loose ends. And I recently did a podcast episode about that.
So if you can relate to that, go and listen to that episode. But knowing that we can really just be entrepreneurs, business owners, like I was saying to her, you’re talking about all of this, like it is just a hobby. And if you had hired a manager to manage your brand deals, and they said ah you know, this isn’t really good fair, but I don’t want them to get mad at me. You would fire that manager because you know Oh, that isn’t a sound way to run your business. But if they were saying it’s not a good fit, and I like the manager is not a good fit.
And I know you’ve already said yes, but actually, the best thing we can do for the business is to say no to this opportunity and to email them. And then you can actually spend your time doing the things that you want to do in your business and your needle movers, and it’s gonna make you more money as well. And like, all these different things, then we’re just going to send this email and that will be that that, like, you would be like, Yeah, okay. And that’s the hard thing to do.
And I’m so glad I have you to do it. So go and do that. And that’s when we’re being the entrepreneur, the creative, or we’re being the manager as well, in these kinds of situations, that we do have to have courage to be the one to do that. And we can want to outsource that and say, Well, I’m just not good with those kinds of emails or conversations or find someone else to do it, you could find someone else to do it, or your growth could be learning how to do that yourself.
And sidenote, you could always just create another email address, and like, have the emails go through someone else. It’s not to say you can’t do that. But and by the way, with that, I mean, like creating almost like a fictitious person on your team. I’ve had so many entrepreneurs do this, I’m actually just listening at the moment to Samantha Wills, who had… it’s now closed, but a incredible jewelry business. And she was talking about Renee on her team, who did all her accounts, which is actually just her.
So anyway, I just wanted to, you know, be in integrity with that, the way you do that. Nothing that you know, is going to mean you can’t sleep at night. But also, there are certain things you can do. Anyway, that’s a side note. But the growth is to just say no, and to learn how to say no. And to also recognize when you are doing something from your old self image, your former self image and like you’re still waiting for your self image to catch up to where you are going for you to really stand in being a business owner that it’s not a hobby.
And this is especially the case, like if you have in your mind some kind of criteria in terms of like, well, I need to be making 10k a month or 100 grand a year, I need to be full time or all these different things. And then I’m a real business owner, not having like keeping ourselves apart from the self image of being a business owner. And by telling ourselves I’m not there yet stops us from getting there. You need to regardless of where you’re at in your business. And I know for me, I was already making a decent amount of money before I was like, oh shit, I need to actually start thinking about myself.
As an entrepreneur, it’s not just Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk, who get to call themselves that I am that. I am that now, before making like this was at the time before I’m making more than 10,000 a month or 100,000 a year like I am a business owner where the business isn’t just a hobby even though it started as been for me a blog that I wasn’t paid to write and all those different things that it is business.
And if I had from the beginning thought of it as a business and myself as a business owner, I would have made more money more quickly, more easily, and been able to grow the business much faster than when I was thinking like this isn’t you know, just a cute little thing I’m trying to do that isn’t really a thing and all of that kind of impostor syndrome.
Stuff, which is just self doubt that goes along with that. So that’s another note as well. But when it comes to let’s talk about, like how to identify when you do need to say no, after you’ve said yes. And I just want to share a couple of examples from my business and my life. And these aren’t the only circumstances in which it can happen. But it’s so helpful to be thinking about your bigger picture vision that you have for the business to have a conversation with your future self as well. So for this PGSDer, I said, like, hey, 10 years out, what would your future self say, like, reflecting back on this?
And she was like, Oh, my future self would say like, that was not worth her time and the energy, especially for the amount of money it was, and though it’s so powerful to say no to money, as well, to a really decent amount of money, there’s so much power in that. But anyway, that she would say like, no, don’t do that. And then even after that, she was like, okay, but I have to keep going through with this, because I’ve already said yes. And so this is when I was like, Okay, no, you’re great at saying no to these people. And so in my situation, a couple of ones that come to mind, is the recent one, where I was saying yes to being interviewed on a podcast, it met the criteria.
So we’re going to talk soon about there being like you having some hard and fast rules and minimum standards for things that you say yes to and that kind of thing. But this podcast, met my criteria for that. And then once we got more information, they wanted to do a pre interview where I would coach one of the hosts and then I would be interviewed on the podcast, it will be two calls. And I didn’t want to do two calls, I only wanted to do one call.
And it didn’t feel right to me to have there be this like coaching that like that’s a side tangent, but to coach someone who isn’t invested in the coaching who probably doesn’t have something specific to get coached on like, who doesn’t, you know, who isn’t PGSD and that kind of thing. Like, it didn’t feel like a good fit for me. Once we had more information. So even though I had said yes, already, and committed to doing the interview, once we got more information, I said, Hey, no, it’s no longer a good fit for us. And you know, if you change in the future, so that you only do one call, then it’s going to be a great fit. But until then it’s not a great fit. Thank you so much. Wishing you all the best.
And so that’s an example of a Yes, but No, instead of okay, I could have easily said, Okay, well, I, you know, that doesn’t really gel with me to do it that way. But I guess I could do it that way. And this isn’t to say that, you know, a few years ago, I wouldn’t have said yes to that. But at the place, I am now with my business, that it doesn’t make sense for me to do two calls. And maybe there’ll be an exception if it was, you know, Oprah’s podcast, or Tim Ferriss podcast or whatever. But generally speaking, my general rule is it’s one call.
And so I said, No, it’s another example. This is in 2018. And my business really started to grow in a huge way after this. And it was, I think, a whole part of that was just because of the self image, it put me in to say no, and to stop doing things that weren’t fully aligned from a place of scarcity. So with this, I was doing a whole lot of side things to make money. So I was working in my part time job at the time, I had left my full time job the year prior.
And because I wasn’t actually at this time, I hadn’t launched my coaching services yet. And I think I had a few courses at the time that I was selling like dream habits, a few different other ones. Anyway, PS if you want any of my stuff like that, that I have talked about in the past, it’s pretty much all of it is inside PGSD. Alongside the PGSD process, we have the men’s bonuses. So that’s just a side note. But I wasn’t sold on me being able to make the money I wanted to make from my actual business from the business model that I wanted.
So I had a lot of side hustles going on. I was working my part time job. And then I was doing Pinterest management for E commerce, businesses and businesses that because I had grown my blog through Pinterest, so I was doing that I was also ghost writing for a popular blogger on things like interior design and on productivity and time management and that kind of thing. And that money was like it was helpful to have that money coming into the business.
But what was really going on with that was that it like it was basically a big way that I was procrasti-working, because I would always prioritize working on that stuff for those clients before working on my business. And subconsciously, that was by design that I could say, Well, I would be getting more done in my business, I would be more successful making more money, I would be able to launch my coaching services if I wasn’t so busy with all this other stuff that I have to do for my clients that I have.
And so when I, like, turned that from a yes until no, actually, this is no longer a good fit for me in wrapping up working with those clients, even when, like, because Steve was like, why would you say no, like, it’s, you know, getting money from it, you can prioritize it, he definitely was like, it’s just, I know that my growth is to stop being so invested in having this plan B, and this plan C, and all of this and just actually go all in on the business model that I want to have.
And when I was coaching this PGSDer on it, with these brand deals and sponsorships and that kind of thing that to say, well, you know, it’s great to be working with these brands, that you know, even though they’re not like, they’re still a good, they’re not a horrible fit, like they’re still a good fit, but I’d never just specifically talk about them, or I haven’t actually bought some of their products before.
So I’m hoping no one would in my audience would ask me about it. Because it’s not really, you know, 100% fit, but it’s pretty close. That when now I’m just trying to think why would they? What are they talking about there? That when you are saying yes to something that isn’t 100% fit. And when you are saying yes to it, just because you don’t know how to say no, and you don’t want them to be mad. And I’m trying to speak while I was even saying, which I cannot it has slipped my mind and I know it will come back.
What was I saying that anyway, with all of this, it’s so important that you are recognizing that your growth is to say no. And that it can be like so in her situation, she was not prioritizing, she was moving these tasks for these businesses that she was working with, from one week to the next to the next you have power planning and she was noticing in her weekly review that she kept moving in and she’s admitted to get quote Janet, which is great. And it was kind of the opposite situation where I was in my life. Like when I was doing that I was prioritizing the client work, she was de-prioritizing it.
But then in all of this overwhelm, and resistance around actually getting it done. And it’s can happen in either way. So it might not be that, like me, you de-prioritizing your own work. But for her, her business model that she wanted to have out, this is what I was gonna say about practicing. I remember it. So when you’re practicing something, and she was saying, well, they’re not 100%, great fit. But it’s a great opportunity to practice working with brands so that when a brand comes along that I really do want to work with, then I am like I know, the business side of things.
I know, you know how to negotiate the pricing and how to create the content and all of that. And so I was saying to her like that is coming from a place of not trusting yourself to be able to figure it out when the time comes. And that that’s such a great reason. To say yes to something you want to say no to is a whole great practice. You know, it’s this great warm up for when the real deal comes along. And but in that there’s this underlying lack and scarcity of well, I couldn’t get the opportunity that I wanted now. So I need to say yes to this lesser opportunity.
So I can warm up for the real one coming. Not to say this, I’m feeling I’ve said it not to say so many times. And it’s there’s so much nuance to this and a lot of times of growth is to do the thing and to do it scared but in this situation. The yes and commitment she had made was from her old self image of not being a business owner, and of needing to say like not being able to trust herself, that she could work with a brand that she really wanted to work with and figure it out and not need to practice on all of these ones that come up along the way.
And there might be times where it does make sense to practice on certain things. But in this case and at this stage of her business, where she was already making a decent amount of money and really had other avenues for that it, especially when you look at like you think of it like a pie chart, and you break down where her business time and mental energy was going in terms of like where the revenue comes from. And so like a lot of that comes from a course and online course.
And then where her time and energy was going, which is into brand deals, which makes such a smaller amount than the amount that she’s making. If she just instead spent that time and continuing to create the content she actually wanted to create. And instead of promoting other people’s businesses, running her own businesses, again, this isn’t to say that it’s not a great fit to do sponsorships, and brand deals and that kind of thing. But you can also decide that it’s not for you. And just because you see other people doing it, that, that doesn’t mean that you have to do it. And that’s something and this is what I share on that call as well.
Somebody that I personally have experimented with. And you can probably tell from the podcast and from my Instagram and that kind of thing, what my stance at the moment is on that, because I don’t have ads on the podcast, I don’t promote other people’s products, like I have no paid or unpaid affiliations or anything like that, that I have decided that I’m just going to be promoting my business and any energy that would be spent on like getting ads on the podcast, and like negotiating back and forth and recording those or different things like that, that I’m just going to put that into what I’m already doing.
And to compound that, instead of trying to venture out and that doesn’t mean at some point that might change. But at the point that I’m at at the moment, and this is one of those decisions that I keep reevaluating, not every day, I would say maybe like once a year, there are certain decisions. And I think I’d have to say like, I haven’t been intentionally thinking about it. But when I’m doing my yearly planning, so I’m setting my growth goal, and I’m reflecting on the year prior. And that kind of thing is when I think about these things are like, Okay, what’s the business model?
Where is that? Where are we going? And also thinking about within that, like, what am I going to be focused on and also what’s on my not to do list. And that’s when I will reexamine, and we decide what I’m going to do. So when I had coaches PGSDer, and she said, Okay, well, this makes me like the conversation we’re having makes me want to decide I’m never gonna do a brand deal again. But I know that all or nothing thinking. And I was saying like, yes, it is all or nothing thinking. And we don’t want to say never again. But what we can do is we can set up criteria, minimum standards, we can have hard and fast rules. And we can set up a framework.
So we don’t need to be bogged down in having to make decisions, or every time having to even get from point zero, we can instead have certain criteria that they need to meet. And we can have, for example, email templates that say, Hey, I have a hard and fast rule that I don’t you know, posts guest articles on my blog, or whatever it is that you can, especially if it is a hard and fast rule. So for example, for me, I have a hard and fast rule that I don’t do interviews on other people’s podcasts unless they’re a friend of mine. Unless they have sorry, the main point is unless they have more than 10 episodes.
And I think, you know, changing that to being at least 25 episodes, probably even 50 episodes, so that I’m not spending time being interviewed on a podcast that might never see the light of day like the person might record six episodes and then it gets abandoned that I want to be interviewed on podcasts that actually going to be reaching people, which obviously makes sense. So I have if I get, you know, someone reaches out and says, Hey, can you be on my podcast? If they don’t have more than 10 episodes, even if it’s a perfect fit. It’s a no.
And then we can just say, hey, we have a hard and fast rule that it’s a no, reach back out to us when you’re in, you know, a different situation. So it can be really helpful to set up little things like that. And I love when it’s a no, to say like, if it is true only if it is true to just say, Hey, I have a hard and fast rule that whatever it is, so far, this applies to so many things, it can just like really big, personal life wise. And if you’re being say, invited to an event or something, you need to travel to just say, Hey, I don’t travel to go to an event, unless it’s my immediate family, like there’s so many times that we can just have these rules and allow ourselves the freedom in that to not have to think of everything and decide from scratch, over and over and over again.
So you can have for yourself a criteria that needs to be met, and like a default. So in this example, instead of her default to a brand deal being a yes, the default is a no, unless certain criteria are met. And something that I just want to mention, in case, this is something that is helpful for you to hear, is that one of the things she had said is that it would be helpful, I mean, certainly helpful. She would want to work with brands, like the one that did feel like it was a great fit, because she had set a price to them.
And they had said that price was $500. And they had said yes, without questioning it. And she wanted to work with brands it just saying automatic Yes. And then not having to be back and forth negotiation. And I said to her, and I want to invite you to think about the same. Maybe they said yes, because the amount you proposed was well with inside their budget. And of course, they said yes, instead of thinking like, oh, well, you know, that price was probably more than they wanted to offer.
But they really respect me. So they said yes. It’s like, actually, so if you’re doing any of this kind of stuff, if they say yes, straightaway, you have probably most likely offered way too little. And we think about it in this all or nothing way of like, well, I have to say this lower price, or they’re going to come back and say no, or who do you think you are? But what’s actually going to happen is if you say, you know, whatever price you think is reasonable, and then add some more to it.
It’s a negotiation, they granted probably negotiate you down anyway, if they if you add some more to it, and they still say Yes, I know that they had a bigger budget than that. But you want to know that they are going to come back and say, Hey, actually, no, that’s beyond our budget. But what about this amount, you can still go back to that and say, actually, you know, this is the minimum that I will do it for whatever it is, and it can be above that.
And you will be surprised how many times that in those kinds of situations, they will come back and say okay, yes, we can do that amount, even if they’ve already told you the top of our budget is whatever. So I just wanted to mention that because you might think like, that’s a great standard, when really that is a sign more likely that you are under selling or under charging. And of course, they’re gonna say yes to it. So anytime that situation started just saying yes, without questioning.
And the same, I would have to say is probably true with any of your products or services or anything like that, if no one is ever questioning the price, that’s just something to be looking at. And also, if they’re questioning the price, that that’s not a sign that it’s priced too highly just a sign that it’s not a great fit for that person, or it’s not a great fit for that person at that time, and you need to do the work on selling them. And we always are selling the people who want it not trying to convince the people who don’t want it. Anyway, that’s all a bit of a side tangent side note. But you know, that’s how I also speak.
So when it comes to saying, No, in this situation, I was saying, Okay, well, when we’re going to just say just English, it was like I’ve already said yes. And like it just wasn’t even option our mind to say no, but really say No, I said, Okay, how do you want to say no to like, Okay, well, I definitely want to do it in a vague way. And again, we’ll always be thinking about any situations you have in business or your personal life. Like, okay, just want to be vague about and be like, Hey, sorry, no longer a good fit or like not even that, just like hey, sorry, I’m not going to be able to do it. Thanks. But to know that the best thing that you can do is to be honest.
And as I said before, you don’t need to share every single thought you have about it, but to really just be like, Hey, this is no longer a good fit for me for this reason. Wishing you all the best and like to just like you’d really don’t want to blame busyness. You really don’t want to blame not having enough time. Or any of these other things. We tend to blame when we actually just want to say no and a lot of things. It’s like not now and not ever, but I’m not saying you need to burn the bridges and need to say no forever.
But to just actually say, like to not set yourself, your future self up to have to deal with you not being brave enough in the moment to actually just be courageous now as an act of service for your future self, you just… That could be a whole thing like that is, it’s such an act of service for our future self, that we do the brave, scary, courageous thing now. So that in the future, we’re not having to deal with the ramifications of us not showing up in the way that we really want to be showing up. And it’s a practice, it’s a skill that we are developing.
But I want you to be thinking about that, when you are needing to have a hard conversation to make a hard decision that that is an act of service for your future self. So that’s really what I wanted to say, on this topic. Just to chat about it. I hope it’s been helpful for you to be thinking about, okay for you, what is the things, especially in your business, but can be personalized to? What are the things you find yourself saying yes to, that you actually want to say no to? And maybe at the time you said, Yes, you never really wanted to say yes, but you just did, because you don’t want someone to be mad at you.
You don’t want to upset someone, or they like that, or maybe it was a hell yes. And then something’s changed. And it no longer is, if there’s any situation where you’re hoping someone will cancel, maybe you have, for example, a client that you’re hoping will quit, you need to have a conversation, that’s a very good example of when it’s a good time to fire your client. I mean, sometimes the growth isn’t that, but a lot of times it is. And that is a thing that you can do, even if they’re paying me money, which they hopefully will be, because they are your client.
So yeah, having to think about it in your business. Is there something that you were dreading? Is there something that you were putting off again and again? And could it be that especially there’s someone else involved. That you actually need to say no, when it has been a yes. And you’ve said yes. And you, you’re the kind of person you want to be true to your word, you want to honor your commitments. But think about talk with your future self. Is it actually the best fit for you to say yes, to continue being a yes, you can update your decisions at any time. Just because you said yes before, it doesn’t mean it has to remain a yes.
Or just if you said yes to a certain kind of thing before, doesn’t mean you have to keep saying yes to that. And that comes back to that mountain analogy of what previously might have been held yes. As your business grows, you will find that changing. And you will need to change and just be onto yourself about it and have some awareness around it. That you will need to change the standards that you have for what you say yes to, you will need to change the criteria for what you say yes too, and if there’ll be a lot of things at work in the beginning that don’t work later on.
And you will need to have an awareness around that and the courage to say no, and we want to make sure we’re not beating ourselves up for saying yes to things that we wanted to say no to, or anything like that. It’s all growth. And it’s the best growth, I really feel like these kinds of things, especially when it’s kind of a good fit. It’s not a horrible fit, it’s kind of a good fit, but it’s not the best fit. Saying no to something that’s not the best fit. So much growth always follows that and so much money as well in terms of building your business and actually having it work in the way that you want it to not having to invest all this time and energy into these side hustles within your business and backup plans.
But actually having at work with the business model you want that follows being courageous that follows stepping into the self image of being a business owner and entrepreneur at the level that you are at. And that that’s constantly going to be changing. And also to really be tuning into your own wisdom and having those discussions with your future self that there might be and there will be others in your industry who are saying yes to things that you would actually be saying no to and they might be making more money they knew and it’s okay that it’s a good fit for them.
And it’s not a good fit for you could also be the case they’re just saying yes because they don’t know how to say no. But instead of thinking like a I will this person is making more money than me. So I need to follow the same Instagram strategy that they’re doing and posting the same way I do my Instagram stories in the same way, or I definitely can’t price my services or my product at higher than this one because they’re more successful than me and all these different things that we do when we’re like, well, if they’re more successful, if they’re saying yes to that kind of thing, then I should say yes to that kind of thing.
There’s so much power in learning from that, like, Okay, I wonder what their thought process might be, when they’re thinking about that thing, like how they make decisions. But instead of looking at the decision they made and thinking, Okay, I have to take the same action that has flowed from their decision, to instead, learn what you can like deduce what you can from the decision making process, and then make your own decisions. And do that in consultation with your growth goal, your big picture vision you have your business and your future self.
And to really, like listen to the wisdom and follow the wisdom that you have, instead of ignoring it, because someone who’s making more money is doing it differently, or an experts doing it differently. And I was talking about this on the coaching call as well, when was coaching a different PGSDer talking about how they like, we’re really sold it as like a right way and a wrong way to do things. And especially when our handbrake is on. Our perfectionism handbrake that we interpret it that way, that this is the only way to do things. And what is really the case is there are so many ways to get there.
But I was saying like the example of if you want to bake a blueberry muffin, that the recipe isn’t going to say, okay, you can use a cup of flour, or you can use half a cup, and then later on, you’re going to need to do this differently. Or you can use two cups, and then later on, it’ll have to be there. So like, it’s just like use a cup of flour, and then butter and sugar and whatever it is in these exact quantities. It’s not the only way to get there. But you have to be decided about the way to get that to actually get there.
And if it’s this wishy washy, like none of us would ever follow any recipes, like it is just a recipe and there are so many but we wouldn’t follow a recipe if it wasn’t clear and specific about the steps. And that’s why like when it comes to looking at how others are doing things, or being in a program, that they’re going to be like, Okay, do this and do that and do that because they’ve got a recipe, like in PGSD and PGSD processes like that. But it’s not like that’s the only way to do it. But that is a way to do it. And following that there’s so many benefits to that.
But it’s not the only way we never want to be following a recipe at our own expense. It doesn’t mean that there isn’t going to be times where we have a lot of discomfort around that resistance to doing that. And that we don’t need to just coach ourselves on doing it the recipe, like the way the recipe recommends, there are so many times in my own coaching and my own experiences with that, that I feel a lot of resistance doing things a certain way. And my growth is to do it that way. And to get out of my own way in order to do that.
And there are other times where it’s not for me, and it’s really like your weekly review and your relationship with your future self and that kind of thing that helps you to tell the difference between that and to discern that and you can get on a coaching call in PGSD and get coached on that as well. But yeah, it’s it’s really knowing that there’s a lot of right ways to do it. Like we don’t even want to be thinking that the right way and a wrong way. But just because someone else in your industry is doing it a certain way.
And especially if you’re thinking well, they’re making more money than me or whatever. So I have to do it that same way. I have to post the same kind of Instagram posts, I have to write my emails are the same way. Like, that’s not the reason they’re successful. That is not the reason they are successful, they’re successful, because of the way they’re thinking, not the way that they are doing things. And so you want to be focusing on how you’re thinking.
And if you’re going to look at anyone else’s business to examine how they might be thinking, and then apply the same thought process to your business and you will probably find it will result in there being a different strategy, a different outcome when you apply and use that, you know, decision making filter or whatever it is. So I’m gonna do a separate episode on that. So, I’m not gonna go too much into that in this one. But if you have found this episode helpful, please take a screenshot and tag me on Instagram. I’m @perfectionismproject. I hope you’re having a beautiful day and I’ll talk to you in the next episode.
I hope you enjoyed that episode. And I just want to give you a final reminder that the doors to PGSD are now open, you can go to samlaurabrown.com/pgsd, to become a PGSDer and really commit to getting out of your own way in your business to go from protecting your potential to actually pursuing it. So come and join us. We would love to have you in our beautiful supportive judgment free community of perfectionist entrepreneurs like you and to support you as you get out of your own way in your business. So samlaurabrown.com/pgsd is where you can find out more about the program. The answers to frequently asked questions as well and sign up to join us today.