An Honest Post About Self-Confidence

Episode 275: Personal Growth Update April + May 2021

I feel like it’s a little ironic that I’m writing a blog post about self-confidence.

And that’s not because I have no self-confidence. Actually, quite the contrary. I honestly do believe I can achieve anything I truly want to achieve. I honestly do believe nothing is off limits. I honestly do believe nothing is beyond my reach.

But my god, it’s so easy to forget all of that when I’m going about my day-to-day life.

It’s so easy to let fear and self-doubt completely consume my thoughts.

My struggle with self-doubt

This isn’t the first time I’m writing about self-doubt (proof right here).

Despite being surrounded by an overwhelming amount of evidence that I shouldn’t doubt myself, I still do. I let myself entertain the idea that I’m not good enough, that no one gives a fuck about what I have to say and that I won’t be successful.

And those thoughts play on repeat on a daily basis – no catalyst required. They just come up, no matter what’s going on around me and no matter the number of people telling me I’m doing an amazing job.

But here I am, writing a post about self-confidence. And doing my damn best to be completely honest about it.

And just so you know – I send out a motivational boost straight to your inbox every Monday – Friday. These will help keep you going throughout the week as a perfectionist. To sign up, click here.



The truth about self-confidence

I don’t want to give you any of that fluffy, useless advice we hear all the time. I don’t want to tell you to dress well, stand up straight, smile more, think happy thoughts and fake it til you make it.

I think all of that advice is complete bullshit.

Being more confident is not as simple as flicking a switch. There’s no quick and easy answer.

We’re talking about changing thoughts and beliefs that have been hardwired into our brains over a matter of years, if not decades.

It takes hard work to improve your self-confidence.

Confidence comes from our thoughts

It’s our thoughts that create confidence, not our results.

I know, I know, I know – it really feels like our results create our confidence. We always think things like ‘I’ll have more self-confidence when I have a better body’, ‘I’ll have more self-confidence when I ace that exam’, ‘I’ll have more self-confidence when I have a boyfriend’, ‘I’ll have more self-confidence when I get a job offer’.

And sometimes we do feel more confident after those things happen, but that’s not because those events made us more confident. It’s because we gave ourselves permission to feel confident after those events happened.

It really is our thoughts that create our confidence because, quite often, achieving those things doesn’t lead to the self-confidence we hoped for and expected. We’ve achieved what we wanted to achieve, but we’re still thinking the same thoughts as before, so we still don’t feel confident.

Those achievements just bring up new fears and doubts. And then we set our sights further into the future, pinning our self-confidence on some new result – an even better body, an even better exam result, a more loving boyfriend, an even better job.

If we want more self-confidence, we have to work on our thoughts and not on our appearance. It’s our thoughts that determine whether we feel conifident.

Confidence and perfectionism

How could I write this blog post without mentioning my fave topic – perfectionism.

I think most perfectionists are pretty damn familiar with fear and self-doubt.

As perfectionists, we feel like we’re never doing enough and we’ll never be enough, no matter how successful our life looks from the outside. And it’s pretty hard to feel confident when you believe that!

Part of improving my self-confidence has been learning how to let go of the need for my life to look perfect, but it hasn’t been easy.

Here are a few things that have helped me:

A few things that will help

You might already know that I’m in LOVE with podcasts (you can find out my top 10 here) and that I’m obsessed with The Life Coach School Podcast by Brooke Castillo. And there are a few episodes from that podcast that I’ve found extremely helpful when it comes to learning how to feel more confident.

As I already mentioned, there’s a lot of shit advice out there.

So I wanted to share these podcast episodes because they’re truly the only thing that has helped me with self-confidence (sometimes I feel like I should be on Brooke’s marketing team because I talk about this podcast so much, but I swear I have no affiliation with her – I just LOVE it that much).

And just in case you’re not into audio, you can find a transcript of each of the episodes at the links below.

Here are the episodes I’ve found helpful:

Do you struggle with self-confidence and self-doubt? And is there something you’ve done, or some advice you’ve received, that has helped you?

Please leave me a comment below to let me know, I’d love to hear from you!

Sam xx

P.S. If you’ve been looking for a place to find motivation, you’re in the right place! Keep reading to learn about my FREE Perfectionist Power-Ups. They’re motivational boosts sent straight to your inbox and you won’t find them anywhere else:

A motivational power-up ✨

I’ve always found it easiest to get out of my own way when I read or listen to something every day that gives me a boost of motivation.

Over the years I’ve gotten these motivational boosts from business and self-help podcasts, Youtube videos, inspiring quotes etc. And I wouldn’t be where I am today if I didn’t have those things there to cheer me on.

But sometimes, these things can lead us down a bit of a rabbit hole when all we need is a small piece of motivation to help us kick start our day – without all the distractions…

That’s why I’ve decided to start sending a short “Perfectionist Power-Up ✨” straight to your inbox every weekday.

These are little boosts of motivation, designed for perfectionists who are building businesses, that you’ll receive from me from Monday to Friday each week.

And they won’t be the same as my Instagram posts…

I’ll be emailing you short motivational notes and reminders that you won’t be able to find anywhere else

To receive your daily Perfectionist Power-Up, click here!


I get honest about my struggle with self-doubt and share a simple exercise I've used to improve my self-confidence and overcome self-doubt.

I get honest about my struggle with self-doubt and share a simple exercise I've used to improve my self-confidence and overcome self-doubt.

Author: Sam Brown

  • I have perfectionist leanings, so it can be difficult to feel confident in myself because I focus on my inadequacies. One thing that I find really helps is to consciously think of my skills or areas I’ve improved in, especially in the particular area I’m feeling unconfident in. For instance, if I start to feel like I’ve been doing yoga forever and I’m still stiff, I remind myself that when I started I couldn’t touch my toes (years of karate = tight hamstrings). Recalling my progress helps me to see improvement as something that’s within my grasp; if I want to get better at something, I *can*, and that makes me feel much more confident than pride at any innate qualities.

  • This is a great post! I love how you said confidence originates from your thoughts not results! This is so true. I too deem myself a pretty confident person who does suffer from self doubt more than I would like, but what keeps me empowered and going is that I have built confidence from within and not externally. I really like your blog and your posts, especially as a fellow Millennial blogger.

  • This is such a needed post! Thank you for being so open and honest about your story. It’s refreshing! Self doubt seems to creep back into our lives when we are doing so well! It’s really an every day practice we have to continue to keep it at bay. I love some of these podcasts by Brooke. I agree they’re so helpful! I haven’t listed to 2 that you mentioned so I’m going to have to do that! Thanks for picking out a few helpful ones, much appreciated! 🙂
    -Ali (

  • Thank you for your post – I have felt like this for the last 10 years of my life. I am nearly 24 and wondering when do you start to love yourself. Tough journey, good luck with yours! xx

  • I love everything in this blog! I’m a life coach for girls and guys under 25 who struggle with their confidence, self esteem and identity. This is very helpful for many people and I appreciate the post! If you’re ever looking to collaborate, my website is . Thank you again for this and have a great day!

  • Confidence is complicated at best. Confidence seems to be specific to every individual yet one can pick up another’s confidence to help them push through their personal issues. To talk about confidence is bold because of the weakness involved. Who wants to let the world know what their kryptonite is? Confidence is a humans kyrptonite. Bravo to you for dealing with it.

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