Podcast

Episode 351: The Secret To Enjoying The Journey with Lou Niestadt

Episode 351 - The Secret To Enjoying The Journey with Lou

In this episode I’m interviewing Lou Niestadt on how to enjoy the journey to your goals.

Lou is a writer, mama, entrepreneur and human design expert better known as Mrs. Universe. She loves to experiment with the Universal Laws and believes that if we make joy our job, everything we dream of in life will come to us naturally.

I know you’re going to appreciate Lou’s expertise and wisdom as we talk about pursuing the goals you truly want to pursue, the lessons Lou has learned through manifestation, and how to be unattached from your goal while still pursuing it fully. 

Everything we talk about will help you learn to enjoy the journey of building your business.

In This Episode You’ll Learn:

  • How to check whether your goals are ones you truly want to pursue
  • The manifestation experiment Lou did and her biggest lessons from it
  • Lou’s journaling practice that helps her enjoy the journey and connect with her feelings
  • How to enjoy the journey of building your business
  • How to be unattached from your goal whilst still pursuing it fully

PGSD is opening to new students on 26 October 2022:
The PGSD Process will have you getting out of your own way in your business and planning properly as a perfectionist. The doors to Perfectionists Getting Shit Done will be opening at 6am New York time on 26 October and closing at 11:59pm New York time on 1 November 2022. To find out more about the program and be the first to know when the doors open, join the waitlist here: samlaurabrown.com/pgsd.

Listen To The Episode

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Tune in to learn how to enjoy the journey of building your business, and be unattached to your goals while pursuing them fully.

FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Sam Laura Brown
Hi, and welcome to another episode of The Perfectionism Project. A podcast full of perfectionism advice for entrepreneurs. My name is Sam Laura Brown, I help entrepreneurs release their perfectionism handbrake, so they can get out of their own way and build a fulfilling and profitable business. I’m the founder of the perfectionist getting shit done group coaching program, which is otherwise known as PGSD. And for even more perfectionism advice to help you with your business, you can follow me on Instagram @perfectionismproject.

In today’s episode, I’m interviewing my dear friend, Lou Niestadt. She is an incredible woman. She is an illustrator, an artist, a author and entrepreneur, a mother, a grandmother. She is a master at storytelling. I love her stories. I love the way that she teaches. She is a teacher as well. And she is just the embodiment of practicing what you preach. And I love that so much about her. It’s magnetic the way that she lives her life so true to herself. And we talk about that in this episode, we talk about her journey with entrepreneurship, and more so specifically about enjoying the journey, and what her practices around that look like. We talk about goal setting decision making manifestation.

So Lou is someone who really talks a lot to manifestation. She is also a projector in human design, like myself as well. So we talk a bit about that. This conversation covers a lot of ground and I had so many notes that I was madly scribbling down, as she was talking that she was reminding me of so many things that I have learned from her over the years, and I just wanted to share them all with you. And we just didn’t have the time.

In this episode. Though she is also a podcast host. She doesn’t upload to it regularly, at least not at this point in time. But if you are a Dutch speaker as well, you are in for a treat, because about 80% of her podcast episodes are in Dutch 20% also are in English. So she is the highest of the In the Pocket Podcast. And if you vibe with what we talk about in this episode, and I know you will, then I highly recommend heading over to her podcast.

And if you only speak English like me and you don’t speak Dutch go and find her English episodes, and soak it up. And I’m also mentioned in a couple of them, but soak it up because she just has so much to share. And as I said is just such an example of practicing what you preach and being in action and figuring things out by doing things. And also stopping and reflecting and all of that we talk about clean rest and journaling. There’s just a lot we cover in this episode. So I really hope that you enjoy it.

Hi, Lou, welcome to the podcast, I am so excited to have you on. And I just know that you are going to be able to share so much wisdom, with everyone listening that you are such a ray of light. And I’m just so grateful to have you here.

Lou Niestadt
Oh, thank you, Sam, it is so good to be here. I’m just honored. I’m really honored.

Sam Laura Brown
So I wanted to talk to you about enjoying the journey, and your joy ride and your experience with that. Because a lot of times we can be so focused on getting to our goals and achieving what we want to achieve that we forget to enjoy the journey and to pay attention to what we want the day to day experience to feel like and be connected to that and be present with that. And you are just such an incredible example of exploring that and pursuing that even when it’s uncomfortable and being willing to ask uncomfortable questions of yourself and follow where that takes you and really explore and I’ve just been in admiration of the way that you have done that.

And we met at the Bali retreat that Kathrin Zenkina, Manifestation Babe hosted I think it was 2019 that we met and there was so many car rides and different times where we’re sitting around the accommodation that I just wanted to be near you and just asking you all the questions and I remember one car ride in particular where you were talking about enjoying the journey and it’s okay that you’re a day late and taking the scenic route and like how to do that and not have it be at the cost of The desires that you have and the way that you want to express yourself and all of those things.

So with all of that said, I would love you to just start by talking about your joy ride your experiment that you did think it was around 2019, you can tell us the details. But why did you go on that exploration, that journey of figuring out what it looked like to follow your joy and to be present with enjoying the journey? And where did that leave you? That’s what I want to talk to you about. So take it from anywhere that you want to.

Lou Niestadt
Oh, wow, thank you this is already so like, just going back to Bali with you in this, like, just a thought of it. That was in the middle of my joyride to freedom experiment. And I had this urge to stop social media, to quit. And I had an online business, I still have an online business, but I have an online business. And I figured I couldn’t I couldn’t imagine not being on social, if you have an online business, I thought how can I not be online if I have an online business, but this urge was just so did like the longing to just not be there anymore, was just getting bigger and bigger, that I figured that it was time to pull the plug.

And, and also, I was like, the same reason why we were in Bali with Kathrin for the whole manifestation thing, and the law of attraction and all these things that you need to trust on. Just like I’m not trusting. And if I just if I can’t follow what’s really what I’m being pulled towards, then it is just something that I believe in my head, but not something that I actually believe in trusting that all I have to do is follow that joy, and follow that freedom, that feeling. And that will be enough.

So I finally gave myself permission to just commit social suicide and and see what happened. And I felt so free. And I felt so joyful. That that was I was like, wow. But that was only the beginning. Because not long after that, I was like, I really don’t want to have that whole membership. In my business it works it is you can make good money. But it I didn’t feel free anymore. It’s like I have to just be there all the time. So then I pulled the plug from my business, I spoke to my team, I said, actually, I don’t want to do the whole membership model anymore. I just want to feel free, and just want to.

So after pulling the plug from social, I pulled the plug from my business. And that was more scary because like not being on social, I didn’t really know how much that will cost me but pulling the plug from my membership model. I knew exactly what that was going to cost me. And still I want it to trust it. And then I wrote in my journal, and I asked, the only question I asked myself was, what is the next step? And then my poll. And it literally said, take everything off your website, get your campervan, drive to Paris, live the writers life, live the Law of Attraction before you teach it.

And I was like, OMG. The first I thought is there even a camping ground in Paris? Yes, there is at the San. So and then I asked my husband who was riding next to me. It’s like I just got this really amazing answer from my pen. So what will you think if I’d go do the Hemingway in Paris and just go there and just write and draw in cafes and just for the fun of it, instead of it being a having to be a book, it having to be for my business, for course. So I drove to Paris, went to cafes to write and draw. And I was just so happy. It was just so I was like, wow, I really have to rethink what success means to me because yes, it was very successful.

But I felt so much more successful, being in a cafe in Paris, and writing and drawing and just for the fun of it just for the joy of it just for the writing and the drawing and being like living the writers and the artists life like all the others did before me in Paris with like, it felt so good that I gave myself a year to do an experiment to see what would happen if I would truly follow my joy and my freedom, instead of what I thought I would have to do to be successful to make a living to be all these things that you think you have to be. And that turned out just to be such an amazing year where so many miraculous things happened.

And it was just, I just couldn’t, it’s like, it really, really works. Until then I have thought it as a concept in my mind, but by doing it, it is in the feeling in the body, it’s not in the mind. So by giving myself permission, do you think was that when I pulled the plug from social from my business, then I thought, Okay, now I’m going to be invisible. Now, I’m going to be like, everybody will forget about me, it’s no matter how successful it was before now it’s done.

But instead of becoming invisible, I became very visible, because now everybody, like asked me for interviews in magazines, and podcasts and TV things for, like how it is to live an offline life. Like, not wanting to go offline, because I thought I had to be online all the time. And this is why I know that if you trust what is pulling at you, that if you follow that it is in there, and we give, we don’t give ourselves permission enough to do it. Because we have all these thoughts about how we have to be instead of what we want to be or want to do.

So that was that year was so incredible, that I thought why don’t and then I was just like making this whole year, I was making like an illustrated documentary, I was just writing and drawing about how I felt what I did, what were all the miracles that happened. And it didn’t have to be a book yet, it didn’t have to be a course yet. It didn’t have to be anything yet, it was just for the joy, it was just to capture it, it was just to, like, wrap my head around it, it was not meant for anything else. But I’m capturing it and, and enjoying the journey and write and draw about that.

So but in the end, the idea for Pockets Full of Joy emerged out of that, because I figured I what I had been doing before was, especially when it came to manifesting and, but also for business, but like reading, reading, reading, reading all the time, like, like, all the time doubling up on my brain. And every time I thought, you know, it’s never enough more books, more courses more, more more, but not trusting that I actually knew enough of everything. And all I had to do was live it instead of reading, reading and live is not the same thing.

Reading and feeling is not the same thing. And if you want to manifest it, you manifest on the feeling, it’s a feeling in the body. While your purpose is in the mind, but like to actually manifest it is something that you have to feel so you have to actually do less, to gain more because in the doing of the less it is when your body gets to rest and gets to feel the feeling, to feel the free. We don’t have, especially as entrepreneurs, we have a lot of freedom. That is why we are entrepreneurs probably in the first place. But we don’t use the freedom that we have.

Because you can like especially if you’re like online, you can work 24/7 And we are very comfortable working on times that other people are not working but we’re not so comfortable to like be free on times that other people are working. Now we do both. And because it’s still difficult to like take a nap on broad daylight because you have to work at that time. You have to do stuff at that time and you have to be you always have to be doing things but it’s actually in them in a not doing. So then I thought oh my god. It is just it is so simple. Which is not the same as easy. But the steps, the manifesting steps are the manifest. That’s it. It’s not. It’s not rocket science, it is. It is actually really, really simple.

Sam Laura Brown
And what are the steps?

Lou Niestadt
If you’re like, really, um, the steps are you have to know what you want, like focus. And before that I did not focus at all because I was all over the place. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, I didn’t know what I wanted to be. Every time I wanted to do all these manifesting steps, I started to, like, create, like these big goals and all these things that I don’t even need. I don’t even want either. Like, when you’re there, it’s like, oh, but you’re still not happy. It’s not in there. For me, it’s like to live a simple life and live it well. That’s actually what I really want to do.

So why am if I love to be in Paris, and write and draw just for the fun of it, then why am I always creating stuff to sell, and to, which is it’s, I love it. But it’s like, I made it so big all the time. And every time it’s not to can and it’s also because we think it cannot be that easy. It cannot be easy. We have to work hard for it. And also it is easier to keep reading, and to keep learning and do all these courses. Because then you are in it with your mind, you still don’t have to do it. You still that because now you’re studying. But you only have to do like first step is know what you want.

The second step is that you had that use already stepped into the version of yourself that has what you already what you want to have. So you actually step into your future self, the one that already has, what you want to have. You start like coming from that place. And the third step is that you receive what you want to receive. That’s it. That’s it, but it’s so difficult, because we have all these thoughts about why that is not possible. Why we can do that. So we want something and then all these limiting beliefs will show up, that will tell us why it’s not possible what we actually want.

And that is the whole thing, like getting into the vibration of the future self that already has what you want. And for me with doing my experiment, I have stopped to manifest material things or these kinds of I just want to manifest the feeling. Because it is in the feeling, I just want to manifest the joy and I just want to manifest the freedom. And by feeling those feelings. This is why I love the manifestation so much. It’s like it will give you things that you would not even put on your vision board because you didn’t even know it was possible.

But if you go free frequency, then it will give you more joy, it will give you more freedom, it will give you all these things that you didn’t even know you want it. And it’s like, and for me, the less I have actually on stuff or things to do. The happier I feel, the more joyful I feel, the more freedom I feel, the more I pulled towards me. So it is it really, really, really does work. If you give yourself permission to feel to go for the feeling. Instead of the outcome that you tell. My vision boards look like joy and freedom. And I will just like show me what you’ve got for me. It’s like it’s even better than I thought it could ever be.

So trust the trust to trust and that process and this is very funny because we are both projectors as human design. And projectors for projectors it really works even better because we have to lean back and wait for the invitation. And we and the universe will just give us things as long as we just don’t go out to get everything all the time. We’re out to get it and you don’t have to go get it you just have to receive it. And that is what we cannot wrap our heads around. It’s like like how does that even work but the whole how thing is not us to up to us and I love it.

If I don’t know what’s coming and I can just go about my day like being in awe of everything to do it’s like, wow, I didn’t even know that will be a possibility. Look at that. And just following that, joy, you can just feel the yes, you can feel the yes. And it’s. And if you, if you I think freedom is probably one of our biggest values, I think everyone would and especially now with all them, the wars going on and all these things, all the things that we have, we know we have the freedom, but we don’t use the freedom and we don’t feel the freedom.

But it’s such an essential part of why we want to have the things that we want. We want those things because we think we’ll have more joy, and we’ll be more free. But it’s that we most of the time we put ourselves into the corner and feel less free and feel less joy because we’re like, going after all these big goals. And that is what I think is the downside of the whole manifesting mania, that we are the tendency to go for the big things for the money, the success, the fame and fortune, just because you can yes, you can create it with it.

But is it what you really want out of life? What does that look like? What is that? What does that mean for you for your family for? You can create it all but like, be careful what you wish for because it might not be in there. And I now that I only manifest feelings and frequencies. I will I just ask for everything that is best for me. And then once you get all these things that I could not even not even think of.

Sam Laura Brown
Yeah, there’s so many, sorry to cut you up as you’ve been writing, there’s so many notes that I have been writing down because I like everything you’ve mentioned is so consistent with what I teach inside PGSD. And even though like you’ve mentioned about like goals, and that kind of thing, that in PGSD, we set a growth goal, which is something that we need to grow in order to achieve.

And a huge part of that I really believe that part of being able to especially if you’re not in the habit of being someone who enjoys the journey, something that can help with that is having a worthy destination. Not worthy in the sense that when you get that it’ll make you feel a certain way because it won’t, but that you have, like you said, the first step in manifestation is having a focus, you have something to give your attention to.

And then the beauty of the way that we do the goals is that you really have to learn how to enjoy the journey in order to achieve the goal, that it really doesn’t happen that you achieve it without having enjoyed the journey. Like you have to learn how to enjoy the journey, so that you can become the person who achieves the goals and so many things that you’ve mentioned about. I call it clean rest, resting without guilt and self trust.

And you mentioned so much about feelings and really feeling it in your body and not what I call procrasti-learning, which is when we just are learning as a form of procrastination, because when we’re learning, as you said, we’re not feeling we’re not doing we’re just intellectualizing things, and it’s very comfortable to be in the learning. And there are so many different things. As you were talking, I was just remembering all these different conversations that we have had over the years, and just so many things I want to talk about with you.

But something that I wanted to ask you about was your journaling practice that you have, because I think that that is something that really from my outside perspective, helps you to actually be in the feelings and when you talk about like being in joy, like as someone who’s still learning how to be in their feelings like that. It can sound a bit like abstract like but what does that look like? And what’s a practice to help with that and having first seen it in Bali, when you would have you’re like it’s the most beautiful journal you’ve ever seen, and not because of the covers or anything but because of the beautiful, incredible illustrations you have in there.

And every single day you have an illustration of something about that day and it could be an incredibly happy day or a day where you’re grieving but there’s something expressive there and it just, it’s so obvious from the outside to see that you really are connected with how you were feeling and with feeling those feelings in your body and being present to them. And from the outside. It looks like that practice is something that helps to pay attention to the experience of your day to day and be more connected with those feelings of joy and freedom, would you mind sharing a bit about your journaling practice that you have?

Lou Niestadt
Yeah, sure, it is, well, the journaling practice that I have is I, I write and draw in my my agenda, it’s like, instead of writing in there, what I have to do, I, I, at the end of the day, I will just create, like a little drawing and a little writing of something that I want to capture. And that gives me a better eye during the day because I am looking for what I want to capture. At the end of the day is like, what is like, and I’m curious about what’s going to end up in there is like, is it and there’s so much I could just draw and write about at the end of the day.

And, and also very good that you said like, it’s also in the grieving, I think it’s a mistake that we think that we have to be on these high vibes only. And that joy, it’s like joy is not the same thing as pleasure. Pleasure is from the outside inside, that gives us pleasure, which will fade again, Joy is something that will come from the inside out. And it is something it is in everything, it’s not in the good things only. Joy can be found in everything. If you are willing to look for the joy, if you’re willing to look for the good things, in all the things, in all the feelings, it is not and nothing, I’m really glad that you just said that because it is a mistake to think that we have to be happy all the time.

It’s not. It’s in everything. So in my journal and on my journal, it’s kind of like proof of a life well lived for myself. It might not even my agenda is just work work work work work because I have been inspiring other people all the time. I’ve been creating books and being writing and drawing for that and being creating like courses and it’s like, but if my life, my own life is in my agenda is work, work, work, work, work, no time to just draw or capture anything is like then it is all a lie, then it is just to inspire other people, but this is my life.

This is my life that I have to live with myself, my husband, my children, my grandchildren, there has to be something in there that is worth noting. Because if I don’t have anything in there because I didn’t see anything that day that will even light me up or give me a thought or a feeling about what I am enjoying in this life then it’s just, you know, then it’s just life. So I capture that in my agenda. And it’s really good to because it will give me the joy three times or the feeling three times first by like enjoying it in real time.

Then by capturing it in my journal to like keep it and then after ones when I look if I if I just go through my journals, it’s like ah, yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And I get the same feelings. So it is for me. That is it is the my book of life. This is and it doesn’t I mean and I’m not like enjoying every day I’m not feeling free all the time. It’s like in all the things and shit happens, people die around me, people get sick around me. It’s like that nothing will happen to my life. But I always think that I have maybe 50% that I can create my own reality and the other 50% is like inshallah it is why you know, you never know what will happen.

But I have 100% responsibility to take that moment as it comes and this is it. This is the moment, this is what is happening right now. I am have to going to be a gold finder instead of a fault finder because if I look for the fault in everything, I will find them but if I will look for the gold and everything I will find that too so it’s up to me to just be with whatever it is and without the resistance of it not wanting to be the way that it is. This is it. And the this is it is really helpful for me to like okay, this is it. What is in here? If you start to trust that the universe it always works for you, whatever it is throws at you.

If it was always meant to be for you, then you will look for what is in here. That will give me either a lesson or like I’ve just been stopped on my joy rides like maybe I have to just look around like we had this I remember this conversation that we had in Bali destination manifestation that for me it is I see it as a inner road trip all the time. And if you have like the focus on where you want to go, that is my destination, I put it in my, my GPS, that is a destination, I’m still here, I still need to go there.

But I have I really see the universe my guidance as a GPS that I have to tune in, I know where I want to go now. And for me, that is freedom and joy. But that is the destination. This is where I am right now this is it. How can I get to where I want to go? First of all I have to go because if I don’t, like don’t even move, then my GPS can say anything. Because if I’m not moving, it can tell me if I’m right, it can tell me if I’m wrong, I gotta go first. Because in the going it can see where I am at and think, Oh, you got to change lanes here or Oh, you have to go back or make a U turn. Or you’re on the right way. And that helps me to know that I can’t go wrong. I can’t make a wrong move.

Because if I am making a wrong move, it will tell me if I tune in and follow the joy is giving me a feeling of joy, or is this something that I need to do is this something that I want to do is is something that I need to do? And all the time I’m just tuning in, checking in. And then I do the destination manifestation so I’m like, I really check in with my feelings like how am I feeling? Because if you’re gonna go to what am I thinking? Then 60 to 80,000 thoughts a day. Like Good luck with that.

But if I have then I can feel and then I have on I am on this inner road trip and I have this like car that I’m driving. And I have this dashboard. And then in my mind, this destination manifestation dashboard will show up is like how am I feeling? Well, if I’m feeling stressed, then I know for sure that I’m not going to go on the destination to my destination because all I have to know is do I feel good? Or how do I feel? I don’t have to feel good. I just have to know if what I feel.

If I feel good for me I’m like good see this destination manifestation. I will just take my foot off the gas. Just in my mind. I’m not really driving. And I was like, do I feel good? Okay, keep going. Do I feel bad? Okay, is there something that I know that if I feel good, I will always go to where I want to go. If I don’t feel so good. I will not end up where I want to go. So I will without me knowing it. I will just take another road. So then I think okay, can I think something that will make me feel better?

Because it’s in the thoughts that will create the feelings. And if I feel stressed and I think what am I thinking that causes me to feel stress? Like I don’t have time to do this I’m in a hurry. On no wonder I feel stressed. Can I think something that will make me feel better? I can just go the moment right now. I can see what’s happening around me. I can think like this. I only have to finish this for now. I don’t go to where I think I also have to do so can I think something that makes me feel better?

Yes. Okay, I feel better keep going. If I really feel bad and I can’t get myself out of that feeling. Pull over, like, take yourself away, is you will not go where you want to go. You might as well pull over and stop the car and that is why we were talking about like, you will arrive a day late or two or a week or a month. It’s okay because if you keep going, you won’t get there either. You’ll always get there and that is what why it was so good that you said that before.

Yes, you can get there because you can also take like the highway and you can go like go go go and keep driving and just don’t stop and never ever give up and keep going. Yes, you can get there. But it will not bring you what you thought it will bring you because it is the way you feel, while you’re on your road trip to the destination that you want to go. That is the indication of how much you’re going to enjoy it once you’re there.

Sam Laura Brown
100%. It’s, it’s so true.

Lou Niestadt
Because it is really, because once you are there, once you got it, then there’s something else that you want to create or want to have. It’s not it. Nevertheless, it’s the getting to where you want to go. That is really the joy, right?

Sam Laura Brown
Yeah, I want to talk about sorry, I want to talk about I’m related to this. And this conversation we’re having about the GPS and that kind of thing. That I think the last time we met, like we saw each other in person was in, in 2019. In LA, we both happened to be there. And we met up and had lunch. And that was so fun. And on the way there. So I was there with my brother Alex, and we were meeting you at a cafe can’t remember which one. But we have like no idea, any of the layout of LA or anything like that.

And so we get in the Uber and we just have given the Uber driver a destination. And we’re just trusting that they are going to get us that we have no indication like the whole journey there. There’s zero indication of whether we’re on track, like we don’t know, if we’re going completely the wrong direction, we’re just trusting that we are going to get to the destination. And I remember you saying because you were talking about like how you don’t know you’ve arrived at the destination until you arrive. Like all in that whole journey.

You don’t know that it’s going to get there like trusting that you’re going to get to the destination. And that. So for example, with this ride that we were on, that he had, like pulled over maybe like, I don’t know, 30 meters away from where the cafe entrance was. And I was like, Oh, we’re in the wrong place. Like, this is’t it. Where is it? And it was just such an example of that, because it was literally like, right there. We just had to like, open our eyes and walk a tiny bit further. And it was right there. But it’s so easy to just be like, Oh, it’s not working. I’m never gonna get there. I’m so far away, we went in the wrong direction.

And to just it like it’s the equivalent in business. Like, we do things where it’s basically like, Okay, well, I’m just gonna order another Uber, it has to be a different driver. That was the wrong one. Gotta be a different one probably have to use a different navigation app. Am I going to drive the opposite direction? Instead of being like, I’m so like, just tuning into, like, what if it was true that I’m really close? And okay, yep, it’s right there.

But we had to really trust and you were talking about like with this internal GPS that sometimes when we think we know how it’s going to unfold, that we don’t listen to that guidance. And sometimes it’s when like, we’re in a situation where we are really letting go of the how, like in that situation. I wasn’t like, oh, take a left up here. I had no idea. But if it was navigating around Brisbane, I’m like, if I have an Uber driver, I’m like, oh, no, I think we should go this way. Or I’m like, I’m not trusting the guidance they have, because I think I know better. And so would you mind speaking to that a little bit in terms of trusting like, it’s been a theme throughout this, you have been practicing and developing a lot of self trust.

And I think we really have to create a lot of emotional safety to be able to trust ourselves. And it’s a practice and something that we like, tune into. And yeah, I just love you to talk about that a little bit. Because that to me, like I still remember it so clearly, it was just so profound when like, we just had that experience. And we were talking about all of this kind of stuff that we’re chatting about now. And you’re like, Oh, like this ride when you hit and it was just like, oh, like it’s exactly that. So yeah. Anything you’d like to say about that? I’m all ears.

Lou Niestadt
Yeah, because that really is so helpful for me to keep realizing that the way it works that way and especially what you said like you being so close, you have no idea how close you really are, you have no idea. For me, it’s really helpful to have to use this all the time. And I now I also I also like I use it in real time as well with my GPS. I will put my GPS on even if I know where I have to go. Because it might tell me another way because I had exactly the same thing. It’s easier if you don’t know where you’re going.

If I drive somewhere where I’ve never been, I will put on my GPS and I will just follow it and trust it and I will get there and knowing that that is actually helpful in everything else on these places that I kind of know, but not certain. I will use my GPS and it will, like, Oh yeah, I’m right here. But now also use it when I know where to go. Because sometimes it will just give me another direction. Because and every same thing as what you said, every time.

I think none of that, and I better go right here is like, this is like a ridiculous choice, why would it go left here, only to just end up in a traffic jam or car accident or something has happened, why that route was not the best way to go. So for me, it is it is taking a quantum leap into faith, just to trust your GPS, I get it the best answers with my pen, to just write about it and get everything on the page, it will just, it is incredible what will come up on the page.

And yeah, and meditation, or like, just instead of like, visualizing all the time this really open to receive, you will get your GPS will tell you where you are where what the next step is, it’s just in that, and that will show up in the form of aha, have an Eureka. And that’s a good idea. And those thoughts are on these high frequencies. When you get yourself into the state of joy or into the state of freedom, then there is where all these like our hearts are these thoughts that you know this, like the the million dollar ideas, it’s all on these high frequencies. But you have to slow down to receive them.

Sam Laura Brown
Yeah, and I think it just makes me think of so many things. I just this is why it’s we always decided the best time when Jack’s like end this end this. But like in PGSD, I teach power planning, it is really a tool to help you get in touch with your internal GPS, is there anything you’d say about, I’m just curious about this, like following your own GPS versus someone else’s. Because I think and going back to what we talked about was like procrasti-learning and all of that, that it can be easy to supplement our GPS with the one that someone else is giving us and saying you should do this. And you should do that.

And that was like their GPS and what worked for them based on like the location they were at when they started and their destination that they were aiming for. And then we can kind of take that and be like, Okay, I need to do it exactly the same way. And it can sound like and someone might be thinking like, well, you know, I’m just following this process that whatever someone’s taught me, I’m going to trust it. And I think that part of it is like being willing to try something and experiment with it. But also something that you’re constantly doing no is just really checking in with yourself and how it sits with you.

And I love how you were saying about it’s getting in touch with like, how am I feeling not because I should be feeling good, but just like, how am I feeling? And then not just be like, Oh, well I feel bad about it. Okay, I’m not gonna do that. But like getting curious about it. Like, oh, like what thought, am I thinking? Is there a believable thought I could think instead that feels better and like all of that kind of stuff.

And it’s so important that we are connected to how we’re feeling and that we practice that and yes, we can take, you know, guidance and lessons and all that kind of stuff from others, but also like having a way to and a practice to check it against how we’re actually feeling and what our own spin on things is and that kind of thing. Is there anything that you would say around that and like having to be your GPS versus someone else’s?

Lou Niestadt
Yeah, that’s very that’s a very good question because we are very prone to follow somebody else’s GPS. The sort of the way they got somewhere, which is, and that is when you go back to human design that was very helpful for me too, especially being a projector and being a mental projector and being a mental projector only being like 3% of the population that gave me so much information about why I never resonated with so many advice, business advice, or otherwise, because that was done by manifesting generators, generators, they have a completely different energy than I do.

So that was very helpful for me to to learn more about. And you can feel it is something, you know, when your strike where it’s if the minute you feel like you’re striving, you have to check in with yourself, because that will give you information about what am I actually striving for? It is something and we do all this step. And this is, you know, when you do all the steps all the time, and you do exactly how they tell you and teach you how to do it, and you still don’t have the results, or you have the results that are good sometimes, and then it’s when it’s not consistent when it’s not.

Or when it doesn’t give you a good feeling. Once you achieve then, and I think for me, what is really good practice is I track and trace everything all the… I track and trace all the proof in my own life that it is working, the things are working out for me. So I will track and trace all the AHA that I had like the miracles, I will check in trace that I had green lights everywhere, I will check in trays that I like everything I need from the grocery store, everything is like buy one and get one free or everything is like that is also money.

If I want to create more money in my life. That is I have to track and trace those things as well like to see actually where I’m all supported by the universe all the time. And by doing that, by looking for everything that’s already working in my life, it will give you the proof what is working and that will give you so much joy, because you will see it is all the small things. And by doing that you will attract the bigger things. So you don’t actually have to do that much. So you don’t really have to do that much.

I think it’s a good idea to check in with yourself. Why are you following certain people? Why are you what is it that inspires you about them? Because here’s what I what I think you if you know what your destination is. And for me, it’s better to again, it’s better to my destination to be in a feeling or a frequency. That’s something that I want because I will get in my own way because I will start striving for things that do not really make me happy.

So for me it is and it’s more enjoyable, because what will show up is like more amazing than what I can think of. But it’s like why do you want to have what you’re after? Why do you want to go where you want to go? What is there what do you think is there that you don’t have in your life right now. Because that is why we want to go there.

We want to experience something. We want to have something. We want to create something to because you think you want to find out for yourself, what is the essence of what you want to create or what you want to have. The essence is more is most of the time is a feeling. You want to feel a certain way you want to be more free, you want to feel more joy, you want to feel more loved, you want The essence is what is underneath the longing. And if you go for the essence of what you want to go then it will pull you there.

Because if you just go for what you want, then your own way will show up to get there. So you can use where people have gone before you like what inspires you, you can use their end goal but you have to find your own way to get there. Because if you start following all the steps and it’s very logical that that everybody is sharing the way they got there. Because that is how they got there. So it is true for them. It is it is at to true for them, this is how they got there. But the chance that it also works for you is not so big, because they’re not you, you’re not them.

Sam Laura Brown
And they got there, not by following what someone else had done, but by finding their own way and maybe taking inspiration or ideas in from someone else and mixing that with their own wisdom. But I think it’s so important as well to just talk about, when you say like about, like, you know, taking it a second to figure out why you’re striving towards something and what you want to strive towards, I think it’s important to make sure it’s knowing that that doesn’t mean to just stop doing anything at all.

And we can talk about I’d love to chat about input output and no input. And there’s definitely a time and place for that I’m obviously I teach clean rest and a lot of time for that. But I think what can happen then is that becomes we were thinking about in a certain way, an invitation to hide, and to stop doing things. And I have found for me, at least it’s how I have figured out what goals I really want to be working towards. And I’m still on the journey of figuring that out.

But for me, what’s really helped is aiming for something, pursuing it checking in with myself along the way. And like, it’s in the process of going after that I didn’t have any clarity on it, when I wasn’t doing things and I was just like kind of intellectualizing and thinking like oh, I, you know, I want to know exactly what I want. And know that I have really clean reasons that I love for it before I even start to pursue something that for me, it’s been pursuing goals, and then paying attention to the journey and how I feel about the pursuit of it and the feeling when I get there.

And the thoughts I’m having when I get there and to just be willing to not just sit and meditate on it for because I just know that some people listening will be like, Oh, great, this isn’t a great time for me to just spend a bit more time learning and researching and pondering what I should do with my life or what I what’s really important to me. And for me, at least, I have best figured that out when I’ve been in motion. And I love how you talked about how to get the GPS walking, you need to be driving.

And yes, we want a destination in the GPS, but the GPS, like isn’t going to do anything until we start driving. So is there anything you’d say to that to just so that I’m just cautious that if someone’s listening to this, like, Great, I’m just gonna like hide out because I’ve been scared of showing up and going after this thing. And maybe I don’t really want it. So I’m just going to not try at all and just like get super clear. So what would you say to that? If someone’s like, I just want more clarity before I start doing anything?

Lou Niestadt
Yeah, I think there is a difference between action and inspired action. And the biggest word in law of attraction is action. So without moving, there is no guidance, because I can’t even like use my steering wheel if I can’t move my wheels, if I’m standing still. So you can go about it two ways. This is why just regular action, there’s nothing wrong with action just by going your GPS will tell you that you have to readjust your position. And it’s very well possible that just by going, it will tell you that you’re going the wrong way.

Because the going is usually in the way that we think that we have to go. Because that is what we’ve been taught. That is what we’ve been reading. That’s what we’ve been learning. So I think okay, I’d take this next step. And then by tuning in all the time, you have to know. And this is why it is so interesting, because there’s nothing wrong with all these thoughts and feelings that we have, because they all give us information about where we are on this journey of life with ourselves.

And if you just curious to what you’re thinking, and to figure out why you’re thinking these things, all these limiting beliefs that will come up if you start having goals if you start having like great destinations into your GPS, then all these limiting beliefs will come up. This is why they’re here. So this you don’t have to go look for all the things that our limiting beliefs, but they will come up the minute you want to manifest something because it will tell you why you think you can’t have it or why that’s not for you or why that is impossible or why that is hard.

All these things you want to just be mindful of what am I thinking, why am I thinking that and where will that will not bring me to my destination because if I want to go to the destination my future self does not have all these thoughts and feelings because she’s already there. So she could only only get there without those limiting beliefs. So like just looking at the limiting beliefs and why you have them.

And for me, what I found out was what was really, I was surprised about this, I always thought I have limiting beliefs on success and money and all these things, which I probably have limiting beliefs of everything. But I figured out that my biggest limiting belief is that I have limiting beliefs. That was because I found out that I wanted to have the success and the money and all these things that I created as proof that I can work with the law of attraction that other people will think I’m capable of teaching them.

Because if I don’t have like the seven figure business, or I don’t have all these things, then how are they going to like think that I can actually teach them something? Because you can create everything right? You can display everything. So if I’m not there, how will they trust me? Was the actual reason why I wanted to create it, instead of because I also thought, but why do I really want that? Why is that? If I want to live a simple life, why do I need all that money? Why do I need to have the seven figure business? What’s wrong with the six figure business? Why like, and now the seven figure business has to be the eight figure business because it’s only seven figures.

Like, go get bigger and more and but I figured that, um, that was I had a hidden agenda, to want to create things. And that is what I find very interesting is what is the real reason why you wanting something? And by just letting that goes like, oh, I want it to be taken seriously. I want it to be thought of as capable or it was all in proof that I know what I’m talking about. And that was the very wrong reason to want to create something.

Sam Laura Brown
Yeah. And what’s so interesting, like what’s going on for me, as I’m hearing you say all of that is that, that with all of that being true, it doesn’t mean that we then just don’t have money goals, or that we do it’s like not necessarily one or the other. But what was really interesting for me on my own journey is that probably similar to you probably similar to pretty much anyone that’s listening is that the 10k month was like, on this pedestal of like, I just had this 10k month, and then I had it and I felt the same.

Oh, well, if it’s a six figure year, and then I had it and I felt the same. And I’m still working towards a monetary goal. And I’m, I mean, I’m sure at some points in the day, I’m like, Oh, I’ll feel better when I get that. But I’m at this point, like I’ve had that experience in my body of like really believing that it was like, glitter would suddenly be on everything. And it wasn’t until like, I think for a lot of like, I don’t know, some people might be more enlightened. But for most of us, we have to like, experience that firsthand to really get it. And I still have a financial goal for the business.

And it doesn’t mean that we have to do away with monetary goals. But I think it’s so important what you were saying about like checking in with them. And I think before we started recording, you’re like, we can chat about anything, because don’t ask me business advice, which is just so laughable, because you have so much wisdom to share. And it’s so like, it’s just also applicable to business. And it’s just so funny that you said that. But I think like you said it because you haven’t taken this, like conventional approach to business.

And that’s exactly why I wanted to talk to you is because you have really been an example of trusting yourself. And like you mentioned with social media, like you left social media, then you went back and then you left and now it looks kind of different and like you’re willing to update your decisions. And this is something I’ve heard you talk about on your podcast. I’m not sure if we’ve had an in person chat, I feel like we have but being willing to make a decision and to stand by that decision. And then if new information comes along, or a new feeling comes along, to change that decision and update it and not make yourself wrong, like your past self wrong.

Is there anything you’d say to that in terms of being willing to decide something and trust yourself? Because I think that’s something that when it comes to decision so that we don’t trust ourselves because we’re like pre empting, that our future self is going to beat us up if it’s the wrong decision, and that there’s this right and wrong. And then once a decision is made it’s final. But I love how you’ve spoken about, you can make a decision like to leave social media, and then you can decide to go back, and then you can decide to leave again. And that like no version of you was wrong in the decisions that you made. So how do you think about decisions when it comes to that?

Lou Niestadt
I love a Maya Angelou quote, “Do the best you can until you know better. If you know better, you do better”. It is. This is where you are. This is what you know, right now, it is something that I’ve even brought up my children that ways like, you know, I am the mom in this life. I have not done this before, as long as I as far as I can tell. So I have to find out along the way. And this is what we think is the best way to go for us as a family, too. If you have another idea, please share with me because I’m learning as we go as well.

And it could very well be that I read something tonight or learn something else. And I think oh my god, you guys, we’ve been dealing with all the wrong, we’re going to do something differently. And then again, and then again, and then again. And we’ll we’ll just go and see what happens and see what we know and see what works and what what doesn’t work. And can we change? And that is how I have been approaching the upbringing of my children. This is how I teach in school, this is how I choose my own steps all the time choose, again, is something that is really helpful to me just choose again, choose again, choose again.

Sam Laura Brown
It just takes the pressure off, like when you just can choose again, then it’s safe to choose because you can choose again. And I think it also helps us like you need to choose again, less often, because you’re willing to make a decision and to commit to it. And a lot of times like I think we feel like we need to make a different decision because we didn’t even commit to the first decision fully. So it felt like that hasn’t worked.

And we’ve been paying attention to what’s not working versus what is and all these things that it’s almost like second guessing and wishy washyness, and when we can choose like with having self trusting in ourselves and being willing to then choose again, knowing that we might or might not do that. It just removes that. Like I have to get it right kind of pressure that it just has been incredible. As a friend of yours to witness you choose and choose again, like every single thing that you have spoken about. I have seen you live like you’re not just talking about it.

And like the reason I think that we started having these conversations was because I could see you living it. And I was like tell me more about this. Show me your journal. And like there’s so many incredible things we haven’t even had time to talk about like your little mini tiny journal it like folds out into this incredible like, you’re such an artist and the way you express yourself and your ideas. It’s just so compelling to me. And there’s 50 things that I wanted to cover. And like when you mentioned parenting. I was like, oh, I want to talk about all that too. But I think we’ll need to wrap up.

Lou Niestadt
Can I say what because of what you just said?

Sam Laura Brown
Yeah, please.

Lou Niestadt
I think this is really true for everybody. Once you start living it for yourself, and you’re doing it for yourself. And that will make you feel good about what you’re doing. Other people will come over to you and ask you, what are you doing? How come you’re so happy? Or how come this… You will pull them the right people to work through I think as same as in business, we are trying to reach people. But we have to just it’s not so much about your visibility it’s it’s so much more about your feel ability, how you feel that it is energy, you will radiate a certain energy and that will attract the right people for you. You don’t even admit it. You don’t have to do that much. You have to be in alignment with who you are. And you will actually pull them towards you.

Sam Laura Brown
Would you mind talking about being a firefly? We know we had a conversation about it. Would you quickly mind sharing that?

Lou Niestadt
Fireflies. They are they don’t go anywhere did just where they are where they are they shine their light. And by shining their light other fireflies will find them and join them and shine their light and altogether they will just go bigger and bigger and bigger and they will all shine their light and they’re not going anywhere did just like being attracted to and like and they are not like trying to outshine somebody else just like with being in that light.

Everybody’s in their own light, but they will just come together and grow and grow bigger and grow bigger, and will shine their light even more brightly, because they get more and more visible because everybody by themselves is shining their light. And that is what I really loved about there’s like being… This is why it’s so nice to be with like minded people to have like, this is why you don’t have to be afraid of somebody else who’s doing the same thing as you are. Because you will get more attraction. Because it is the light is getting bigger and bigger.

You’re all part everybody’s their own Firefly. And but you’re all part of these fireflies where we’re so many more fireflies than we think. And we all need each other to like find each other and be together and learn from each other and see and still be your own Firefly. Be the way you are being lit up. And that is thing, I think the most important thing what lights you up? And what do you really want to do right now it’s checking moment by moment, instead of just like pushing forward.

Or like maybe you feel like you want to take a nap or take a walk or do something else. So I think it’s very good. What you say about clean rest is absolutely it’s so important to just be instead of like, to all the time, it’s more and it’s also more about who you want to be. First is what you want to have. I think that is a big that made a big difference for me as well. Who do I want to be in life? And just doing that being that is actually enough.

This is what the law of attraction does. You follow what you are being pulled toward. You can actually feel it you can feel it in your body. What makes it like, Ah, yes, it is. So like a yes, sometimes it’s really small. Sometimes it’s really big if the really big ones is or are easier to follow. But sometimes it’s like, really tiny feeling or it is or it is a thought that keeps coming up like what actually what I really want to do is dot dot dot.

Sam Laura Brown
Oh like in 10 years this I heard this so many times coaching when it’s like, okay, this is what I’m going to do now. And then in 10 years time, I want to be a yoga teacher or I want to and it’s like, just getting curious, like, why aren’t we doing that sooner, like why and there might sometimes be a legitimate reason for like why that is at a different time. But 99% of the time, like that’s the thing we really want. But we think like first, I need to just check these boxes. So I’m feeling successful, and therefore safe and loved and all these things. And then I can do what I want.

And I love how you’re such an example of like having the courage and the self trust to flip that and to really explore, like going after those things now and not from this place of striving and proving and inadequacy, but really like letting yourself be pulled and receiving and like it being in that kind of energy. So anyway, we need to wrap up, but I need to go pick up Lydia, but I so appreciate you and everything that you have shared in this episode.

And also, for our Dutch speaking listeners, you are in for a treat. Because, Lou has a podcast and most of the episodes are in Dutch. We did manage to sell you on recording some of them around the time that we met recording some in English so I think there are maybe like 10 or 15 or so of your podcasts that are in English but if you do speak Dutch, you will be able to enjoy all the episodes. So would you mind sharing where people can find you as you have mentioned that you have decided not to be like you’re not on Instagram and Tiktok get all the places so where can people learn more about you and get more of this message?

Lou Niestadt
My website louniestadt.com. And also my Instagram feed is still up my publisher is once in a while she will update some stuff but that is all in Dutch. So but the thing is, it’s all energy. And that is it doesn’t even matter what language we speak it’s like it’s an it’s such a joy that I can just talk to you in English about these things. And I mean this alone a year in Australia, I’m in Holland, we can we are able to talk to each other with all these like this internet thing, all these things that we can see but we know that they are there and that is I mean this all by itself is a miracle. And that is, I will track and trace you into my journal.

Sam Laura Brown
Yes.

Lou Niestadt
You too, I love it, this has been such a joy.

Sam Laura Brown
And what’s the name of your podcast for anyone who does speak Dutch, or wants to listen to the English episode?

Lou Niestadt
In the pocket podcast.

Sam Laura Brown
We’ll link it up.

Lou Niestadt
And there’s also a Joyride to Freedom playlist that goes with that, because every episode, I start with a song that reminds me of what I want to talk about something like that. Yeah.

Sam Laura Brown
And that is such an example. Just by the way, I just wanted to mention that on your episodes, you start with like playing a little song. And then maybe, like 20 seconds. And then like, if you know, if this episode had a jingle, it would be this and then you play it. And when we’re at the Bali retreat, and I think it was at the end of the retreat, we all spoke about someone else. And you did that you will like, you know, if this person had a jingle, it would be this in for eat, like for the people you spoke about you pick like a theme song that kind of like, captured them.

And just again, such an example of like, you’re not just you don’t just do things for show, they obviously, as you mentioned, you’ve had your own journey with like, figuring out what feels true to you and what doesn’t, but it’s just so incredible to witness like you doing things in private, the same way that you do them in public. And before as well, when you were talking about, you know, finding the lesson and, and really being able to, like, there’s a 50-50, where, you know, there are things that happen that we don’t want them to happen that way.

And you can choose how to look at it. But I think sometimes that can sound very Pollyanna and like, oh, you know, just take the lesson from everything. But having witnessed, like, I’ve seen your journal, and I remember you showing me the entry, I think it was one of your friends who’d passed and it was like all like black and like it like you’re someone who feels your feelings. It’s not like, Oh, here’s a lesson in that and all of that you’re like, you’re willing to feel the feelings.

And that’s why you get the lesson and why you’re able to express it and be connected with and I just, it’s so I don’t know if inspiring is the right word like it’s just so gravitational. And I just, yeah, I just love seeing you live like that. It just really has me feeling more connected to myself to see you live that way. So thank you so much for that. I’m so grateful for you and your friendship. And I hope I talk to you soon. I’m sure I will. And thank you so much for being on the podcast.

Lou Niestadt
Oh, you are so welcome. And thank you so much for the invitation. I love talking to you.

Sam Laura Brown
I hope you enjoyed that interview with my dear friend Lou. Isn’t she amazing? She just has so much to share. And I know we only got to bottle up a little bit of it for this episode. But I really hope that it has resonated with you. And something that I just wanted to speak to is the kind of gold paradox that we talked about in this episode. And I also just love that so much of what we shared, like it all, is really what we do inside PGSD. And I know that if you’re a PGSDer, you have listened to that being like, yep, that’s what we do.

And power planning is really such an incredible tool to do the work that Lou and I talked about in this episode to really have a tool that will help you to figure out what really feels right for you. That’s something we talked about a lot in this episode about not just blindly following what everyone else is doing. But being able to learn from others, whilst also having the ability to trust yourself and to be able to discern when something is for you. And when it isn’t knowing that sometimes something that is for you might not feel good in the moment.

And I love how we really spoke to, you know, checking in with how you’re feeling without judgment. And then if you aren’t feeling in some kind of positive way about something to just investigate further like, Oh, is it just because of the way I’m thinking about it? Which it is because as she mentioned, our thoughts create our feelings. So is there another thought that I could have that would help me feel better about this? Do I want to feel better about this thing?

Like it’s just so powerful, to be able to have a tool like power planning, that really helps you to get in touch with yourself and what works for you and gives you an entry point into doing the work that we talked about in this episode. So I just wanted to mention that if you have been listening to this, and you are thinking, well how do I do all of this? This is what we do in PGSD and this is why I was so so grateful I am so so grateful to be able to have Lou on the podcast, I just knew that she would be able to really speak to so much of what I already talked about here on the podcast and just say it in a different way and add different stories to it and different experiences, and to really have it land with you in a way that it might not have landed with you before.

But with this gold paradox, I just wanted to kind of underline the discussion we had around that and just kind of elaborate on a tiny bit. Because it is so powerful, to have goals. And to know how, when you achieve the goal, it is not going to change the way that you feel. And it’s still worth pursuing a goal. And to know that both of those things, I mean, I just mentioned three things, but the pursuit of a goal and knowing that you’re going to not necessarily like feel any better when you get there, like life is 50-50 when you’re here 50 percent positive and negative emotion, roughly speaking, and the same way you get to the goal, and it’s still worth pursuing.

And I love how Lou talks about the analogy of driving. And that’s something that I really resonate with, I think so many things that it comes to personal development relate back to either driving or like hiking and mountain. But when it comes to driving, to really just think about it in the sense that, as Lou was saying that if you don’t have a destination, and you aren’t able to direct your focus, like the first step in manifesting in achieving anything is to have that Northstar to have that intention to have that focus.

And we want to be careful with that in the sense that we don’t want to then tell ourselves this story, that we’re going to feel so much better when we get there. So it’s okay if we feel like shit the entire way there. Because once we get there, we’ll finally feel good. We’II finally feel like we’re good enough and lovable and all of those things. But we want to have that destination and something that I was thinking about after this interview wrapped up. And just before I was recording, this was about how sometimes people especially perfectionist will say it’s just so stressful working towards a goal, especially a big goal.

Like in PGSD, we have a growth goal. So that’s a goal, set a bit above what you currently believe is possible for yourself. And it’s easy to think it’s stressful. It’s so much pressure, like wouldn’t it be better to just work on my business and focus on feeling good and focus on like, feeling joyful and free and all the things we were talking about. And can’t that be enough? And I think that it’s so interesting that we just kind of go into an all or nothing about it, like it’s so much pressure to have a goal and to have a deadline and all of this, I’m just going to have nothing at all.

And it makes you think about with driving this analogy. It’s just like saying it’s so stressful to drive. So I’m just going to still drive around, but I’m just going to aimlessly drive around, and just kind of you know, cruise about and isn’t just enough to just enjoy cruising around. And maybe it is. But also my guess is if you resonate with what I share on this podcast, you love feeling challenged. And even though at times, you don’t want to feel challenged. You don’t want that to be obstacles. You don’t want them to be setbacks. You want to achieve the goal. You don’t want to be that hard.

But at the same time, you feel fulfilled when you set yourself a challenge and you rise to the occasion. And we can’t feel that fulfillment if we haven’t challenged ourselves, if we haven’t got a destination in mind. And really what we’re doing inside PGSD is we are setting that growth goal, which is specific, which is monetary, which does have a deadline. And we are learning how to drive towards that goal.

And to do it in a way that doesn’t feel pressured or stressful, and to be able to do that without having to abandon the goal, without being all or nothing about it. And this is why as with the growth goal and with power planning it’s so powerful because you have to release your perfectionism handbrake at least a bit in order to make progress with that goal in order to do to get to the destination and again with the car analogy and the handbrake that like yes, you can drive somewhere with the handbrake on, but you’re probably not going to be able to drive a very long distance.

And if you do, it’s going to be very frustrating that it’s so much easier to drive without that handbrake on, but the work we’re doing is learning how to feel safe. With that handbrake off, because we’re so used to going at this slower pace. With the handbrake on, it feels safe to do that, because we’re so familiar with it. And it feels like, well, if I release his handbrake like, will I be able to handle it?

Like will I be able to control everyone’s feelings about me and my feelings about me, and what am I achieve, and all these different things that we’re like, we’ve had so much experience with achievement and the handbrake on, that we’ve made this false association that the handbrake was the, like, what caused, what we achieved was what caused the success when we actually achieved it despite that.

And so when we have that false connection there, it then starts to feel unsafe to release at handbrake. And so what we’re doing inside PGSD is learning how to really sit with that paradox that we talked about in this episode, about being able to have goals, without making it mean that you’re going to be a better person when you get there. But to be able to have those goals as a tool for exploration, that for that GPS to work for you to be able to get guidance as to what works for you, and what doesn’t work for you that you need to have a destination and you need to start driving.

And I spoke to Lou in this about, you know, when someone says things, such as that you need to really figure out what’s important to you what your goals are, that I know. But there is a chance that you might hear that kind of thing. And think, amazing, I’m just going to take a beat. And I’m going to get some clarity. And I just, as I mentioned with Lou earlier, I just want to make sure that you know, that clarity comes from taking action.

And taking action requires courage, and clarity and courage. They go hand in hand. If you’re lacking clarity, you’re currently lacking courage, not because it’s not available to you, but you just haven’t been practicing accessing that. So that’s what I want to leave this episode with. Just that reminder, that clarity comes through taking action. And we have big goals, not because we need them in order to be worthy, and lovable.

And not because we like not because of all those different reasons that we would pursue a goal, it’s going to be different for all of us those reasons we have and also to know that it’s also still human to have goals that you want to achieve. And to kind of know that subconsciously, maybe there’s something else going on there. And that’s okay, that is totally okay. That we can have those goals. And they’re not going to define us, but it’s still worth having them.

And I know as I was reflecting on, when I was in my first few years of entrepreneurship, I started my blog in 2013, that I didn’t have a goal. And I was so in my own way. And having a clear goal, like a growth goal would have been so helpful, so revealing, so uncomfortable, and so helpful. And I was just, oh, well, it’s too stressful to be trying to drive somewhere particular in a certain timeline. So I’m just going to drive around and drive around.

Maybe I’m going to read the car manual again, and just read another map and see how someone else took this journey and do all these different things to just drive and drive and drive or want to be driving. But I don’t want to be stressed. I’m not going to really aim anywhere. And once I really started to understand the importance of having a goal.

And then once I got that and I started achieving things in terms of the business and really got that, okay, it’s important to have goals and it’s important to remember that the goal is not going to make me feel different when I get there, that it’s my thoughts that create that. And I’m still gonna have a goal because it’s such an incredible tool. So yeah, I hope that has helped. I just wanted to really share that because it’s such a powerful thing to be able to sit with and hold space for a paradox.

And we discussed quite a few of them in this episode, but particularly around goal setting and having big goals. And really just allowing yourself to have a goal without the pressure of getting there. But still being willing to be specific, enjoying the journey and doing the courageous things and letting it be easy. Like it’s all of that. It’s all of that.

So again, I hope you have enjoyed this episode, I highly recommend going to Lou’s podcast the, In The Pocket Podcast, and listening to her episodes. She just has so much more to share what we were able to get to in this episode, and if you could relate and resonate with Lou, I just really want to encourage you to go and learn more from her. So with that said, I hope you’re having a beautiful day and I will talk to you in the next episode.

If you enjoyed this podcast, I invite you to sign up to receive a short, daily “Perfectionist Power-Up” from me. These are little notes and reminders that will help you plan properly as a perfectionist and get out of your own way. So you can go to samlaurabrown.com/power to sign up today and you’ll start receiving motivating Perfectionist Power Ups this week.

Author: Sam Brown