Podcast

Episode 425: Why Lowering Your Goals Isn’t The Answer

As a perfectionist it’s hard to imagine a world where you’re successful without having put a huge amount of pressure on yourself too. We attribute our drive and accomplishments to the way we urge ourselves to do more and do better. Which begs the question – how do you stop putting pressure on yourself without giving up on your goals? And that’s what I’m answering in this episode.

I’m also sharing a personal recording that I never planned to release on this podcast. It was recorded in October 2021 when I was feeling suffocated by the pressure and expectations I was putting on myself. I hope that by me sharing it it reminds you that we all go through ups and downs. And that you’re not failing, you’re feeling.

Find the full episode transcript and show notes at samlaurabrown.com/episode425.

In This Episode You’ll Learn:

  • Why I thought lowering my goals would help me feel less pressure
  • What I struggle with in my business
  • Why it’s worth questioning your conclusion that you should change your goal

Featured In The Episode:

Announcement: PGSD is open for enrollment for one week only

My 12-month group coaching program Perfectionists Getting Shit Done (aka PGSD) will teach you how to plan properly as a perfectionist and get out of your own way. If you struggle to consistently market your business and put yourself out there, PGSD is for you! The doors to PGSD will open on 10 December 2023 for one week only. To find out more about the program and be the first to know when the doors open, join the waitlist today: samlaurabrown.com/pgsd.

Listen To The Episode

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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Introduction

Hi and welcome to another episode of The Perfectionism Project. A podcast full of perfectionism advice for entrepreneurs. My name is Sam Laura Brown, I help entrepreneurs release their perfectionism handbrake, so they can get out of their own way and build a fulfilling and profitable business. I’m the founder of the Perfectionist Getting Shit Done group coaching program, which is otherwise known as PGSD. And for even more perfectionism advice to help you with your business. You can follow me on Instagram @perfectionismproject.

Sam Laura Brown

Okay, so before I get into what this episode actually is, I want to share that this morning, I have been putting together, what is going to be coming out on the podcast over the next quarter. I really feel that and I don’t know if you’ve noticed it. But in the last few months, particularly, I have just not been showing up as fully as I normally would be for the podcast. And I just feel like I just haven’t been doing it the way that I know how to do it and love doing it. And I’ve just kind of been in the thick of the postpartum period, having had the twins earlier this year. And having Lydia as well, who’s my two year old, but just kind of bead in this period of fatigue.

And really also, I would say, just like a full blown identity crisis of trying to get my feet planted on the ground and just feel like, who am I now and what is my life now and just navigating that, and I’ve had coaching and support doing that. And just in this last week, like literally the last few days, I’ve finally, I don’t even finally that such a like perfectionist way to talk about it, I am feeling like myself, again, I am feeling committed and clear. And like I’m just able to start showing up fully. Again. And I will talk about this more as well in the launch debrief episode that’s going to be coming up very soon on the podcast, about how I feel like a lot of our strategy as a business, when it has come to marketing has been accommodating my unwillingness to show up.

And I’m not saying that in a way to be cruel to myself. But in my mind, like, I just I wasn’t committed, but I was also feeling like I was but then pushing things off and not recording new episodes, and just different things like that. So I just feel like I’m in this period now where I can show up again, I have the capacity and the ability and the desire to be doing that. And so this morning, when I was brainstorming about the topics I want to talk about on the podcast, I’m really excited to be sharing with you a whole heap of practical tools, advice around obviously perfectionism, the growth, mindset, productivity, getting out of your own way in your business.

And really, in a way, returning to the kind of content and podcast episodes that I was creating, in like 2018 2019 2020, I feel like once I started thinking about getting pregnant in 20, my mind just shifted over into this mode of, I need to prepare the business to be able to operate without me there in the day to day. And I stopped really putting a lot of energy into creative content ideas, or just different things like that, because I just went into this mode of like, I must prepare my first baby for business, to be able to, you know, be out in the world without me being there every single day.

So it’s almost like now I feel like having her Lydia having had Jack and James just being in the place I am mentally, I feel like I have just tested through that experience, like what my desires are around the business. And I feel confident now that even if we have another child, that I’m still going to be wanting to be involved in the business. And that desire isn’t going to go away, which I thought like maybe it will when I have kids that I don’t know exactly what things are going to look like. And then especially like now having three kids, I really don’t know what that will look like and like, what that postpartum period will be like and everything like that. But now I just feel like I am able to be in a space of like, I want to be involved in the business in a way that I had previously been before.

And just really creating the highest quality content, not in terms of like how polished it is, or anything like that. I’m still recording without things being edited out ums and ahhs and me losing my train of thought. And I’m still just sitting here with a microphone in my hand at no fancy setup. But I want to really create episodes again that are going to be so valuable and practical, and does really help you feel seen and understood. And also just give you the tools to actually get out of your own way and release your perfectionism handbrake, and not that I don’t feel like the last few years of episodes have been helpful.

There are so many I’m proud of and so many people who listen who have told me about specific episodes they love that have been created in that time period. But I just feel like I’ve turned a corner or like I’m in a new phase in a new season of the business. And so I just wanted to share that in case maybe you are on the precipice of one or maybe you have just entered a new season of business. But it’s just been helpful for me to really see it as like this is a new season. And I’m, it’s just helping me show up in a different way. And the way I want to be showing up instead of me kind of just seeing it as this long, gradual thing.

I don’t know if that makes sense. But just kind of having chapters of the business in my mind. And being able to like close a certain chapter and open a new one has just felt really liberating and empowering. So I wanted to share that I wanted to share about how the stuff that’s coming on the podcast is going to be amazing. And I haven’t recorded it yet like but I feel like just from the energy I’m in in the way that I’m thinking again, about the concepts and the tools and everything like that, that I know, if you enjoy listening to this podcast already, you’re definitely going to love the episodes that are coming up.

So if you haven’t subscribed, definitely hit that subscribe button. And if there is anything that you’re wanting to hear about, on the podcast, any particular topics you’d like me to talk about any problems you’re having with overthinking or procrastination, or burnout or anything like that, then send me a DM on Instagram, that’s probably going to be the best way to let me know I’m @perfectionismproject, I would truly love to hear from you. And also if you want to share, like what your favorite episode has been that super helpful. And if you haven’t left a review yet, and you want to share it that way, then I invite you to do that.

I would love you to do that. So with this episode of what this episode actually is, it’s a recording from my personal library of recordings that I have that sometimes I go through periods where I’m recording myself talking through things as if it’s a podcast episode, because that helps me to articulate and therefore see my thoughts and just have a level of clarity that I don’t if those thoughts are just swimming around in my mind, or if I’m journaling because I can talk a lot faster than I can write. And also just, I don’t know, just as someone who has recorded too many podcast episodes, I can just kind of like go into this flowy zone, and really just see a problem in a way that is clarifying for me.

So in 2021 I recorded about 15 personal episodes if we want to call it that, about human design and me experimenting with human designs I’m a 2-4 emotional projector, if you don’t know about human design around Episode 300, I did an episode and this would probably this episode was released around the time this recording I’m sharing today is recorded. So episode I think it’s 300 around there is how I’m using human design to get out of my own way. And then I interviewed Milli and Aditi in the two episodes following that, about specifics regarding human design and perfectionism. And those episodes have so many downloads.

And if you’re interested in human design, or you don’t know what it is, and you want to find out more, then I highly recommend listening to those episodes. Because I don’t know it’s just I find it interesting and helpful. And it resonates with me. And I love a bit of like woowoo manifestation vibes in my toolkit. And so human design is one of those things. So I recorded about 15 episodes of me just chatting through like, understanding like the emotional waves and noticing that or different things like that. And so this one that I’m sharing with you, I never plan to share, I feel embarrassed to share, I also feel like maybe it won’t actually be helpful is me sharing a recording of myself, when I’m really not feeling great about things is not going to be helpful for anyone.

But I know what’s most personal is most universal. And when I have shared things that feel embarrassing, it tends to be helpful. That’s the feedback I get. And so especially since the last episode two was about what to do when you’re feeling bad, and you’re feeling like things aren’t working. And that episode was recorded from being in that coach, coach, coach, teacher, whatever mode and I just wanted to share me like being in that, hopefully just if it’s helpful for you to know and be reminded that everyone else including if you are working towards having a business like mine is currently in terms of revenue and things like that, that we like to think when we get to a certain place that we won’t ever feel behind anymore.

We won’t ever feel like things aren’t working or we’ll stop putting pressure on ourselves and I talk about that in this recording. Specifically it’s a lot about the expectations I put on myself but I hope that by me sharing about my experience and like me sharing the recording of me being in the thick of it is helpful at the end I will come back again present day me to let you know what happened after that, because there was a thought error in there that I ended up. Yeah, it’s just I’ll just share about it at the end. But there was something in this recording that really wasn’t sound thinking but felt very compelling. And it’s very common for us perfectionist to have this line of thinking.

So I’ve mentioned about that. But it’s really just me sharing how I’m feeling been sick of myself, basically. And the interesting thing is, a few days ago, I had a very similar kind of experience. And it was in the form of a conversation with Steve and me just feeling like, things aren’t going well. It’s just so funny when I express it and like, let it out. So often, it’s just like, I just needed to verbalize it. And then I can just move on and feel completely different, which is how I do now. But just know that what I’m sharing in this recording those feelings I’ve had again since and those feelings and the realizations, particularly coming out of now and other postpartum period, and I talk about in this recording that like I just had lady up a few months prior, that I have seemed to have a habit of putting a lot of pressure on myself.

And I’m still learning how to not do that. So with that said, I hope this is helpful. And I’ll come back at the end and let you know a few things. And this was also on the back of me in previous recordings before this one, talking about the goal that I had for the PGSD launch that was coming up in January. And just trying to like figure things out and create a belief plan which is like a set of beliefs that I wanted to be thinking about the launch and things like that. So I don’t think you need much more context, but I will let you listen and then come back at the end.

It’s the 24th of October 2021. This is the second time that I’m recording today. And this is just going to be quick. I’ve just put Lydia down for the night and she’s still settling herself. So I’ve just got the monitor here, you might be able to hear the white noise machine in the background. But I’ve just had enough of myself. I am it just really hit me this afternoon. When I was hanging out with Lydia, after a few hours of not really deciding what I wanted to do, even though I talked about on the last episode, I was like, okay, went food shopping, but I felt too tired. Even at the shops with my mask on I just felt like it was like claustrophobic almost with the mask on.

And with Lydia in the carrier, like I just kind of felt like, overwhelmed on my and I haven’t felt that way before, like, was about a mask or about having Lydia in the carrier or both at the same time or anything like that. So it was kind of weird. And I was just kind of like, taking it off quickly and was like, is what is happening? Why do I feel like I can’t breathe. Anyway, that alleviated once I have my mask off. But did the food shopping, came home felt too tired to do cooking. So just was like, Okay, I’m just gonna put the shopping away and chill and like, watch a good documentary.

Then I looked at, like, Googled what to watch. And then I found My Octopus Teacher. And then I started watching and I was like, actually, Steve will probably like this. And it’s meant to be really good. So I will save it. Something we can watch together because I’m always looking for stuff. And then I started watching Mao’s last dancer, because then I’d seen the last dance. And when I searched that, that came up. So I started watching that and I got like half an hour in and I just wasn’t invested. And then I was like, Okay, I watch the last dance, which is about basketball. And I’ve watched a few episodes of that.

And I it’s one of those things. I feel like I’ve just been pushing through watching every now and again because everyone says it’s so great. But I noticed it’s really not taking my interest. So I was like, Okay, why would I keep watch this if I’m not interested in it? But it’s like, I would watch a Disney movie. Anyway, I just didn’t get any kind of satisfaction from that because it was just the equivalent of channels skipping your channel hopping or whatever. And Liddy woke up, I fed her we went for like a play outside and took the picnic mat out in the yard. And her and cotton and I were just chilling. And then yeah, just been hanging out with Lydia since then, just at nighttime routine, bathe her, read her book, fed her again, and I’ve just put it down.

But when I was out in the backyard, I was just like, like, why am I being so fucking hard on myself? Like, why am I still measuring? Basically, my worth, and whether a day is good or not based on productivity, and how much stuff I get done and isn’t just enjoying being with my daughter enough, which is like, then after that, I was like, I have had literally the most productive year of my life. And I could cry saying that like this time last year is when I found out I was pregnant, like a year and a week ago. And I have grown a human my favorite human and birth time. And now she’s three and a half months old.

Why is it just I just feel sick of being so hard on myself. And then tonight when I was changing her nappy, and I was just thinking like my nine year old self want to come back to like these little moments. I won’t get like the business stuff matters but I just feel like I’m not being as present as I want to be for the stuff that really matters because I’ve been so hard on myself so I’m gonna do a belief plan. I still think that’s important but it might look a bit different to what I had expected it to. But I’m just letting anything get done for the rest of this year.

And in January the promotion just be a fucking bonus. I’m just sick of beating out of myself. But it’s so much pressure on myself. I felt like this a few times in the couple of months after Lydia was born. When the fatigue as well, it was definitely a factor in that. But I just felt like, I was putting so much pressure on myself to be not only raising a human being, and doing that for the first time ever, but also, like I was thinking about before with the launch, I’ve just been expecting that, and like wanting to be this person, who can do it all.

And during the business stuff, and doing it better than before, and more effectively than before and more successfully than before. And being fit and healthy. And raising a human, which is the most important thing. And having a loving relationship, at least like a clean house. And just like all the things are, it’s just exhausting. I think the thing that really hit home was, again, when I was changing Lydia and I was thinking about and I was like, I don’t want to teach how to be like, if she sees me paying this hard on myself. Like, what does that teach her? I don’t want to teach her that. I don’t want to teach her that this is the way to be.

And that if you want certain things in life, the only way to get there is to be a bitch to yourself. I don’t want to be a bitch to myself, I don’t want to teach her. I don’t want to do that. So yeah. I felt like it was kind of all leading to this anyway, because I just haven’t gotten the lesson. Like my intention with this experiment. I feel like by the way, recording these things just speeds up the whole process of realizations. Because I’m articulating them. It’s kind of like a coaching session each time. But the point of this experiment was ease and alignment and flow and fun. And then I’ve just gotten so in my head about it all that I’ve just, like, taken all the fun right out of it.

So maybe I will just put that belief plan on hold as well until at least November and see where I’m at then. But oh wait, Lydia’s asleep. Yeah, I just, I think because what would the renovation and as moving like, it makes like I would never expect, like a friend of mine, or anyone to be expecting themselves to do all the things I’m expecting myself to do. And to do it without struggle and without challenge and like it just yeah, I just am letting all of that go. In terms of the expectations, and I don’t want to be like, all or nothing about it. But I’m just letting the business stuff for the rest of this month, November, December, January. Everything I do anything I do is a bonus.

Including the PGSD promotion, including making money. I have enough savings in the business to myself for at least a year. It’s been myself a good way for at least a year. And to keep all the team on everything like that. So I’m just taking officially taking the pressure off myself just releasing the expectations that I have and really letting anything I do be a bonus. And it doesn’t mean I’m not going to aim to do anything because I know I’m not at my best when I’m kind of floating around aimlessly and today just goes to show that like I want to be intentional with my time. That’s when I feel the best. That doesn’t mean I have to be doing business stuff or figuring all that out.

But just being intentional with, Okay, I’m gonna play with Lydia and be there. And then when she’s not being, I’m gonna read a book and be that and like just actually thinking through and deciding and then honoring that decision, instead of just not really making any decisions and jumping around and kind of came to the end of the day and really like, what did I even do? And not even in a productivity sense, but like when I do just decide, this is what I’m doing and let myself be there and just do that. It’s never satisfying. Like, it never feels good. And yeah, I think this do nothing. See, no, one day is a really good test. Oh, no, not test. But like, it’s helping me see, where am I clean rest isn’t so clean. And where there’s work to be done that. And yeah, I just like I had set up things so that I could have the remainder of 2021 off completely if I wanted to.

And then, because there was no expectation to do anything. I wanted to get back into things. And I wanted to get back into things pretty soon after Lydia was born, because there was no expectation, and I really enjoyed doing it. But then as soon as I decided to get back into it, I just heaped all of those expectations on myself, and the fun just went. So yeah, I’m just thinking, like, while I’m saying that about, like the manifestation stuff, and it’s having an expectation, but it’s not this kind of expectation. That kind of expectation for the manifestation side of things is about faith and trust and ease and flow. And that doesn’t mean there’s no challenges and contrasts and all of that, but it just feels like yeah, I’ve just the expectations are just too much to handle.

And I’m glad that that too much, and not just a little bit less than too much. But actually too much, so that I have to think about it in a different way. So yeah, I’m, like, I, I’m still going to work with those parameters that I have about Instagram and that kind of thing, but without the expectation of what it will lead to, because I think that’s why I’m getting so stuck is like what I have to do all that perfectly to be able to get the result I want to get with the promotion. And also just realizing early today, like I’m already setting myself up to feel inadequate, because I know that so with the goal that I have, it would be 500,000 in revenue, which would be a huge, like a quantum leap for me.

And then I’m already thinking, well, that’s not good enough, because the goal is a million, so we’re gonna have to at least repeat that again. So even if I do achieve that goal, it’s not enough, like, What the fuck, like, I am so grateful for all the people who share their revenue and who’ve created that possibility. Truly, truly, truly, truly. And it’s my work now to right size it in terms of how much importance that plays. And this is what I teach as well. It’s not just about like making money for the sake of making money. As I’ve shared my day to day life isn’t going to be any different. It’s just like the ego side of things.

And this idea that unless you have a six figure business, which I have, but now I have it suddenly not enough, unless I have this million dollar business, then it’s not enough. And then I know as soon as I get there, and I will it’ll be okay now it’s multiple, seven figures, or eight figures, or nine or whatever, like it just goes on and on and like, When am I going to get the lesson? I’m ready to get the lesson. So I can stop repeating this pattern. I’m just putting this goal on a pedestal, thinking I’ll feel different when I achieve it. So like resenting the process of getting there then eventually getting there when I do have a moment of insight and this kind of lesson.

I may have a breakthrough when I get there and then I feel the same and then I put another goal on a pedestal and just like how many times do I need to do that? I think I’ve done it enough. I think enough is enough. And I don’t mean that in like a, I wouldn’t be in self pity about it or self deprecating or whatever. Like, the whole point is maybe sick of doing that to myself. And so I just feel like, as I said, like I’ve had the most productive and important year of my life. And I’m just kind of enjoy that. To be grateful for that. And bask in that.

That’s all I have for this update. I don’t know what my next one will be probably tomorrow. I really feel like the emotional wave is like, if you imagine these like, long rolling waves, it’s now like, this kind of storm almost, it doesn’t actually feel like storm in a bad way. But when I think about being in the beach, with the waves, and sometimes they’re like these waves that kind of wash in every now and again. And sometimes it’s just like, when you’re swimming out in the surf, this huge wave comes. And you just kind of craning your neck to look up at how big the wave is, and then dive under it and lay flat against the sand as you hear, like, and feel it thunder over you. And then once it’s calm, you get up again, take a breath, and then you look up and see the next wave life out on the sand under the water. Let it pass over you. And so it kind of feels like that, that with recording this.

The emotional waves. Quicker. If that makes sense. Like I can go through it more quickly. I don’t know if I’m even thinking about the emotional wave stuff that way. But that’s my experience of it. So yeah, I’m officially not entertaining many of the questions I have been entertaining while recording this, about podcast growth, Instagram, the messaging for the marketing stuff, promotion, still gonna do the podcast interviews I had planned. I think that’s gonna be fun. Like, I enjoy talking to people, and picking their brain and listening and weaving it in with myself, like I looking forward to doing that. Even though I have a few nerves around tech setup. But that’s all figured out double. But besides that, I’m just gonna let it all be a bonus.

And then if that mentality then has me showing up more fully, I’m gonna remind myself that it’s all a bonus and not do what I did before, which is like, cool, everything’s a bonus. Okay, now I’m gonna get back into it. Okay, here are all the expectations. And I think it’s something that I do slowly that I don’t notice it like, a little bit more expectation each day until it’s this huge mountain of expectation that I’m underneath before I even realize it. And yeah, I just want to be kind to myself, and I want to teach, Lydia that you can succeed by being kind to yourself, I think as well, because I’m watching the bowls on stand in the bus.

Like, I’m so impressed with the way this show is portraying the boss. Because every magazine show you’ve ever seen, there’s a woman at the top and she’s a bitch. And she’s also divorced. I don’t know the marital status of the boss in the bold and I’ve only watched a few episodes. So maybe this isn’t actually the boss. They’re setting it up. But my impression so far is that she is a true mentor is kind is caring. She’s not stressed, she’s not running around. Yes, she’s got shit to do, and she’s doing things.

But she has time for what matters. She’s there for her people. She’s like, achieving what she wants to achieve, but isn’t diminishing anyone while doing that and isn’t diminishing herself. So I don’t know if as I watch more episodes, I will find out that’s not the case. I hope not. I can’t see them changing it but maybe they will. I’m sure there’ll be more depth to her character but I really hope they haven’t made her divorced and actually us talking about it to one of my friends that she was saying in the show younger, there is a boss of a magazine who’s a bitch but then you come to love her because you realize that she’s been through this divorce. And like, she’s got this, you know more, there’s more to her. But I was like, I hate that, like they never, this will be exceptions, I hope.

But any successful career woman is divorced or having relationship issues in movies in shows like then it’s so rare for them to portray. And they probably do this with men too. That they that you can have a successful career and a successful love life and family life. So I really hoping this show keeps being that example because it is really inspiring me as a leader and a boss, that it is possible to do that, even though the show but just like seeing it modeled is really powerful. But yeah, I’m just sick of these expectations. And yeah, just tying myself in has to be so perfect.

So together, and all of it, like all areas all at once. So, yeah, I’m over that I’ve had enough. It feels very similar to my moment I had in 2016, where it was just like the quiet moment that I was like, I’m sick of being in my own way. Like, I either need to get out of my way, or just give up. Like, I can’t keep being in this place where I am trying, and I have one foot on the gas and one foot on the brake, like with my handbrake on, it just doesn’t work.

And so I think today was the day I needed to just kind of remind me of what matters. And that I can have it all but by expecting myself to have at all that’s not going to be the way to get there. That it’s really seen as a bonus. Truly, like truly embodying that I can get that on an intellectual level. And it’s funny too. That’s what I talked about with Virginia as well. When I was coaching her so like everything in that coaching call was for me. So thank you, Virginia, but yeah, like literally everything. Every call every post, every email, every interview, every new PGSDer, everything is a bonus. Like every single thing is a bonus.

And yeah, like this is time I will never get back and it’s true always. It’s always time we’ll never get back but yeah, it makes me tear up when I think about my future self. And the moments from this year that I come back into and 100% then at the moment I’m sitting at my desk and that’s probably because I’m being such a bitch to me as I’m working that why would I want to return to that? And if I was having more fun like I love what I do but I don’t love when I put pressure on myself so I’m just going to continue to delight in Lydia. Her cute little giggles and yeah, just as an example of what the teacher which is to be kind to yourself to care for yourself to treat yourself as you would your friends. And this year I’ve really been there for my friends and I haven’t been there for myself in the same way. So that’s all I’m sharing for this one. And I will be back with another update soon.

Okay, so I hope that was helpful. I like, as I mentioned, I feel embarrassed about sharing that recording, but at the same time, I know that part of my growth and as well maybe can relate to like not wanting to be seen to be emotional or not being able to handle something or being rocked by something like I just me expressing negativity feels very uncomfortable I, I have been the kind of person that like, if you asked me how my day was, it was always good. And just like, kind of not feeling like I will be loved if I’m not positive and happy.

And that being part of the like, a strategy that works as well in terms of like, being connected with others and liked by others. And like, just part of my personal growth at the moment has really been creating safety around expressing that and just like seeing that I’m still loved when I have those feelings as well. And like, even not wanting to express them to myself, like in my own self coaching. So often, I don’t even let myself express that. And I’ll just instead being like self pity, all kinds of different other things, but really just letting myself have my feelings has been, it’s a journey for all perfectionist, I think we just want to not have them.

And I recently read somebody that said, you aren’t failing, you’re feeling and that really resonated with me, because when I went through a similar experience or emotional wave to the one you just heard a few days ago, just being reminded that it’s not that I’m failing, it’s that I’m feeling. And with those feelings, it’s having me have a certain perception of how things are going. But that that actually isn’t true, but just, you aren’t failing, you’re feeling and I wanted to just quickly mention that in that recording, I talked about how I wanted to take the pressure off and thinking of everything as a bonus. And just that mentality of like to take the pressure off, I need to just completely like, ignore my goals and like not really have any ambitions, it’s something that we perfectionist do a lot is that we are in that all or nothing mode, we’re either like, in this kind of like gung ho full force, full intensity mode.

And we then find ourselves in a situation where we’re just like, sick of ourselves sick of the pressure, sick of the expectations. And it’s not working often because we’re really trying to force and hustle and push our way there. So it gets frustrating. And then like, if this recorded, I made this state of like, okay, I’m just gonna stop trying, like, I’m just my solution to not feel this pressure on myself, is just to completely like, call my goals a bonus, and to just like, show up and be in flow and do things that I love. And after I had those feelings and express that which was so helpful, for me being able to feel them and move through them, that I then after that, and just having expressed that I was able to be like, Oh, the solution here isn’t to not have a goal, and to just kind of blow in the breeze.

And I really want to just encourage you, if you are feeling like I’m sick of putting so much pressure on myself. So I’m just going to like, not try anymore. Like I’m just going to like I’ll still be trying, but I’m just going to like, see everything as a bonus, just be so grateful. That really is at all and I think mindset and it really isn’t productive to be thinking about it in that way. And in PGSD, we talk about this a lot, we coach on it a lot. And I think for a lot of us, our tendency is to just like, do that kind of detachment like I don’t want to anyway, kind of vibe.

And what I want to invite you to do. And this is what we do in PGSD, keep your goal. And you just change the way you’re thinking about it. And particularly thinking about yourself and your business and what it means to achieve your goal. And like you look at all of that, versus changing the goal because we change the goal because we think that that’ll change our thinking. And sometimes it does temporarily. But if you’re the kind of person that has big goals and big dreams and you’re ambitious, and then you can trust it had, you will soon have big goals again, because you’re the kind of person who wants to grow.

So instead of us being in this thought era of thinking that if we just stop having the goal will not have pressure on ourselves, and then we’ll feel better that we can just learn how to approach our goals in a different way a more growth minded way, a kind of way, and really understanding and it takes like experience to understand this because you’ve probably already know this intellectually but really getting that when you are kind to yourself and Be growth minded, it feels better and you do better.

And I like to think of the analogy of like, if you’re trying to hold a bar of soap, that like a cake of soap that’s wet, and you’re squeezing it really hard, because you definitely don’t want to drop it. And you’re just so tense that it will slip out of your hands. And if you just calmly, gently, loosely hold that cake of soap, that bar of soap, you will be able to hold it and it feels better, it feels easier.

But we’re just so often as perfectionist, and we’ve been rewarded by like the schooling system and things like that to just like, have all this pressure and it feels like it pays off. And what I love about the work I’ve done on my own perfectionism and in PGSD, that you start to really see that when you’re not being a perfectionist about things, and you are being growth minded, that you actually do better, then when you’re a perfectionist about it. And the hard thing is when you’re always a perfectionist about things, you never get to witness what it’s like not to be a perfectionist about it. And we also have misconceptions and misunderstandings about it.

So we’re like, there’s either being a perfectionist about it or being reckless and not caring. And it’s like, there’s actually a way where you can do incredibly high quality work at an incredible consistency, and enjoy the process. And it actually be better quality, what like, it just I know, it can bend our minds to think that’s a possibility. It’s like it either I’m a perfectionist, and I’m very controlling about things, or I’ve just let myself go completely. And then I’m blowing in the breeze and whatever.

So just really, I want to remind you with this, that as much as we like to say, Well, I just don’t want to have any goals at all. And I’m just going to be grateful. And I already have things good enough as it is like you are someone who has that desire to have things a certain way in the sense of like, you know, you are put here to do something important. You love feeling successful and productive. And so with the fact that that desire will always be there. And you have had periods of trying to ignore it. And it’s just still there that like let’s actually just have you stay committed to your goal, but then do the work to think about yourself, your goal your business in a different way so that your experience changes instead of having this strategy being changing the goal, which might provide temporary relief, but does not produce long term results.

So with that said, I hope this episode has been helpful. I’m so excited to be sharing the upcoming episodes with you again, if you want to share with me anything you want to hear on the podcast if you want to share with me what episodes you love, or if there’s an episode that you constantly listen to, things like that. Or if there’s an episode that you don’t like, if you think like I would love to see this be more like that. I want to hear it all. So please DM me on Instagram @perfectionismproject, or you can leave a review to share that as well. Yeah, I’m gonna leave it here. I hope you’re having a beautiful day and I will talk to you in the next episode.

Outro

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Author: Sam Brown