I feel like it’s a little ironic that I’m writing a blog post about self-confidence.
And that’s not because I have no self-confidence. Actually, quite the contrary. I honestly do believe I can achieve anything I truly want to achieve. I honestly do believe nothing is off limits. I honestly do believe nothing is beyond my reach.
But my god, it’s so easy to forget all of that when I’m going about my day-to-day life.
It’s so easy to let fear and self-doubt completely consume my thoughts.
My struggle with self-doubt
This isn’t the first time I’m writing about self-doubt (proof right here).
Despite being surrounded by an overwhelming amount of evidence that I shouldn’t doubt myself, I still do. I let myself entertain the idea that I’m not good enough, that no one gives a fuck about what I have to say and that I won’t be successful.
And those thoughts play on repeat on a daily basis – no catalyst required. They just come up, no matter what’s going on around me and no matter the number of people telling me I’m doing an amazing job.
But here I am, writing a post about self-confidence. And doing my damn best to be completely honest about it.
And just so you know – I send out a motivational boost straight to your inbox every Monday – Friday. These will help keep you going throughout the week as a perfectionist. To sign up, click here.
The truth about self-confidence
I don’t want to give you any of that fluffy, useless advice we hear all the time. I don’t want to tell you to dress well, stand up straight, smile more, think happy thoughts and fake it til you make it.
I think all of that advice is complete bullshit.
Being more confident is not as simple as flicking a switch. There’s no quick and easy answer.
We’re talking about changing thoughts and beliefs that have been hardwired into our brains over a matter of years, if not decades.
It takes hard work to improve your self-confidence.
Confidence comes from our thoughts
It’s our thoughts that create confidence, not our results.
I know, I know, I know – it really feels like our results create our confidence. We always think things like ‘I’ll have more self-confidence when I have a better body’, ‘I’ll have more self-confidence when I ace that exam’, ‘I’ll have more self-confidence when I have a boyfriend’, ‘I’ll have more self-confidence when I get a job offer’.
And sometimes we do feel more confident after those things happen, but that’s not because those events made us more confident. It’s because we gave ourselves permission to feel confident after those events happened.
It really is our thoughts that create our confidence because, quite often, achieving those things doesn’t lead to the self-confidence we hoped for and expected. We’ve achieved what we wanted to achieve, but we’re still thinking the same thoughts as before, so we still don’t feel confident.
Those achievements just bring up new fears and doubts. And then we set our sights further into the future, pinning our self-confidence on some new result – an even better body, an even better exam result, a more loving boyfriend, an even better job.
If we want more self-confidence, we have to work on our thoughts and not on our appearance. It’s our thoughts that determine whether we feel conifident.
Confidence and perfectionism
How could I write this blog post without mentioning my fave topic – perfectionism.
I think most perfectionists are pretty damn familiar with fear and self-doubt.
As perfectionists, we feel like we’re never doing enough and we’ll never be enough, no matter how successful our life looks from the outside. And it’s pretty hard to feel confident when you believe that!
Part of improving my self-confidence has been learning how to let go of the need for my life to look perfect, but it hasn’t been easy.
Here are a few things that have helped me:
A few things that will help
You might already know that I’m in LOVE with podcasts (you can find out my top 10 here) and that I’m obsessed with The Life Coach School Podcast by Brooke Castillo. And there are a few episodes from that podcast that I’ve found extremely helpful when it comes to learning how to feel more confident.
As I already mentioned, there’s a lot of shit advice out there.
So I wanted to share these podcast episodes because they’re truly the only thing that has helped me with self-confidence (sometimes I feel like I should be on Brooke’s marketing team because I talk about this podcast so much, but I swear I have no affiliation with her – I just LOVE it that much).
And just in case you’re not into audio, you can find a transcript of each of the episodes at the links below.
Here are the episodes I’ve found helpful:
- Episode 15: Other People’s Opinions
- Episode 22: Self-Doubt
- Episode 58: Self-Confidence
- Episode 114: Creating Confidence
Do you struggle with self-confidence and self-doubt? And is there something you’ve done, or some advice you’ve received, that has helped you?
Please leave me a comment below to let me know, I’d love to hear from you!
P.S. If you’ve been looking for a place to find motivation, you’re in the right place! Keep reading to learn about my FREE Perfectionist Power-Ups. They’re motivational boosts sent straight to your inbox and you won’t find them anywhere else:
A motivational power-up ✨
I’ve always found it easiest to get out of my own way when I read or listen to something every day that gives me a boost of motivation.
Over the years I’ve gotten these motivational boosts from business and self-help podcasts, Youtube videos, inspiring quotes etc. And I wouldn’t be where I am today if I didn’t have those things there to cheer me on.
But sometimes, these things can lead us down a bit of a rabbit hole when all we need is a small piece of motivation to help us kick start our day – without all the distractions…
That’s why I’ve decided to start sending a short “Perfectionist Power-Up ✨” straight to your inbox every weekday.
These are little boosts of motivation, designed for perfectionists who are building businesses, that you’ll receive from me from Monday to Friday each week.
And they won’t be the same as my Instagram posts…
I’ll be emailing you short motivational notes and reminders that you won’t be able to find anywhere else
To receive your daily Perfectionist Power-Up, click here!