Episode 466: Getting Out Of Your Own Way So Your Children Can Do It Too

Getting out of your own way in your business will have a profound impact on your children. This is true whether you have young children like me or you have older children or your children haven’t even been born yet.

Tune into this episode to learn what it means to get out of your own way and why I’m so committed to being an example of what’s possible for my children. I also share why being a ‘perfect’ parent isn’t helpful for your children and what to focus on instead.

Plus you’ll hear about the 12 Week Power Planning Challenge that’s happening inside my program Perfectionists Getting Shit Done starting on 1 July so you have the tools and personal support to make getting out of your own way a reality.

Find the full episode transcript and show notes at samlaurabrown.com/episode466.

In This Episode You’ll Learn:

  • Why your relationship with yourself is so important to your children
  • Why getting out of your own way doesn’t mean becoming perfect
  • My story of getting out of my own way
  • The power of focusing on who you’re being rather than what you’re achieving

Featured In The Episode:

Work With Me:
My coaching program Perfectionists Getting Shit Done (aka PGSD) teaches you how to plan properly as a perfectionist so you can get out of your own way in your business. To find out more about the program and sign up today, visit: samlaurabrown.com/pgsd.

Listen To The Episode

Listen to the episode on the player above, click here to download the episode and take it with you or listen anywhere you normally listen to podcasts – just find Episode 466 of The Perfectionism Project Podcast!

Subscribe To The Perfectionism Project Podcast


Hi and welcome to another episode of The Perfectionism Project, a podcast full of perfectionism advice for entrepreneurs. My name is Sam Laura Brown, I help entrepreneurs release their perfectionism handbrake so they can get out of their own way and build a fulfilling and profitable business. I’m the founder of the Perfectionist Getting Shit Done group coaching program, which is otherwise known as PGSD. And for even more perfectionism advice to help you with your business. You can follow me on Instagram @perfectionismproject

Sam Laura Brown
In today’s episode, I want to share something with you that is really close to my heart. This is why I am so committed to doing my own work on getting out of my own way and releasing my perfectionism handbrake, and it’s why I’m so committed to helping other perfectionist entrepreneurs do the same. And that is getting out of your own way so that your children can do it too. And so this is something that came up for me this morning when I was doing my self coaching. And I just felt so compelled to pick up my microphone and record an episode on this. Because if you’re a parent, either of older children, or young children like myself, or you want to be a parent in the future, that really being connected to an understanding the power of getting out of your own way, it can make all the difference when it comes to being able to find resourcefulness and resilience and courage where it feels so hard to create.

And also being able to celebrate your wins and your successes when it feels so awkward and uncomfortable to celebrate the progress you’re making and the goals that you are achieving when it comes to your business. And I really want to talk about this too, because it is never too late to get out of your own way, no matter how much you have been overthinking or procrastinating, or stopping yourself from doing the things that you know you need to do, or working in a really scattered way. Because it feels so uncomfortable to just put in a full effort, then you are able, I just really want you to know this, like you are able to get out of your own way. It’s simple and easy, especially when you have the right tools and support to do that.

And you can start getting out of your own way, today, it is never too late. And no matter how old or how young your children are, it is never never never too late or too early for this to be having such a big impact on them. Or even if you haven’t got children yet in your future children, just by you being someone who is out of their own way in their business, that is going to make it so much easier for them to model and do the same. And it feels so much safer for them to be in success, and also to be in failure as well. So where I want to start just to kind of paint the scene is with my self-coaching this morning. And what specifically prompted me to record this episode today.

So self-coaching as well is something that you will learn in PGSD advanced, which is my advanced coaching group that we didn’t only enrollment for, and we’ve had people sign up and then we’re doing the full enrollment for that group in July. So if you are aware of PGSD advance, you’ve been thinking about signing up, just know that July is when we’re going to be doing the launch for that. And we’ll be officially announcing those dates very soon. But this self-coaching that I was doing this morning was particularly about viewing and perceiving myself as successful, because I have realized through my self-coaching, that how I treat myself in success is something that I can really benefit from working on. A lot of people talk about how to treat yourself when you’re failing, and the importance of supporting yourself through failure. But something that I don’t hear enough people talking about is how you treat yourself in success.

And what I have realized and notice is that when I am succeeding, my brain tells me that I’m not. That my brain just sees what could have been better, what wasn’t done, what wasn’t good enough. And so I have been in so many situations in my life, including in my life right now, where I am successful in the sense that I have achieved what I wanted to achieve. But my brain is telling me that I’m not successful. And so I’m creating an experience of failure for myself, because failure is more comfortable and familiar for me and feel safer than success. So what I have been doing in my self-coaching is getting my brain on board with the fact that I am successful. And that doesn’t mean that there aren’t big goals that I have and other things that I want to achieve. But I’ve just really seen it play out so many times in my own life and in my clients lives as well, that when we think we’re failing, and we can think that that gives us motivation to be successful.

But if we are making decisions from the thought that we’re failing, and that we’re not good enough, and we’re feeling inadequate and out of control, and confused, and uncertain, we are not going to make decisions that create long term sustainable success and enjoyment for ourselves. That that comes from seeing that you already are successful, and you’re a successful person and making decisions and taking action from that place. And so when I have been trying to tell myself that my successes aren’t good enough yet, that that hasn’t helped me create more of it. And it’s meant that when things have been succeeding, I have just abandoned them and reinvented the wheel because I wasn’t able to acknowledge that it was working because that felt uncomfortable. I’m more comfortable in that struggle and in the pain of failure and figuring that out. I’ve just been in that more because of the way my brain thinking then in success.

So what I’m doing in my self-coaching in the moment is rewiring my brain to actually perceive myself in a different way, and seeing that I am successful. And so what I’ve been doing each morning is getting my brain to list out why it’s true that right now in this moment, I am successful. And the first day that I did this, it was so damn hard. My brain did not want to answer with anything. And it actually felt like a gym workout. I was like, Nope, I’m going to actually answer why it is true that right now I’m successful, not just in terms of my business, but in terms of every area of my life. Because when I have been succeeding, I’ve just seen that my brain doesn’t go, Okay, now we’re successful, amazing, let’s celebrate ourselves, let’s like, have fun and be successful, that I need to actually learn, like the lesson I have kept coming up against, and I actually need to learn is how to celebrate myself and feel successful, instead of expecting that to come from external validation or achieving a certain financial goal or any other kind of goal.

And so this morning, as I was writing out why it’s true, right now that I am successful, which has gotten easier and easier each day, I love how our brains can just be rewired. And actually, when we ask our brain high quality questions, it will answer them. And so I’ve been asking myself, how is it true that right now I’m successful. And one of the things that came up is this, through my actions, I’m showing my kids that it’s possible to live their dreams and to find something that they love doing, and then do the courageous work to have it become what they do for a living, I have so much that I can teach them about courage and resilience and overcoming failure and adversity from my own personal experience that is going to be absolutely invaluable to them. And as I was writing that this morning, I was tearing up because that is something that is so deeply, deeply, deeply important to me.

And it just really connected me with who I want to be when I am building my business, not just about achieving a certain goal or having a certain launch go a certain way. But ultimately zooming out big picture. What do I want to be an example of? Who do I want my kids to have as a role model, when it comes to how to show up in the world. And I know especially from being so on who coaches perfectionist and being a perfectionist myself, that the temptation we hear that kind of thing is like, okay, so I need to be perfect, I need to be 100% present with them and engaged with them, I need to make sure that I’m always succeeding. And I’m always like, because I know about mindset stuff that I always have an amazing mindset, that I never have any struggles that like, I’m just always doing exactly what I know, I need to do. I never procrastinate. I’m never overthinking. And it’s not about that. It’s really about showing them what it’s like to be a human, but to also be a human who is courageous and resilient and celebrates themselves, who is willing to experience any emotion and to be seen in that emotion and to be supported by others in that emotion.

And in that struggle, or in that success. And so when I think about particularly what I’m working on, as I feel like I am in a stage of business right now, where I am rebuilding in a certain way, like I am getting myself back into the groove of certain things, I am making decisions that I don’t know how they will play out. But I’m able to bring myself to a place of certainty and bring my body to a place of safety where I can make those decisions. So I’m really just thinking about as I am getting things going again, and moving forward and doing that in a really powerful way, like who do I want to be and when things aren’t working out, who do I want to be? And when things are working out, who do I want to be in all of that? And so what I want to talk about in this episode with you is is really having you reflect on with your own life and with your children, whether they’re older or younger, or your future children to come. Who do you want to be? Who do you want to be as a role model to them?

And you might be able to think about for example, like what are the kinds of lessons that you would say with your words to them, and then learning and developing and commitment to demonstrating that through your actions, because children learn through observation, and through seeing how we live our lives, not through what we say because if our words and our lessons that we impart about, like, you know, it’s really important to try things even if they might not work out. But they never see us trying anything that isn’t guaranteed to succeed. Or they see us trying something that doesn’t work out and we instantly quit or get so disheartened or go into the shame spiral then what they’re learning is it’s not safe to try things that might not work. My mom or my dad, they don’t like themselves when something fails, and they’re not gonna like me when I fail at something either. Like it’s so powerful to look at.

How do I want to role model for my children? And I like want to think about this and talk about this particularly in terms of who you’re being when you’re successful, and who you’re being when you’re failing. So when it comes to who you’re being when you’re succeeding, do you actually acknowledge success? And not just like you might be thinking, hey, if we have you know, hit a big milestone in the business or like I have a really great launch or campaign, or a big sale comes through, I get a big commission, or I land a big client or whatever that looks like for you that like milestone success, we go out to dinner and we celebrate as a family, like, sure that’s nice. And that that’s a great thing to do.

But I would say that’s kind of like the bare minimum, and the least impactful thing that we can do when it comes to celebrating success. So what I think about for my own kids, and in case you don’t know, I have a almost three year old named Lydia. And then I have twin sons, Jack and James, who are about 15 months old. And so at this point in time, they’re not old enough that I can have like full conversation. So of course, I’m always seeding different ideas about resilience, and things like that. But what I’m really thinking about and just really doing it with myself, is to celebrate the progress that I’m making, the effort that I’m putting in, and the courage, and the resilience and the resourcefulness and the willingness, really, to support yourself with getting out of your own way, a big part of that.

And this is part of when you’re doing power planning in your weekly self study that you’ll do at the end of the week that you will go through, like, what did I accomplish? And what can I celebrate from this week? Because we love to just look at, like, what didn’t work, what we need to improve on what the flaws were. And we actually have to train our brains to see that were succeeding, that there are always some things that are working, there’s always truth in the statement, I am right now successful in this moment. And so being able to with ourselves, and if your children are old enough to articulate it, and verbalize it with them, or for them to witness you treating yourself kindly in success, instead of being like, Okay, well, like the equivalent of the parent who’s like, Okay, well, you got an A, but it’s not an A plus, or you got 98% on the exam, but you didn’t get 100%. When we treat ourselves that way.

It is evident through the way that we talk through the way that we walk like that has such a big impact, even if it’s not us literally saying, I’m celebrating myself today, because I’m was courageous. But in our own work that we’re doing, it is so powerful to just have a quiet word with yourself and say I am so damn proud of myself for the courage I am showing right now in generating right now, for the willingness for the resourcefulness for the things that I’m doing that are going to compound over time for being willing to try something that I don’t even know if this is going to work. But I’m willing to try it, I’m willing to have a go at it. Because that’s the kind of person that I am. That celebrating yourself to the kind of person you’re being is more powerful when it comes to getting and being out of your own way than celebrating yourself for those milestone successes.

As perfectionist with that all or nothing mindset, we tend to if we celebrate at all, because often when we achieve a goal, we’re already thinking about the next one. But if we celebrate it all, we tend to only do it when we’ve earned it, which is when we’ve gotten to 100% of the goal. And that really creates that relationship with ourselves where nothing we do is ever good enough. And then as soon as we are feeling like we’re failing, we’re like, Okay, well, even if I get to the goal, I’m probably not going to feel seen and heard and appreciated. And so what’s even the point of trying, especially when I think I might not get to the goal, and there’s so much uncertainty around it. So we generate this feeling of being disheartened and discouraged and being confused. Because we’re so scared of that treatment from our future self who’s going to be like, yeah, yeah, but that still wasn’t good enough. And so that relationship you have with yourself, is what you are modeling to your children.

And what I really want to model to my children, is the relationship that they can have with themselves and of course, with other people as well. That’s so important. But ultimately, like we are with ourselves for our whole lives, and with your parents, with your children, like with everyone else, like people aren’t with us 100% of the time, we are with ourselves 100% of the time so your relationship with yourself. And we talk about this so much inside perfectionist getting shit done, like the module on self trust and self image like all of this is about your relationship with yourself. And what we’re wanting to do is demonstrate and model to our children, what it can be like to have a really supportive and healthy relationship with yourself. Not that we need to click our fingers and instantly have that today. But we are willing to do the work on our relationship with ourselves so that they can actually see what it looks like to be kind and supportive with yourself to keep yourself accountable, rather than beating yourself up.

And so celebrating your successes is such an important part of that. And as I mentioned, it’s not about like literally saying the words is that can be so powerful. When someone like if you want to your children, if they’re old enough to say like, you know, how was your day or what are you working on? Like you can say like, here’s what I’m celebrating, like, here’s what’s working for me versus like the things you’re trying to figure out the things you don’t know yet like focus on even just for a little bit. It’s going to feel awkward and uncomfortable. Like here’s what I’m celebrating and it being about who you’ll being the effort, the courage, the resilience, the willingness, the ease and simplicity that you’re creating when you’re doing something, the rest, like all of that is what we want to be celebrating and noticing. And particularly if you were someone who when you asked about and this is when we’re power planning and we are figuring out what our needle movers are and looking at, like what’s working for us, when it comes to the business, if you have a really hard time, figuring out what’s working, then this is part of your work that you will need to do is actually acknowledging that things are working and that you are succeeding.

And even if you haven’t reached your goals yet, or even if you feel like objectively, someone wouldn’t say that you’re successful, that you actually are being a successful person, you have to notice and acknowledge and see and hear yourself in that. And that is what will allow you to actually show up the way that you want to show up. But if you were trying to get that from your Instagram followers, or from people making comments, like actually hitting a objective like financial milestone like a 10k monk or 100k in a year, or in a month or a million dollars in a year, or whatever that milestone is for you, then you’re not actually creating a relationship with yourself, where you are really supporting yourself in your success, you have to acknowledge the smaller wins, not just the big milestone ones.

Otherwise, what you will find is that when you feel like well, I don’t know if it’s even worth doing the thing that I plan to do today, because I’m not sure if it’ll work like that is a symptom of not celebrating success and only acknowledging success when you achieve 100% of the goal. Because you’ve like well, I don’t even know how to get all the way there. So you need to actually celebrate who you are being and that as well just feels like such a relief in terms of thinking about like the child’s experience to see your parent loving and supporting themselves. And this doesn’t mean that they never acknowledged that things are hot and I’ll talk about this in a second. When it comes to how you treat yourself in failure.

But it doesn’t mean that you never do that and say, Hey, things are hard. I’m really struggling right now. But we perfectionist we love to just gloss over when we are succeeding when things are working. And there’s always a way that we’re succeeding right now. And there’s always something that’s working. And we just need to train our brains to see that, so that we can show up and put ourselves out there and do the things that we want to do and be living the way that we want to be living. So when it comes to how you treat yourself, and who you are being when you’re failing, do you allow yourself to be seen in your struggles? Or do you bottle them up and try to be strong and figure it all out on your own and keep things just add an intellectual level, rather than allowing yourself to actually explore the emotions that are going on like you’re always trying to solve things through strategy and knowledge.

Rather than solving things through emotional processing and connection with yourself would feel so much more vulnerable to us as perfectionist that we don’t feel safe in our bodies. Like, we have to learn how to create safety in our body, that is part of the work that we do in PGSD, the tools of the growth goal, and how honey and clean rest really support you in doing that, particularly as well the clean rest, that you need to learn. And it’s so powerful to learn how to really feel safe in your body. But because we don’t we just live in our heads. And we are overthinking things. And even if you’re someone who deeply experiences emotions, if you tend to solve things, and think about things in a really intellectual way, you try to solve your problems with knowledge, rather than without emotional work. This is probably something that you can relate to, that I talked about with this with who you’ll be when you’re failing.

Do you allow yourself to get support from others? Or do you try to figure it all out on your own, and piece it together by yourself and keep your struggles to yourself, because maybe you feel like it’s coming from a really well intentioned place, you don’t want to burden anyone, you don’t want anyone to be stressed out. But by doing that, like if you think about if your child was having a really hard time, and if as well, if we have that thought, we’re gonna, they’re gonna be like, well, I don’t want to stress mom and dad out. Like, I don’t want to create that better on them. So I just need to figure this out by myself. It’s probably a problem with me like, perfectionist because we love to feel in control. We blame ourselves because we feel like, well, if I’m the problem, then maybe like I can be the solution. Whereas if we feel like we’re not the problem, and that the solution isn’t us just being better if we feel like we’re not the problem, it feels scarier to us that if we feel like we are the problem.

So if you are in this pattern of self blame as well, and you’re thinking, well, the reason I’m not succeeding, or I’m failing right now I’m struggling right now is because there’s a problem with me, I just need to be a better leader, I just need to be better at sales, I just need to be better at marketing, I just need to be better at business. It’s not to say not to upskill. But when it’s from this self blame, that that’s what we are modeling to our children. And it means that when I think about my own children, if they are having a really hard time with someone, I definitely don’t want them to be in the mindset of well, I don’t want to go to mom, because that’s going to stress her out or burden her and she’s just going to worry about me. Or that if I share this, then mum isn’t going to love me anymore.

And when we like if I think about that with my own children, and their thinking that if I tried something and it didn’t work, or I made a mistake that was maybe really embarrassing, or I knew better than to make, or I did something that I’m not proud of doing. And if I share that I won’t be loved anymore. Like that just actually breaks my heart to think about that. And yet we treat ourselves like that we don’t love ourselves anymore, unless we’re performing unless we’re perfect unless everything is polished. And so when I think about doing the work on my relationship with myself for the benefit of my children and them getting to see me and how I treat myself when I’m succeeding and how I treat myself when I’m failing and everything in between, like there is still a lot of work for me to do in those areas. But I have made so much progress, and I am so damn proud of the progress that I have made.

And that was what was really coming out for me this morning. That the life I have now, when it comes particularly since this is a podcast about getting out of your own way as a perfectionist entrepreneur, when it comes to my business. Like I actually instead of like being in the weeds in the day to day of everything that I’m working on, I zoom out. And I think about in 2013. When I started my business as a blog, it was called Smart 20s. And I started it and I had been listening to podcasts for business podcasts which I stumbled upon on my commute to work and I was like, Oh, this is really interesting. Like the psychological mindset side is like I’m really intrigued about this. And just hearing people every day in my ears, talking about having an online business and blogging and all of that I was like, Oh, maybe I could have a blog. And then I started a baking blog. I did one post like okay, I actually am not interested in food. If like anyone goes out to lunch and like you know how was your lunch or whatever. They’re like I had this and this I’m like, I don’t actually care what you ate like what conversations do you have how’s the other person going?

Like, I’m just not a foodie. And so I did one post on a baking blog. And that I was like, No, that’s not what I actually want to do. And I’m so glad I let myself actually do that, like that alone was an act of courage. And I didn’t share it with anyone. I just like, baked a recipe. And I took it, I was like, Oh, and also, this is so much work to like, be taking these like food photos, and all of this, and I just, it’s not what I actually want to do. So I just want to mention that too, because like those false starts, or like attempts are so powerful, and like, that was such a success for me to try it. I also so I have a law degree and a finance degree and a Diploma of French, which I feel like it’s such a perfectionist thing of like, I have all the degrees and whatever.

And I really enjoyed and did well in the stats subjects that were part of the finance side of things. And so I was like, I’ll have a blog about like helping people with the exams for that. And I like niched down to like the university I went to in the specific courses that I was doing, and like, it really just clicked with me. And a lot of people really found the subjects hard. I was like, okay, maybe I can have a blog around this. And so I think I did like maybe one or two posts, I can’t remember what that blog was called. But I did that I was like, Okay, I’m not actually interested in doing this. And so what I eventually did with my Smart 20s blog, because I just found personal development, even though I’ve always loved like a mindset approach and been fascinated by I didn’t actually know personal development was a thing, until I read a book that my brother actually recommended, called the Go Giver.

And I read that I was like, holy shit, this is like, a whole, like, there’s this whole world of personal development and like thinking about, I was just like, so intrigued by it. And then I found different personal development blogs, and things like that. And I was like, Okay, I’m actually wanting to have a blog about like, what I’m going through, which is I’m trying to make the most of my 20s. I was 22. At the time, I’m trying to figure out like, how to make the most of my 20s. And everyone is basically either like, okay, like, here’s my perfect experience of it all, like, I’m struggling, and I’m poor, and I’m broken, like, but what about the people who like, genuinely trying, and also struggling and like I want to share about that, but I just was so insecure about it, I definitely didn’t tell anyone about it. It was like my secret thing that I worked on, when I was meant to be studying, like, I go to the library, to study and I would work on my blog, I started my blog in the library at my university.

I bought the domain, and then I didn’t post anything. For three months, I stopped listening to podcasts altogether. Because even just like taking that first step, my nervous system was like, no, no, no, like, this is not safe to like, actually share this and put yourself out there. And like, even though at the time, like I didn’t have any real opinions about personal development, like I was so new to that actual journey myself, and it felt so uncomfortable to actually say, like, I’m gonna have this little corner of the internet where I’m sharing my own experience. And I learned from listening to people like Pat Flynn with his podcast, Smart Passive Income, which definitely, really influenced the name of Smart 20s that I had for my blog that he talked about his own experience, I was like, I kind of want to take this approach of like, documenting and talking in first person, and really just sharing my own experiences that I’m having.

And I will just for now share, like, I think my first post was called, like, millions, then why and it was sharing this, I think it’s called, like the parable of the Mexican fishermen, which is basically this whole idea of like, there’s this Mexican fisherman, and he is, you know, like catching a few fish each day. And then he has a siesta out, and has this, you know, like, really amazing life where he spends time with his family. And then he’s in his town, and he’s like, playing the guitar, with his friends and family and all of that. And he’s just like, living this very content life with this small business. And then like this American business person comes in is like, you know, what, you could really, like, industrialize this, and you could catch more fish. And then like, you know, send them off here and, like, have this big thing and make millions of dollars.

And it’s like, and then what it’s like, and then you could actually, like, be in your town and you know, go out fishing in the morning, have a siesta, and go and playing guitar. And it’s just like such this interesting thing. And I still talk about these kinds of things to this day. It was it was like, so intriguing to me of this idea of like, if you are just really working towards something that’s available to you right now. And you’re doing it because you want that thing to be available. It’s just it’s so interesting. It’s really what I’m talking about when it’s like who are you when you’re succeeding? Are you allowing yourself to actually acknowledge like the end result of what I want is actually available to me in this moment.

I’m actually living my dream life like me being able to read a book for an hour a day is like my dream day. Me going for a bush walk me seeing friends and family and spending time with my kids. Like I’m successful, like the day that I want to be having fun is so available to me right now. But if I’m viewing myself as not being successful, then I’m not actually allowing myself to be my success. And then I can’t from that place, genuinely figure out like what’s important to me what goals do I want to pursue for the growth of it not because I hope that one day I’ll be able to have enough time to read a book for an hour a day and spend time with my kids when I have that right now.

So anyway, I posted like, Hey, here’s this thing that I came across on a personal development blog, it was really interesting. And then I didn’t post I didn’t I definitely like, didn’t tell like it was my dirty little secret that I had this blog. I didn’t tell Steve, who’s not my husband, I didn’t tell him about it. I was just like, so embarrassed that I even thought I could have a blog and have an opinion about this area. And I just felt so much like myself that it felt so vulnerable. That like having a baking blog, or like having a blog about studying didn’t feel as vulnerable and scary as actually doing the thing that I deeply wanted to do. And so I stopped listening to podcasts, I didn’t post for three months. And then I was like, Okay, I need to actually like, just be posting. And this is part of, as well as, like what I’ve learned about being a perfectionist who’s getting shit done. Like, I’ve been a perfectionist, who’s really not getting shit done. And learned how to become that. And that’s what my program really teaches you how to do it in a much simpler and easier way, like I had to do so much by trial and error.

I didn’t have the tools, I didn’t have the support, like I had to figure so much out to get support from all different places. So I’m just so passionate about that program, for this reason, because like I was so in the thick of this, that I was like, I’m just going to post every day, I’m going to post like, hey, here’s this YouTube video that I found that I think is interesting. Here’s his blog that I found this post that I think is really interesting. And then over time, I developed my own opinion, but I was always stopping and started. And then I was always writing about like, I have this motivation struggle, because I didn’t even realize I was a perfectionist. And that’s why I was getting in my own way. And I was just so scared anyone in my real life would come across my blog, or the Instagram that I started the next year, the Instagram account and like to look at where I am now.

And being able to really appreciate like, for me, the goal was just to be full time in my business like that was like holy shit. I remember a goal that I had in the first year of having my business as a blog, I was like, to be able to get like 100 people send me an email that says like, Thank you for the work that you’re doing. Or like I love your blog, like that was a big goal for me initially. But I had been listening to podcasts about online business and making money. And I knew that was possible. But even being in a place where I actually told people in my real life, about my business, felt absolutely debilitating, like I did not feel like I could tell anyone, even and especially the people who loved me the most because I was so scared that they wouldn’t love the real me not that I was sharing absolutely everything on his blog, and I’d go months without posting. And I just would then really put so much pressure on myself to a perfect poser that made it even harder to post.

But really just like I just was so scared to be seen as being myself and the things I was genuinely interested in. And so I was studying at university, I had an admin job that I was doing at a hospital working in like reception. And then when I like my goal had been like, I want to be full time in my business. So that when I graduate in mid 2015, so like nearly two years later, that I’m able to like not have to go into a job as a lawyer and continue down that path because I’m interested in law. But also like I just know, I don’t want to be a lawyer. And I’m interested in finance. And I’ll go down that path if I need to. But also like, I just know that I really like deep down, I was always telling myself like I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I knew what I wanted to do with my life, I was just scared to do it.

So I was like, hey, want to be full time by July 2015. When I graduate and I wasn’t I hadn’t made a single dollar. By that time. I didn’t have anything for sale, I didn’t have like any way of supporting myself because I was so in my own way. And then in 2016, I launched a online course called Dream habit after signing up for a course about like how to do that. And then I had the knowledge but I didn’t have like the emotional side that I needed. So then I hired a coach to help me with the mindset work required. And then I was able to actually do it. And I had a good friend Jen, who I met who I convinced to also launch an online course at the same time. So I had that like community aspect to her, which was so so so powerful.

And then I made like $3,000 And at that point in time I was working in insolvency accounting at one of the big accounting firms in Brisbane. And it was kind of like living that corporate life and I was enjoying it. I didn’t really enjoy the work but I worked with great people. I liked Friday afternoon drinks, like I liked being around other people in an office and that kind of work life and even though it wasn’t like perfect and super meaningful and impactful or whatever. And I didn’t feel that great at it either like it wasn’t horrible. I wasn’t ever the person who’s like, I could just never work for someone else. I just hate working for other people that I was like, I’m actually pretty happy being told what to do and being really, you know, clear about what success looks like and having people I can talk to each day. But I was always scared to tell anyone at work like that I actually like personal development.

And that’s what I was really interested in and the kinds of books that I read, and that I had a blog where I talked about it and I was so scared that anyone from my work would find out about it because they would all laugh at me and just be like, Who do you think you are? What a joke and because that’s what I was telling myself about it. But even with that, I kept like picking up one foot and putting it in front of the other and being willing to persist and just being willing to keep on going even when there was no evidence that I would ever succeeded at like when you’re in a job or like at university and it’s why so many perfectionist like especially getting like addicted to study because there’s is so much clarity around like here’s what success looks like. Here’s what you need to do. Here’s what when you need to do it.

In business, it’s very different, you have to create that for yourself. And so you need to learn that skill set. But when it comes to just being able to break free of that kind of like addiction to being told what to do, and being like, I’m actually willing to put in all this work that I’m not making any money from, like it was six years in my business before I paid myself my first dollar personally from the business. And it was three years before I even made my first dollar. But I just was willing to pick up one foot and put it in front of the other even when my legs were trembling, even when I was so really scared, so deeply scared of the rejection from others, and therefore the way I’d reject myself if I was rejected by others, I was so deeply scared of that.

And I would have such a visceral body reaction, when I even thought about anyone finding out about my blog, or asking about my blog, that I’m now at a point where it’s my full time job, and it comfortably is that that I’m able to have such a meaningful impact on the clients that I worked with. I’ve worked with over 1000 perfectionist entrepreneurs at this point, through like my own experience, and learning how to actually show up and get shit done. And learning the skill set of coaching and holding space and the mindset work and doing so many 1000s of hours of studying myself and studying coaching and studying productivity and studying business and just been able to bring that all together. And to be in a place now, where it is a Thursday morning. And I’m sitting in my office, and I’m just able to chat about something I’m really passionate about. And this is my job like that is success.

And just like really feeling that and zooming out, and maybe you’re like at the beginning of that journey, and you feel like maybe you’ll never get there. And that’s how I felt to it. It’s like having the courage to just be like, but I’m willing to try, I’m willing to do things that might not work, I’m willing for there to be bumps along the road, I’m willing to be the one who was resilient and courageous and puts themselves out there. And so like in 2017, when I left my accounting job, I started made $3,000 for my online course, that I made a little bit more from it, but I like didn’t fully promote it whatsoever. So I was getting away in that sense. But I was like, Hey, I could actually go back to my part time job that I had, and not the exact one. But I could go back to working as a hospital receptionist, and that I could work in the afternoons and I could have the day to work on my business. Because my whole story was I didn’t have enough time, which once I left my full time job, I found out that was definitely not the problem.

Because I was like, well look at all these people who are successful. And it’s because they’re full time in their business. And if I had more time, I’d be more successful. I got more time and I wasted it because that was not the issue. But I had to learn that the hard way. So anyway, like the courage, the pure courage to actually be willing to tell people along the way as well, like, eventually telling Steve, I don’t even remember when I first told Steve, I feel like my brain has like repressed that memory, not because he wasn’t completely supportive, which he was. But because of how hard it was for me emotionally to do that. I remember telling my brother Alex about it. I remember telling my dad about it. I remember like some of my friends coming across my Instagram account and be like, what’s this and me feeling like, like in such a frozen state, and then then being supportive and like, just really going through that was so so so hard. And now like I happily tell people like when I’m like at a doctor’s appointment, for example.

And like, what do you do, I’m like, I’m a life coach, I have my own business, like, it took, like holy shit so much work on myself, to end my relationship with myself to actually be able to say that, to own that, to tell other people about it when I don’t even have to tell them about it to not be hiding to actually be like, This is what I do. This is who I help. The end, like really only night has been so so so powerful. And I really like it’s all about as well, like, how do you treat yourself who you being when you’re failing? And are you willing to keep going? Are you willing to have courage? Are you willing to like launch something into the world that might not work that you don’t have any proof about, it’s going to be successful. And especially if you put so much time and so much thought into something, it feels like even more pressure and then we delay it longer. And the pressure just keeps building.

But just having like the courage to start and the courage to keep on going. And the courage to celebrate success like that, I think, ultimately, is what I’m wanting to demonstrate those three things to my children, and it’s so hard and it’s so challenging, but when I like really zoom out and look at as much as my brain wants to tell me like right now things aren’t working the way I want them to work and what I like, but it’s always been like that no matter how much money I make if I’m making hundreds of 1000s of dollars, and I am that my brain is I go but this could be better and to just be like my 2013 self would be like, Have you lost your mind that you do not think you’re successful, my 2014, self my 2015 self my 2016 Like, literally all of my past selves would be like, holy shit. And like you’ve done this while like having three kids who are under the age of three, having the birth, having the post-partum, like navigating all of that, figuring out what you want to do, like, really actually staying true to what’s important to you, and your values and your integrity about it.

And like, I am so proud of myself for doing that. It has been so hard. And it has also been so easy in some ways as well, it’s been easier to have the courage to do that, then, like the other reality that I was on and living in was like, Am I just going to keep showing up at this accounting job? Or maybe, you know, I could change a different industry and I have other skills and things that I could do, but like am I just gonna keep walking in a job that I don’t really like? And like that feeling of wasting my potential, which I think most perfectionists are familiar with that like stress of like, I’m not doing what I need to do. And I just feel like I’m wasting my potential, but it’s scary to do the thing I want to do. And you’re kind of in that, that I constantly felt like I believed in myself so damn deeply. And I doubted myself so deeply. And I was like, How do I navigate this. And so being willing, like just being willing to be courageous and to show up and like, if I persist, I will succeed.

Like, that was my mantra, especially in those early years, and trusting myself that it would pay off and not necessarily in the way I exactly imagined. I think when I started my blog, I didn’t even know like, you could be a coach. Even I was always the person with like friends and family who was kind of like coaching and that kind of thing. Like, it definitely wasn’t a surprise to me, once I heard about coaching that I was so interested in it. But I didn’t even I couldn’t have even imagined what I’m living today. Like it’s better than what I had imagined. And just being willing to like, I’m willing to give it a go. Because when I zoomed forward to reflecting back on my life, like at the end of my life did I want to be like I really wanted to try this thing. And I didn’t. And like having that regret, versus I tried it and it failed, or whatever. And it was so hard. And I didn’t quite make it. But like having that journey. It was like, what journey do I want to have? And what experience do I want to have? And who do I want to be when I’m succeeding? And who do I want to be when I’m failing? And what do I want to really be an example of.

So I just really want to wrap up by talking about like, when it comes to being courageous and being resilient and being the person who is getting out of their own way and demonstrating and modeling that to the kids no matter how old or how young your kids are, or if they’re even born yet that you are being an example and being a role model. And we talked about this on a recent PGSD coaching call that there are people who are like, you know, if I can just help one other person out there with my business, then all of this is going to be worth it. Like as in if there’s just one customer or client that has a better life because of what I’m doing, then it’s all going to be worth it. And what I was coaching on this call is that for me like that sounds great intellectually, but like it wasn’t enough for me to overcome myself and get out of my own way. Because it’s like, but ultimately, like, my brain is telling me I might die if I do this thing and put myself out there.

So yeah, of course I want to help other people. But also, I don’t want to die. I don’t want to be rejected and abandoned. And so okay, that person gets helped by someone else, because also all of that like impostor syndrome, which comes from the perfectionist, or and I think thinking that if I don’t know everything perfectly, I know nothing at all. And if I’m not perfectly deserving, then I’m not deserving at all. And so like when we are in that shame about like, what do I want to do for myself, and I should want to help other people. And that should be enough of a motivator, that for me, and just a big part of my journey has been like me getting out of my own way. And my own personal experience with it is my motivator, even as someone who helps and has positively impacted 1000s of lives at this point. And like, of course, I’m coming from a place of service and wanting to help people but ultimately, like that, for my perfectionist brain wasn’t enough like thinking about the specific people I’m helping wasn’t enough. It was having to think about like my own personal experience.

And also, what I am demonstrating and modeling to my children has been such a amazing motivator for that as well and wanting to be the person who is willing to start willing to keep going and willing to celebrate themselves as well. And so if you are in your journey with your business, thinking that like well, you should like you know, you want to help people. So that should be enough that you get out of your own way. It’s just like, I just want to share it because making peace with like, that isn’t enough to get me out of my own way. And I actually like if I just let it be about myself and my own journey and what I want to be an example of to myself and the relationship I want to have with myself, that will help other people, regardless of what it is you do, whether you’re a coach or not, it really is just about allowing it to be about you. Because we tell ourselves like, that’s really selfish.

And I should be like, focused on doing things to help others like it’s okay if it’s about you, and it will naturally help others for you to help yourself. Because for others, whether it’s your children, or anyone else, to witness you, really helping yourself, they are then giving themselves permission to have a much healthier, more connected, more supportive relationship with themselves. So yeah, I just wanted to mention that as well. So I hope this episode has really got you thinking about getting out of your own way, the power of doing that what it really is ultimately about. And of course, I want to invite you inside my program, perfectionist getting shit done, so that you can do this work, because it’s not just an intellectual like, okay, like, I heard this episode from Sam.

And that like really got me connected to like, why I’m doing what I’m doing and like getting out of my own way, but like, Okay, but how do you actually do that, that’s what I’m going to teach you inside PGSD, I’m going to give you the tools to actually get shit done as a perfectionist entrepreneur, you’re going to set your growth goal, you’re going to plan properly, as a perfectionist and make plans you can actually follow through on you’re going to get your clean rest, be supported on the mindset, work that comes up as you were showing up and putting yourself out there. And being courageous and doing things that your brain tells you is not safe to do, even though you know it is that I really want to support you with that and invite you in.

And I also want to mention as well, that starting on the first of July, and this is like particularly if you’ve been in a bit of a media slump is going to be so amazing for you. I’ve talked to so many people recently, who have told me that they’re in a slump and they’re just feeling so stuck and like scattered and unfocused. And they’re just like, not able to motivate themselves and move themselves forward. Even though they know what they need to do. They’re just not doing it. And so what we’re going to be doing inside my program PGSD is we’re going to be doing a 12 week power planning challenge, where you will have really so much support and guidance through your first 12 weeks of power planning. You’ve heard me talk about power planning, you might already be familiar with what it looks like but planning from a digital Calendar, Google Calendar or iCal in a way that you can actually follow through on I’ll teach you exactly how to do that anyone can learn how to do it.

So you actually follow through about 80% of the time, get your guilt free rest, you’re actually able to switch off, but I’m going to guide you through a 12 week challenge, you’ll have the support of the PGSD community, it’s really going to be such an incredible way. And I love we’re going to start on the first of July, which happens to be a Monday so beautifully but like if you’re someone who’s well who loves that like New Year energy and like first of January, consider this your mid-year reset. So I just want to invite you into PGSD for that. So we’re getting started on the first of July. But as soon as you sign up, you’ll get support with setting your growth goal you’ll be able to do the power planning course inside PGSD, learn power planning and and get a head start on that as well. So if this is work you want to do if this is really important to you, I really want to invite you to be supported with this work to actually get the tools and learn the mindset required to do the courageous things to keep doing them even when they’re not working.

And to celebrate yourself and success. It’s going to make all the difference to your own life, your own experience creating the reality that you want to create for yourself the like pinch me moments and like the future that like for example that I shared that I live in now that my poor self is like holy crap like that was what we dreamed about, like even better. That that really comes from being willing and committed to getting out of your own way and actually getting yourself the right tools and the right support with that. So I want to invite you in we’re going to do that challenge which is going to be so incredible study on the first of July. So I want to invite you to sign up today. It’s as I said at the beginning, like it’s never too late to start getting out of your own way and showing up the way that you want to. It’s simple and easy to learn. I’m going to teach you that so samlaurabrown.com/pgsd is where to sign up for the program. I hope to see you inside and I hope you’re having a beautiful day. I’ll talk to you in the next episode.

Author: Sam Brown