Podcast

Episode 506: My Biggest Perfectionism Lesson From 2024

Today, I’m sharing one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in 2024 — and how it’s reshaped my approach to business, parenting, and life. You’ll also learn about untangling your self-worth from achievement (which is so important for perfectionists), why sufficiency is the key to confidence and clarity, and how to achieve from a place of self-trust and connection rather than judgment and shame.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in the cycle of overthinking, procrastination, or burnout, this episode will inspire you to approach success from a whole new perspective. Tune in today.

Find the full episode transcript and show notes at samlaurabrown.com/episode506.

What To Do Next

If you’re ready to get out of your own way in your business, you want to join my productivity program for perfectionists who are building businesses called Perfectionists Getting Shit Done. Click here to find out more about the program and join the waitlist today: samlaurabrown.com/pgsd.

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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Introduction

Hi, and welcome to another episode of The Perfectionism Project, a podcast full of perfectionism advice for entrepreneurs. My name is Sam Laura Brown. I help entrepreneurs release their perfectionism handbrake so they can get out of their own way and build a fulfilling and profitable business. I’m the founder of the Perfectionists Getting Shit Done group coaching program, which is otherwise known as PGSD. And for even more perfectionism advice to help you with your business, you can follow me on Instagram @perfectionismproject.

Sam Laura Brown – (Start of episode)

[00:00:29] So what I want to do is just share one of the biggest lessons for me from 2024 and what I actually planned to do was have this episode go out at the normal time on Monday morning Australian time or Sunday evening if you’re in the US and I was going to record it last week. And I just wanted to rest.

[00:00:49] I practice what I was preaching in the most recent episode on clean rest. I have just had almost two weeks completely off, fully switched off my business mentally. And also like, I haven’t done any work and my plan had been that if I wanted to do some self coaching around business and some reflecting that I could do that, but I didn’t have to do it if I didn’t want to.

[00:01:12] And I just felt like doing other things. So what I did is decided on my next work day, which is today. It’s actually New Year’s Eve, uh, that I would record this episode and do some reflecting and things like that. And so that is what I’ve been doing. And I initially planned to record this episode on like a comprehensive look at the year in terms of lessons and for myself and to pick out those that I think would be most powerful.

[00:01:38] But what I actually have had come to me as I’ve been reflecting on it, just like in the back of my mind, like what are my biggest business lessons. from this year that the thing that has come up for me, which has felt like kind of like peeling back layers of an onion is this question that I’ve been asked probably since I started coaching by clients who ask me, how do you untangle your self worth from achievement?

[00:02:08] That is one of the things that we perfectionists, we, wind up getting ourselves all twisted up because we just want to achieve as a way to feel loved, as a way to feel connection with ourself, especially with ourselves. We’re judging ourselves and beating ourselves up if we’re not achieving. So we want that connection from ourselves.

[00:02:30] We want that connection and validation and love from others. And so a lot of us perfectionists are high achievers who have achieved a lot of success in their life and not much failure. And typically that’s because we as perfectionists tend to avoid areas of life or projects where we might fail. So anyway, I am constantly asked this question and it’s something I’ve had different answers to at different stages along my own personal development journey and my own journey with perfectionism.

[00:03:00] And I believe the answers that I’ve given have been so helpful and I feel like I’ve just got the next layer to it. this year, which I really want to share. So what I have answered before, and this is like a big reason that clean rest, which is when you are taking time away from your business, you’re developing your personal life, you’re exploring your hobbies, you are feeling your feelings.

[00:03:21] Like you just build a life for yourself outside of business that that clean rest time is really, really, really important. And I still wholeheartedly believe that. And the next layer of that, that I’ve experienced in a painful way, but in a very necessary one, it’s like, okay, the question is how, as I mentioned, how do you untangle or detach your self worth from achievement?

[00:03:48] And the answer that came to me the other day, as I was just pottering about in my little veggie garden is that the way to do that is to go through a period of feeling like you’re not achieving and to have to. Find another way to identify yourself to think about yourself to have to Get that validation approval love connection from others, but especially from ourselves Like I just think as perfectionists the more and more I understand about like all we want is our own goddamn approval All we want as much as it can manifest as you want your parents approval.

[00:04:24] You want society’s approval? You want your friends approval? you want all that validation. It’s because of what we make it mean about ourselves when we get that and the way we think about ourselves and the relationship we have with ourselves when we feel validated by others. So anyway, I was just thinking like, it really is the lesson I’ve learned.

[00:04:42] I’m laughing because it was just being so painful, but I’d really feel like in the last couple of months, I’ve just popped out of the other side of doing so much self coaching, getting coach. Feeling my feelings, all the things, uh, that I help my clients with and through doing that and persisting with it and going through it, that I just feel like the answer to that question is to go through a period of not achieving and not that I really have objectively in the business.

[00:05:16] And I’m going to do another episode debriefing like the finances and like where things are at business wise. But really from the outside my business is still successful and from the inside as well But the story I’ve had for about two years is that I’m not succeeding and that I was Succeeding and I’m not anymore and that felt even more painful than to not be succeeding in the first place So like when I was building the business And I have never created business success before that.

[00:05:48] It was really painful to feel like I wasn’t successful in the business, but it felt even more painful once I was successful in my mind. And then I decided that I wasn’t successful again in my mind. And to feel like my past self had outperformed my present day self versus just feeling like my present day self couldn’t perform.

[00:06:11] And the other epiphany as well, that I was just kind of what I was watching. But when we have this thought as perfectionists, like coaching this so often that I’m behind, I should be further along, that that is really just this shame that comes from feeling like you’re underperforming, feeling like, or believing that, thinking that.

[00:06:30] you aren’t measuring up and meeting expectations, hence why you are behind. Like, what’s the reason you’re behind? Because you’re underperforming, because you’re incapable, because you’re not intelligent enough or whatever specific flavor that takes for you. And so with all of this, and just this realization about like, Oh, my identity had been And has been so attached to the business that really like the business.

[00:06:59] And I have three kids, I have a husband, I have friends, I have a personal life. I work three days a week. So I have four days where I’m doing other things. Completely, I would say I do have a personal life outside of my business. I have that clean rest And yet, especially when I wasn’t feeling like I was succeeding in the business I’ve spent so much mental energy in that time trying to fix things The business trying to figure it out trying to finally get it right trying to not be underperforming trying to not be Doing all the things I shouldn’t be doing And so what it has meant is that my identity without me even realizing it because Like so many people who’ll be listening I love my business.

[00:07:43] I love what I do. I love the clients I help. Like I’m really engaged with it. I’m really curious about it. Like it just feels like the perfect thing for me to be doing professionally. So it’s very easy to kind of just let myself then be thinking about it all the time. and all of that, but what I have really come to realize and really come to see through a lot of just recently, like finding sufficiency with where everything is, like actually celebrating myself and not from this place of like, well, you did the best you could, like you didn’t do well, but you did fine.

[00:08:18] But actually feeling in my body, like the self appreciation validating myself, seeing myself actually like, appreciating myself and what I’ve been able to do when I’ve done all the sufficiency work and really got into a place where I’m not feeling behind. I don’t feel behind. I just, and I know I feel like it’s a big statement from perfectionists to say, I don’t feel behind.

[00:08:44] I don’t feel like I need to rush. And that’s not because the business is doing better than it ever has Circumstantially in terms of revenue. It’s not doing better than it ever has before, but I’m doing better than I ever have before. Because before when the business was making more revenue than it is now, I also had my identity very attached to the business.

[00:09:09] And that didn’t seem to be a problem because the business was succeeding that I was like, okay, well, I feel sufficient. Also at the time when I reflect back, I was feeling like things aren’t working. I have to figure it out, but ultimately I did have a lot of sufficiency in that time, but it was kind of predicated on this.

[00:09:25] Attachment to the business succeeding. So I felt successful, so I felt like I could relax more in my personal time. And now what I’ve had to learn, like the next layer of that, and of course, this would be the lesson for me that I would need to learn so I can teach it to other perfectionists. But once I got that, it’s like, okay, now how do you relate to yourself when you’re not succeeding?

[00:09:45] That’s great. You figured out how to go from not taking action to taking action. And then you’ve gone from taking action in your business that doesn’t really result in sales to taking action that does result in sales, which is now what I’m helping one on one clients with. And then you’ve had that have you make hundreds of thousands of dollars in a year working three days per week and doing that multiple years in a row.

[00:10:10] Okay, and now how do you relate to yourself when things feel a lot harder? When you are feeling like and just like not trusting yourself anymore and all of this and like okay and how’s your relationship with yourself now it’s like you can have a really great relationship with your partner or with your kids or with a friend when everything is going amazingly but what’s your relationship like when things are hard when one of you or both of you are failing when you’re in that hard spot.

[00:10:40] And for me, it just unveiled a lot of thinking that needed to be work on, worked on and feelings that needed to be processed as well. And so when it came to really like for the last two years, I would say Feeling like I just needed to put so much pressure on myself to be better I’ve talked about this in different episodes of the podcast So if you’ve been listening along none of this will be news to you But just putting so much pressure on myself to be like performing better than I ever had before even though I’d just given birth to the twins and like all these different things that But ultimately now, I feel like I’m just in a place of so much sufficiency, so much okayness with where the business is.

[00:11:24] I don’t feel rushed. I don’t feel like I have to be better than I am. And I feel more trusting of myself. than ever before. I’ve been talking about this with quite a few of my one on one coaching clients of this difference between nitpicking and questioning yourself, which comes from insufficiency, inadequacy, and believing that you should be doing better versus improving from a place of sufficiency, improving from a place of being connected with yourself and trusting yourself.

[00:11:55] And as perfectionists, we often have achieved all of our, high achieving things through this place of beating ourselves up, judging ourselves and shaming ourselves. And so the lesson then becomes, okay, how do I achieve? Cause we want to keep achieving, but how do we achieve from a much healthier place where we achieve in a way that creates more connection with ourselves and not less connection with ourselves or not this kind of conditional connection and conditional love with ourselves of like, I will love me if I’m performing.

[00:12:27] If I’m not performing, I will not love me. And so having this shift, I just feel like in such a place going into 2025 and finishing 2024 of just feeling like I know what I’m doing. I. can trust myself deeply and from that place i’m going to upskill the most i’m going to learn the most i actually want to challenge myself in a productive way but i am in a place of self trust because i trust that even if i fail at that challenge that i will be okay versus being worried that if I fail at that challenge, I’m going to get a beat up from my future self and all this judgment and shame.

[00:13:12] And so then in that situation, I don’t even try to challenge myself because I’m so worried of what will happen if I fail at that challenge. So I know as well through now, 10 years or more than that, I started my business in 2013. 11 years in business and much of that being personal development and using business as a way to develop personally, that when I am in a place of sufficiency and self trust, I do the best in business.

[00:13:45] Way better than when I’m trying to get it right and trying just in this like really stressed tense state of trying to do the right thing and trying to get the strategy right and just trying to Be better that when I actually trust myself, I’m much more intuitive. And in the feminine energy, I still love the structure.

[00:14:05] I love flexible structure. That’s what power planning is about. It’s a flexible planning method so that you have structure, but then you have so much flexibility within that structure so that you can follow your intuition. If that’s what you like to do, you can move things around. You can get more rest or work more like.

[00:14:23] Change the plans as you go, but I love having a plan and then having the allowance from myself to adapt the plan So that’s really i’m going to do an episode on what my plans are for 2025 But that’s really what i’m thinking about as well for the year is having flexible structure that really supports me even more to trust myself, to show up, to feel the feelings, to do all the things that are absolutely essential for business growth and not even necessarily growth.

[00:14:57] I’ll talk about that more in that episode, but really like having a business of ease, fun, which is a word that like, I never talk on this podcast about having more fun. Like that just hasn’t even been a paradigm that I’ve been thinking in, that it’s like, Yes, what would it look like if it was easy, but having more fun and how can I have fun while building my business is something I just have to work so hard to try and get my brain to think about.

[00:15:26] But that is a primary question that I’m going into the new year with of how can I have it be funner and easier and lighter and less dramatic. And a big part of this as well, bringing it back to the overall lesson and just that question of like, how do you untangle it? Yeah. It’s having a life outside of business.

[00:15:48] And what I’ve realized and seen is that my, because of my identity and so attached to the business, I have other things going on in my personal life and I’ve engaged with them and all of that, but I haven’t actually been giving the rest of my life the attention it deserves because I’ve been so overly focused on the business.

[00:16:10] And there are different seasons of life where you want to be focused on different things. And the way I think about it is it’s never going to be exactly perfect, focus on all the different areas the same amount. There are going to be seasons where it’s like, Hey, this is really like a career development, business development, professional season for me.

[00:16:26] Or this is really about family for me. Or this is really about health for me. Like I think it’s very normal to have one portion of that. Be bigger than the others and to have a focus on that, moving the needle in that way, or just really being all in on that area. And then naturally as the seasons change, you will then enter a season where you’re focusing on something different.

[00:16:46] And so before I had kids, for me, that season that I was in was really focusing on the business. And now I’m really in a family season, having three little ones and just wanting to spend time with them and with my husband, Steve. And so, With this seasons and thinking about it that way i’ve just been like, oh But I haven’t actually even though i’m in a family season And I work three days a week on my business.

[00:17:12] So I spend most of my time Having time with the kids I have four days full days that i’m with the kids and I see them every morning and every evening on my work days So I have a lot of time but in my brain I’m still only like solving business problems in my head and i’m only thinking about You And not only, but primarily when it comes to moving things forward and all of that, I’m taking care of the rest of my life, but I’m not thinking about it and like challenging myself or like growing in different areas that I need to grow personally that aren’t business related.

[00:17:45] And so what I am going to be doing from this lesson of just seeing like, Oh, actually, I don’t want to have all my identity wrapped up in the business. And I don’t want to have it all wrapped up in being a mom either. I want to have. My own identity as well Beyond those two things like those are different areas of my life But what else do I like doing and exploring?

[00:18:07] And I think a lot of times as moms and as parents in general, we’re told like, Oh yeah, well, you know, that’s not really the time to be thinking about you. And like, you know, of course you don’t have hobbies and all of this. And I just don’t see why that has to be true because. It’s such an important part of being a human is having different facets of your identity and your life.

[00:18:29] And you can include your family with them, or you can overlap it with business. And it can also be completely separate. But I realized as well in the most recent episode I did about having non parenting non business time. And I said, I don’t have much of it. Just hearing myself say that on an episode, I was like, is that true?

[00:18:48] Like, do I think that’s actually true? And yes, there are strategies. I can do to have more time, but like what’s the outcome of that thought and everything like that. And so I won’t go into it too much in this episode. But what I realized is that when I’m thinking that thought, when I have time that’s not business time and not parenting time, I tend not to use it really well because I don’t really know what I want to do with it.

[00:19:12] I also don’t really make more of that time again, because I don’t really know what I want to do with it beyond just like, you know, working on things that would help me be a better parent or like doing stuff for the kids and all of that. Like I don’t have hobbies and things like that. And just really seeing how, like, I actually have a lot of non parenting, non business time in my time off that I’ve just had.

[00:19:35] Even just, like, randomly throughout the day. I just, especially a day when I had the kids by myself, I was like, right now I’m not working and I’m not parenting. Even if the kids were around me, I’m like, but literally I’m not parenting, I’m just like, they’re playing and I’m just sitting here. Oh, like I’m having a shower or I’m doing a workout or I have two and a half hours or whatever when they’re napping.

[00:19:57] So just things like that. Anyway, this is just a really chatty episode. We updated you on my lesson from the year. So I hope it’s helpful to hear me talk through it, but When it comes to how I’m applying this is to actually Right size so to speak or like lessen my focus on the business And have more focus In my personal life and have more presence mentally Not just like being present and listening to what other people are saying or like Being present when, when I’m with the kids, but like having personal projects that I’m working on and moving forward, like working on my personal development personally, that there is mindset work for sure to be done in my personal life that I think for me as well, what’s been most comfortable.

[00:20:46] to do my personal development is to do it through the business. And now I’m at this point, and when I say through the business, I mean through the process of growing a business, I have had to overcome so many of the thought patterns that were unhelpful. And I have learned so much about myself that has benefited all areas of my life.

[00:21:06] Like it has been an incredible personal development tool that has benefited every area of my life. And now I’m at a place where I can actually directly, I feel like I have the self trust and the ability to support myself to directly get coaching as well on whatever personal area I need to have coaching on or want more support in versus having the business be my only opportunity.

[00:21:31] or my main personal development tool, if that makes sense. So what I’m going to be doing from this as well is just having 2025, I’ll talk about this more in that episode, but have it be a year of like exploring hobbies, like getting back into my veggie garden, which I mentioned before, like having that.

[00:21:51] actually be something that I’m not just like doing and like, Oh yeah, I need to remember to water my plants. But like actually the way that I engage with business, for example, that I’m doing that with that, that I’m watching like YouTube videos on how to grow cause lettuce without it bolting, which is what just happened to mine where it thinks it’s going to die.

[00:22:10] And then it like, cause it was too hot. Then it like starts growing up really fast. to go to seed because it thinks it’s about to die. So it’s trying to reproduce, have the seeds and all of that. Anyway, so just actually letting myself learn about those things. And there are other hobbies that I’ve had as well that I have dropped over the years or just not been as focused on.

[00:22:31] I’ve been doing so much reading. I’ve been reading about one book a week. a fiction book recently, Darling Girls by Sally Hepworth is so good. Just read that. Um, so, oh, and the Nightingale, I just finished by Kristen Hannah. So good. Oh my God. That book has changed me. I love that book. Um, so anyway, I’ve been doing a lot of reading because I was like, I identify so strongly as a reader whenever I do an ideal day exercise, It involves reading and yet I was like I’ve read like one book in the last 12 months like my My identity around it and who I want to be isn’t actually reflecting in my reality that I’m someone who buys books and all of that, but I’m not reading them.

[00:23:19] So like, I’m actually going to prioritize reading, um, doing workouts, like hard workouts, and just like taking care of myself in that way. Prioritizing that again, there’s just lots of things that I’ve either deprioritized or I haven’t explored. Um, like there’s some interior design things, um, that I want to do in the house that we finished the in at the end of 2021.

[00:23:43] Lydia was six months old and we moved back in and I’ve had a plan for certain rooms of like the hallway. For example, I have ideas and, um, I’ve looked on Pinterest and all these different things of like what I want to have in the hallway, but then I haven’t actually done it and in our bedroom as well.

[00:24:01] And a few things like that, that I actually just want to. move a lot of personal projects that have been dormant forward, create new ones, do, I love doing DIY stuff and learning more about like using the tools and all the different things, um, and DIY YouTube channels, stuff like that. So I just feel like for me this year, and I want to say even like December, Has been like the crystallizing of so many lessons from a two year period of feeling like I was failing because I was telling myself I was failing because I wasn’t meeting a made up standard that I made up for myself.

[00:24:42] And then actually being like, Oh, wait, that’s just a thought that I’m thinking, because I was just like, okay, once the business is better, then I’ll feel better. And that thought pattern didn’t help me make the business better. It just had me spinning my wheels, doing lots of planning and then being rushed to execute things I’ve talked podcast.

[00:25:03] As well in like I think the last launch debrief episode that I did as well. I’ve talked about this a bit uh, but just finding myself in this cycle of like wanting to have Needing to have a cash injection because I just hadn’t been Focusing on foundational things and then being like, oh wait We need more cash in the business and then doing something to produce that and then producing that Feeling a sense of relief and then like a month later being like, oh wait, we need to do it again And so what I had to do You Was just bring myself to a place of sufficiency with how everything was Not this sufficiency that we can do this as perfectionists.

[00:25:40] It’s kind of this like going to the future In your brain to try and find sufficiency now, so for example Like allowing yourself to feel okay now because okay next year is going to be so good Like we love doing this in the new year 2025 is going to be amazing. So I feel better about where I am now because it’s going to get better.

[00:25:59] That isn’t sufficiency. That is conditional sufficiency and it’s not actually what does the job. It really is. I’m okay with everything exactly as it is, even if it doesn’t change. I’m okay with it, how it is right now, even if it doesn’t change. It is sufficient. And that doesn’t mean there aren’t things you want to improve because we can think we’ll get lazy, complacent, we won’t be motivated.

[00:26:25] But I just want you to think about like how well you do when someone is nitpicking you, micromanaging you, always over your shoulder, always telling you you’re doing it wrong. Most people I know, I mean a lot of us like we can perform under those circumstances and we do. Do we have fun? No. And do we achieve as much as we can?

[00:26:47] No. Because we tend to avoid anything that could result in us making a mistake because of how we’ll be treated if we make the mistake. So we play small. we hide, we do the safe thing, we do the guaranteed thing, we do lots of procrastinate learning to try and get it right. And so it really is just just like having the self trust and the sufficiency of everything is okay exactly as it is.

[00:27:15] When I got to that place through reconnecting with Mindset work, which is exactly what I teach But the mindset work because when I go into that like the shame spiral and the stress My brain wants to go to strategy, especially like business wise it goes into I need to find the right strategy I need to focus on like the business how to versus It’s my thoughts and my feelings that create my result and that determine how I execute upon the strategy and the strategy’s effectiveness.

[00:27:44] So it’s not that strategy doesn’t matter, but the thoughts and feelings driving how you execute the strategy. If the strategy is the action you’re taking, if you were thinking a thought, this is never going to work. or people don’t have the money to pay me, the result you will create from executing the strategy that other people might have success with isn’t going to be you succeeding because it’s fueled by a thought that people don’t want it, that you’re not going to be able to do it and all these different things.

[00:28:11] And so I’ve just been so onto myself coaching, getting coached, being so much more open and vulnerable with my coaching with myself and when I’m getting coached and just also reconnecting with. the money mindset work, um, and manifestation and that side of things as well. I was just able to really find a place of sufficiency.

[00:28:31] And then from that place, business wise, we have been getting great results. But I had to get to sufficiency first. I had to feel it in my body. before there was any proof of it. And I kept wanting there to be proof for me to believe. And then once I was like, well, actually I’m going to be okay first.

[00:28:51] That’s when I was then able to show up for the business the way it needed me to show up for it so that I could create results. And it’s been easier and funner and more light than when I was trying to push and force and stress my way there. And so I love that that has been the lesson for me because It is such an important lesson for perfectionists and of course doing what I do I’ve got to go first and learn it the hard way, the painful way oftentimes to really like sit up and pay attention because that wasn’t a lesson I wanted to learn.

[00:29:25] I didn’t actively want to learn like, okay, how, like, what’s it like to really go through a period, an extended period of feeling like you’re failing after you felt like you’re really succeeding. And how do you navigate that and come out the other side of that, even when things aren’t looking how you want them to, like, how do you get yourself to that place of emotional sufficiency and okayness with yourself, with things as they are to then be able to turn it around, like.

[00:29:53] I didn’t want to learn that. I just wanted to keep succeeding. I just wanted to keep being on like the up, up, up trajectory. And I love as well that just like the way I do things in my business. That I get to be an example of business, not being like every year, you just make more and more money and more and more profit and things just get easier and easier and easier zoomed out.

[00:30:14] That’s the trajectory zoomed out, but in it month to month, year to year, that’s not how business really works for anyone. If you’re in business long enough, there will be the ups and downs. It’s just part of there being cycles, seasons, And all of that. And so just having that lesson of like, oh, it’s like this expectation I have that I should just be making more and more and more and more money every single year, no matter what’s going on in my personal life, no matter what’s going on in the economy, just like I should be better every year.

[00:30:47] That didn’t serve me. And it actually stopped me from being able to have it be better and better and better because of that thought pattern. Like the thought pattern that I thought would create that actually kept me away from it because it was driven by inadequacy and insufficiency and wanting to prove and this kind of expectation.

[00:31:09] That I should always be performing. And just to wrap up, I know I’ve just shared a lot of, like, I can feel myself talking fast. I have a lot of thoughts about it. I’ve just been like sharing with you. I hope it’s helpful to hear, but really when I’ve been thinking about, um, this analogy, because as I said, I’m revitalizing the veggie garden.

[00:31:31] So I have been spending time there. And it’s just the perfect analogy. I love my driving analogies, climbing mountains, gardens, probably going to be my next category because of just how appropriate it is for just thinking about things. But in a garden, so for example, right now we in Australia are in summer and things don’t grow the same.

[00:31:56] There’s seasons. So we have in Brisbane, where I live, we have summer, which is really hot spring and autumn, which are quite hot and then winter, which is still a little hot, but it’s cold, but it’s still by any standard of winter around the world. We have a very warm winter, but even so, We have different seasons and there are some vegetables and fruit that grow better in some seasons than others.

[00:32:23] And there are certain times of year where there aren’t many things that are going to thrive. And I was talking to a friend about this recently, and he does a lot of gardening. He was just saying like at this time of year, a lot of people, what they just do is they prep their garden for the season. Like for us, that’s around March for when it’s not as hard, the conditions aren’t as harsh.

[00:32:44] And so they’ll like be pulling up things that are no longer growing, mulching, like doing all this stuff to just prep and just getting ready. So when the time does come to plant the seeds that they are able and ready to do that. And it was just such a perfect. analogy for me to think about having like how things aren’t always in nature meant to be growing all the time and that there are times like when there’s, I’m not a farmer by any stretch, by any stretch of the imagination, but there’s a season that you are sowing And then things are growing and then you’re harvesting and then it might be winter.

[00:33:22] And then after the winter, you sow it again, then it grows and then you harvest. And it’s that cycle. And I think for so many of us, I see this in a lot of my peers, in a lot of my business friends and myself, that we have this expectation that, Oh, but business, it should always be growing. It should just always be on the up and up and up.

[00:33:43] And we tend to then filter. The stories that we hear in a way that confirms that. So if someone’s having a hard time, we dismiss that. We still listen to it, but like, Oh yeah, they say it’s hard, but like they’re still successful. Like we just, this is how our brains work. The reticular activated system. Like we will just distort, delete and generalize reality to meet and fulfill the beliefs that we already have.

[00:34:08] So that confirmation bias, if you believe. your business should only be making more and more and more revenue each year. When you hear someone who isn’t having that experience, you will have a reason. Oh yeah, but this is why that happened for them. This is why, and it’ll all be to try and keep proving the story true that every year it should go up and up and up.

[00:34:28] And that’s what I have been doing. I’ve had a lot of stories about people having ups and downs in their business in terms of revenue, in terms of profit. And yet for me, I still had this expectation in this story that that shouldn’t happen, that that shouldn’t be what happens for me. If I am doing that, if I am experiencing that, I’m failing, I’ve made a mistake.

[00:34:49] And to just have the relief of like, oh wait, that’s all normal. And I truly get that now. Like I truly, Truly, truly, truly get it. I don’t have any shame about it. Like I just feel like I have done a lot of work this year to process My thoughts and feelings around that because at the beginning of this year I remember I posted in the facebook group for the mastermind that I was in at the time Just being like I feel like Such a failure that like this is the circumstance I have for like Revenue and profit in 2022 and then in 2023 and like, I’ve just fucked it up.

[00:35:26] I’ve messed it up. Like what have I done? And to be in a place now, a year later to just really get that I was just having such a normal experience, but because of the perfectionism and my brain thinking that way and interpreting things in a way that made me wrong, I actually created a lot of suffering that was completely unnecessary.

[00:35:52] As perfectionism tends to do, that when we’re thinking in that perfectionist way, we interpret reality in a way that makes us wrong and imperfect. In a way that has us beating ourselves up, shaming ourselves, and then we get so focused on how wrong we are that we don’t even make it right. Because we’re so shameful.

[00:36:14] For a lot of us, we are very then avoidant. We’re frozen. We’re just like, all you go into that fight mode and you’re just like trying to work and work and work and just like do all the things. Rather than being in this calm sufficient place of like, okay, here’s what’s going on. Even if I made a mistake, which I will definitely sometimes do.

[00:36:33] Here’s what I’m learning from that mistake and moving forward. When we blame ourselves and when we shame ourselves, and this was the lesson I was originally going to talk about when we’re in shame and blame and when we are in a rush. And not trusting ourselves. You can’t get the lessons. I couldn’t get the lessons when I was in that place.

[00:36:56] I had to process the shame. I had to stop being in a rush to get to somewhere better when I’d finally feel good again. I had to actually get out of that to be able to support myself to get the lesson and then to challenge myself and to learn and grow. Like now that I feel like I’m in such a place of self trust, I can take much harder coaching from the coaches that I have and just hear harder things about myself because I’m not going to beat myself up about it.

[00:37:27] the way that I would have before. Am I perfect at it? No. Still a human, still have a lot of perfectionist thoughts that are going on, but it is worlds apart. And just this year has really taught me that if I am feeling shame about it, I have to do that. processing first to be able to get the lesson and move on.

[00:37:54] But typically if I’m in shame about it, I’ll be avoided and not want to look or I’ll just be in such a big rush to try and get out of the shame, to try and get out of the inadequacy. But when I actually let myself be with it, process it, cry if I need to, it tends to be relatively quick when I actually let myself engage with that.

[00:38:14] Then I can actually get the lessons and move forward and I see this with a lot of my coaching clients that If you are in a place where you are judging yourself really harshly The coaching like the coaching you will always get is to stop beating yourself up Because if you’re beating yourself up, you can’t get the lessons.

[00:38:31] You can’t move forward. So you have to be able to stop that um, basically like What’s the best word for it? It’s this very indulgent, like we connect with ourselves through beating ourselves up. It’s like how we get our own attention and relate to ourselves. And like, it’s kind of crazy to think about, but for a lot of us, that is how we relate to ourselves.

[00:38:56] Like that’s the normal way to be in our relationship with ourselves. And for a lot of perfectionists, that would be the default way. I’d say pretty much for all perfectionists, that is a default way to relate to yourself. Is to make yourself wrong to beat yourself up and we’re doing this like preemptively to try and Then not have others do that We would rather make ourselves wrong than have someone make us wrong because if someone else sees it Then we feel even worse if it’s just something we saw ourselves so If you are beating yourself up and making yourself wrong, you have to solve that bit first before you can even begin solving the actual problem that’s going on or the mistake or anything like that.

[00:39:35] And so I’ve learned that so many, so many times over in so many ways, and particularly the last two years. And I just feel so grateful. For the last two years. I just feel like I’ve talked about many times with the beginning of my business that it took me three years to make my first dollar in my business.

[00:39:55] Thank you. Perfectionism that had me so scared to take action and have anything for sale. And so it took me three years. And so much of the value that I have created in the world through my business has come from the lessons that I learned firsthand through that period. And I just feel like I have been through another one of those periods where I know the lessons that I can teach, the way that I can coach now is I can just see things.

[00:40:30] That I hadn’t seen before because I hadn’t seen them in myself and now I can just see things in such a clearer way I can coach in such a more nuanced way and without it being overwhelming to the client. But I can just, my awareness is through the roof, through this period. So many lessons that are so important for business, for life, perfectionism, personal development.

[00:40:57] And I am just, So goddamn excited about 2025. I’ll share more in the episode coming up about what my plans are, about what I’m going to be doing business wise, about how I’m thinking about everything, all of that. I love sharing that. So I’m going to be walking you through it in that episode and sharing all the things, but it really in so many ways is going to be, I think, an incredible year.

[00:41:23] business wise because of me allowing myself to spend more time in my personal life and I just have such a strong knowing that by me allowing myself to Not have the business be the primary focus in my brain that the business will be more successful And I will be more successful in the business by not having it be the be all end all That I’ll just be able and I know this from experience of times where i’ve been like this Is that like when we’re doing the renovation, for example, with our house, that was quite a big project that we were working on.

[00:42:02] We didn’t do the physical work, but we did like, there was a lot that goes into a lot of decisions and planning and all of that. And when I had that as well to work on outside of business time, I was like, Hey, business time, get into the business, do my stuff and then go back out to the other things that I’m doing when I haven’t had that as much, or I have had that, but I haven’t allowed myself to fully focus on it.

[00:42:22] Then I’ve just like created and manufactured problems and drama in the business Because it was like my main source of entertainment. I wasn’t Getting that from elsewhere. And so i’m just really excited to have my business be a little bit boring in a really like Fun, easy, lightweight, like it’s not like boring, boring.

[00:42:41] How do I even word this? Essentially removing the drama from it and having other things going on in my life, which I already have, but like being focused on them, engaging them, exploring other things. and having my business be really constrained to the business time that I have, having more time within my business time for reading business books and personal development books and like things like that, that I’ve been like, I have to do that in my personal time.

[00:43:08] But just having a lot more freedom in my personal time. Sorry, in my business time, while still having the structure, I will still definitely be doing my power planning and all of that. But having just, I guess, a more intuitive, feminine, flowy kind of approach to it all, which I’m really excited to do because I know from when I look at all the lessons I’ve learned over the last decade, when I have been The most focused on mindset work, like the thoughts and feelings I’m having, processing feelings.

[00:43:43] Um, and we talk about and teach all of this in PGSD and then in my one on one coaching as well, that all of that, like money mindset as well, like all those different things. When I’m so connected with that, when I actually honor like my work. Rhythms and cycles versus just trying to like be productive all the time.

[00:44:03] I do so much better. The business does so much better. Everything feels so much easier when there is a challenge. I have way more capacity to handle it when there is something that’s genuinely hard because i’m not manufacturing hard things just to try and feel deserving or to like occupy myself or busy myself.

[00:44:19] So when there genuinely is something hard I can handle it so much better and so much more easily. So I just feel such a sense of completion and over the last couple of weeks I’ve been doing, um, like not the last week when I had off. Um, but before that, like in PGSD, we did a annual review exercise and then we did a planning exercise for the new year and things like that.

[00:44:42] Like I’ve just been doing a lot of my own work on reflecting on the year, bringing the lessons together. A lot of the work on sufficiency, also just coaching my one on one clients, particularly that so many lessons have crystallized so much sufficiency and just feeling the best that I have in the last couple of years, for sure.

[00:45:06] But I would probably say ever in terms of the business, as I mentioned when the business had been succeeding, but it was, I felt successful because Of my attachment to the business, not because of having an identity beyond that. And I just feel like to bring it all together, having a period of time, an extended period, not just like a few hard weeks, like a really extended period of feeling like I have been failing and then digging myself out of that mentally.

[00:45:37] And then having reality reflect that as proof that I’d done the mental work has been so. So, so, so incredible and just, I feel so much more connected with myself again, trusted in myself, like all those things. And that I also feel like I’m beginning to really fully develop myself outside of having the business as well, which I know might sound Weird as a mom of three like I have other things that I do it.

[00:46:07] I know I keep mentioning that but Mentally, it’s really what I’m talking about is like where you are mentally and what problems you’re solving mentally and challenges you’re trying to overcome mentally and I’m just really excited to be engaged in my personal life in a different way and in my business in a different way and not from this right way or wrong way or like any of that Just like, how do I want to do it?

[00:46:31] What do I want to do in 2025? What do I want it to look like? What would it look like if it was easy? What would it look like if it was fun? What would most support me? Not just like, how can I get it right and be better? Like, I’ve had those questions as a driving force. It was not fun and it was not helpful, ultimately.

[00:46:53] So that is my, or those are my biggest lessons from this year, from the last two years, particularly. And I don’t think I did a wrap up one last year. I can’t remember, but I did do around the end of last year, a launch reflection debrief where I talked about sufficiency. And that was really helpful. In so many ways, like the beginning of this realization and work that I’ve done in the last month of just really getting to a place where I feel that in my body and it’s starting to feel more like home and that I visit insufficiency versus insufficiency feeling like the home or inadequacy.

[00:47:36] or shame, whatever other word you want to call it, and that I’m visiting a place of sufficiency, I feel like it’s starting to flip and that my nervous system is now having to get comfortable with things feeling good. And that, that feels so much more uncomfortable than when I am in that insufficiency.

[00:47:57] There’s a lot of other worries and things like that, that if I’m feeling stressed about the business or whatever, then I tend not to be as focused on that because I’m busy mentally occupying myself with the business. But when the business is going well, then it brings up other things in my life to work on, which is an amazing thing.

[00:48:14] I want that. And also it feels more uncomfortable in a lot of ways. And some people will be able to relate to this. Some might not, but. It feels like the business is more controllable and like more solvable than certain things in my personal life. And so it’s easier to have the business be the thing I’m trying to work on because it feels like there’s a real solution and there’s not as much at stake compared with other areas of life.

[00:48:40] So I’m just, yeah. Excited to bring, like I am a life coach to bring my coaching practice, my self coaching practice of like getting coaching all these things into other areas of my life, as well as continuing to have it in business. I will always have a business coach. I will always have, um, that kind of support.

[00:48:58] So important. That’s a major lesson from 2023. Didn’t have a business coach or like somewhere to get that support. Oh, I paid for that in so many ways. Just, it’s so important to have somewhere to go that they can look at your brain and help you see what’s going on and support you and help you process feelings and all of that.

[00:49:18] So I always have a business coach and now I want to bring that to my personal life as well. And just, I just feel like I’m becoming. I said, I’ll wrap up a few times. This is the wrap up that I have felt like this has been a reinvention this period, especially after having the twins. I’ve talked about how, cause I had three under the age of two for a period.

[00:49:45] Liddy was 19 months when the twins were born. So I feel like that was kind of the beginning of my like identity crisis, if you will, of just being like, wait, all the things I was doing before, I can’t do them the same anymore. Like practically speaking, my day to day life has changed dramatically. One child, I can pop Lydie in the carrier and we can go out.

[00:50:05] Three kids, it’s different. I’m just needing to figure out different ways to do things. And I feel like that has really been the beginning of a reinvention of myself and not trying to like go back to anything to move forward, to become the next version of me. And I feel like in the last couple of years, the twins almost two, that like all these little pieces have started clicking together.

[00:50:27] And now it just feels like me actually allowing myself to give so much more attention to my personal life. Physically and most importantly mentally and allowing myself to fully flesh that out is just feeling like part of that reinvention and I’m really excited for that. And just to have business be one area of my life versus it being like the main thing that’s going on for me mentally.

[00:50:57] So with all of that said, Those are my reflections. Oh, I feel like I’ve just been chatting rapid fire, but it has been incredible. And I’m so grateful. So, so grateful to my clients, to my coaches, to my peers, to my family. Like, I just feel So feel full of gratitude, of appreciation for myself, for others as well, and just like, in the best possible place, I don’t feel any pressure from myself, I just feel trust that I can figure it out, that I can do what needs to be done, that when it comes time to work, I will work, that when it’s time to rest, I will rest, like I just feel so much more at home with myself, Bye!

[00:51:41] than I ever have. And I’m just excited to be exploring that even more and getting even more into that. So those are my lessons. I hope it’s been helpful. If it has, send me a DM on Instagram. I’m @perfectionismproject. I love to hear from you. So, uh, please send that in. I’ll take a screenshot and tag me and I will be releasing an episode coming up soon in the next few days.

[00:52:09] I think on the like financial reflections for 2024. I love sharing that. As well, just helping you normalize things, talking through certain things. So I’m really excited to do that. And then I’m also going to be doing an episode on my plans for 2025. So stay tuned for all of that. And then at the end of January, we are going to be opening my program Perfectionists Getting Shit Done for enrollment. So it’ll be open for enrollment for a week. And if you aren’t on the wait list, you can go to samlaurabrown.com/PGSD to sign up for that. It’ll be in the show notes. where you can go. But PGSD is my productivity program for perfectionist entrepreneurs to help you go from procrastinating, overthinking, getting it in your own way, to actually taking action, to showing up consistently, to actually feeling like you have a real business.

[00:53:04] And I am obsessed with the transformations that come out of that program, with the results that people are being able to create and just. The shifts in the way that they can go from, and this was the work I mentioned that I had to do in the beginning of like, I know what I need to do and I’m literally just not doing it because I’m so scared of failing, of succeeding, of making a mistake, of looking stupid, like I just had so many perfectionist thoughts.

[00:53:32] Thoughts and fears that were stopping me from taking action and my business couldn’t succeed if I wasn’t taking any action. If I was just always planning or procrastinate learning, or like I’d post on my blog and then I wouldn’t post again for three months. And so I had to learn how to start taking action and how to do that consistently and do that without burning out.

[00:53:53] So that is what we teach inside Perfectionists Getting Shit Done. And then one on one coaching as well. I want to mention that that is like, once you’re taking action, When you then want to have that action Result in more sales and when you’re in PGSD When everyone comes in they naturally increase their sales because when you start taking action You will make more sales.

[00:54:13] You will make more money in your business And then typically what happens is you reach a kind of plateau And you then need to overcome the perfectionism that is stopping you from selling, showing up, believing in what you do, proudly talking about it, putting yourself out there, all those different things.

[00:54:29] And so that is what I’m teaching in my one on one coaching that I’m doing. So there are still a couple of spots open for that. So go to samlaurabrown.com/coaching. I believe if you want to apply to work with me one on one, which I’m so excited to be doing one on one again. Oh my God. That has just been a massive part too of like me feeling so invigorated about the business. I’m obsessed with one on one coaching. Oh my God. Steve was telling one of our friends the other day, like one on one coaching is like crack for me. Probably not a good analogy, but like, I’m so energized every time I walk out of my office after a one on one coaching call.

[00:55:06] So anyway, if you want to be one of my one on one coaching clients, and you are someone who is, you know, perfect with your action, but you do take action and it just isn’t translating into the results you want it to. I’m your girl. I can help you with that for sure. It’s one of my favorite things to help clients with.

[00:55:25] So sign up or sorry, apply. To work with me one on one, um, you can find out more about it all there too, but exciting things are coming and I just feel in the best place with things exactly as they are and open to the challenges that will be in the future. I’m sure, um, the wins, all of it. So. Yeah, hope it’s helpful.

[00:55:50] I hope you’ve had an amazing holiday season so far, whether you’ve been working or not. Happy new year, only a few hours of time of recording this until the new year. So happy new year. And I hope you’re having a beautiful day. I’ll talk to you in the next episode.

Outro

If you enjoy this podcast, I recommend signing up for the waitlist for my program called Perfectionists Getting Shit Done, aka PGSD. This is a program designed to help you get out of your own way in your business. You’re going to learn how to release your perfectionism handbrake by setting a growth goal for your business, planning properly as a perfectionist with power planning and getting regular guilt free clean rest.

You’ll learn the skills required to get out of your own way and be supported every step of the way to do it. To find out more about the program and join the waitlist today, go to samlaurabrown.com/pgsd.


Author: Sam Brown